"I only date black girls"


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keresenzia is offline keresenzia Post #1  January 31,2011, 11:44am
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Hello good people. I have been communicating with this man in EH. We just got into OC last night and we were having what I term good conversation until I asked what he is looking for on EH. He said he wanted to meet a good black girl since it is hard to meet black girls in the city we live in other than a popular "black" club. He went on to add that he only dates black women. Apparently last r.shp was 2 years ago.
Well his response left a bit dumbfounded and I am not sure how I feel about this. I am black btw. Do people actually only date a certain race? I have heard other black men say they only date black women but because this came from a caucasian man, I guess it somewhat made me wonder and threw me off a little... Any thoughts?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  January 31,2011, 11:51am
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Yes, many people only date a certain race. I don't really get why -- it cuts down so much on your opportunities to find a great relationship -- but that's the way it is.

I do find it more odd that someone will only date outside their own race, but your guy is not the only one who feels that way.

In your place, I would be concerned that the guy has some fantasy "black girl" in his head and that's what he's interested in, rather than being interested in you.

The only way to find out of course is to start to get to know him. Personally, I'd pass, but it's an individual choice.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  January 31,2011, 11:56am
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Black women may just be his "type"........just as some people like slim or curvy / shorter or taller blond / brunette etc.
keresenzia wrote :
He went on to add that he only dates black women. I am black btw.

this came from a caucasian man,
 
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keresenzia is offline keresenzia Post #4  January 31,2011, 12:07pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :

I do find it more odd that someone will only date outside their own race, but your guy is not the only one who feels that way.

In your place, I would be concerned that the guy has some fantasy "black girl" in his head and that's what he's interested in, rather than being interested in you.
yes my sentiments exactly. I personally date any race as long as I like them. I also thought of the whole fantasy thing - what if I end up being the fantasy and not reality. **sigh**

Wiseman2 wrote :
Black women may just be his "type"........just as some people like slim or curvy / shorter or taller blond / brunette etc.
true true however, I just somewhat must have felt like it was such an extreme statement...
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  January 31,2011, 12:07pm
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I think it would bother me also. Mainly because I would wonder if he has some kind of a stereo type fixed in his mind. Like the old Asian women being submissive thing.
 
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Nattie216 is offline Nattie216 Post #6  January 31,2011, 12:14pm
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I'm also a Black woman and I've had White men say the same thing to me. I'm not sure if they think it's a compliment, but it's actually pretty annoying. As someone else said in a previous post, it could be that he's got this fantasy in his head of an "exotic, hyper-sexualized" black woman. I guess it would be the same if a guy said he only dates Asian women (which I've heard before as well) because they're more submissive. It's a stereotype and it's ridiculous.

Personally, I would keep looking. Sure, you can have a preference towards a certain type (tall, short, skinny, thick), but when you start excluding a whole race, then for me that's a bit much.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  January 31,2011, 12:43pm
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Many users are race specific where they will only date someone of a similar race as theirs.

Some want to date specifically outside their race like with some Asian women or black woman will not date people of the same race and them. One black woman I talked with said they feel because of their upbrining they feel they relate better to say white people as opposed to blacks because she felt more in common with whites when it came to interests, hobbies, goals, music, et all.

In Eharmony and other dating sites you can select specific criteria for race. Like with eharmony if you are interested in white or asian men only (not other races) you can pick only those races and put it at a high priority when it comes to matching.
The same can be done with religion too.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #8  January 31,2011, 1:11pm
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I'm not a fan of only dating or not dating a certain race. I feel that you'd be limiting yourself. A wise man once said, "all women are the same color in the inside".
 
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keresenzia is offline keresenzia Post #9  January 31,2011, 2:15pm
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I guess maybe I am overthinking it. If I were a 'specific race dater' I don't think I would say it out loud lest it makes the other party feel like a fantasy... I will keep communicating n keep an open mind...
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  January 31,2011, 2:18pm
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Okay... let's all be real ~ we are ALL RACISTS to a certain degree and we all have a race or multiple races we simply will not date. Anybody who says otherwise is lying (because it's so "hip" to be pc). But if we were all honest, we know that we all have some race or two that we either "prefer" or "will not date").

So... it isn't anything to get too freaked out by. We all have our preferences. This just happens to be his. Is it a little narrow-minded or possibly weird? yeah possibly. But again, just because it isn't as PC as what most people call their "preferences" and "dislikes", doesn't mean he's some psychotic monster. It's JUST preference.

Is it possible this whole "black girl" thing is a fantasy? Sure. Very well could be. That's your job to find out. But since when did we become so snobby to put down people that might happen to see ourselves as their fantasy mate?

No wonder dating is so stupid crazy these days. It's wrong to be hatin' on you (racism, etc.), but it's also wrong to be liking you too much.

I give up.

Richey
 
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