Communication etiquette?


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CleverUsername is offline CleverUsername Post #1  January 26,2011, 10:50pm
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I had a good first date with someone (drink at a bar) on a Monday and we exchanged a couple emails/texts on Tuesday and decided to get together again the coming Saturday at a place/activity TBD. A couple times and places were proposed (1pm at place A or 2pm at place B) and we agreed to a 3rd place but never set a time or specific place to meet (we had proposed a local mall where we could both grab a bite to eat at one of various stores and do a little window shopping.) I called on Wednesday and left a message in the afternoon that was never returned, so I sent a text on Thursday asking to chat around 4pm which was returned within say 10 minutes saying she was busy but could call me later - when was too late? I had plans at 8pm so I said I was available until then, no call or text that night. Friday came and went with no contact from her either. We're now at having one phone call and text message essentially unreturned.

Saturday rolls around and I get a text message at 11am asking if we're still planning on getting together.

What would you say?
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #2  January 27,2011, 12:00am
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CleverUsername wrote :
....
Saturday rolls around and I get a text message at 11am asking if we're still planning on getting together.

What would you say?
I would simply reply to the text with "yes of course I'm seeing you later, it's in my diary, what time and where?" OR if I'd made other plans I would reply "yes but it wont be this evening, when would you like to see me?".

It's fine to send the 2nd text if you have made other plans because she failed to return calls.

This sounds like a girl who may be keeping you in reserve if you are finding it hard to firm up plans during the week but when Saturday comes she asks "are we still planning to meet up?". OR her style might be very relaxed.
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  January 27,2011, 3:36am
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What did you say? Too busy, too much hassle coordinating schedules / call times etc. Not a great start with phone tag etc.If you are both multi-dating ,which it sounds like ...wondering if that first meet went as well as anyone first thought. This much sluggishness in just deciding where and when to meet is more of a pain than it's worth.
CleverUsername wrote :
Saturday rolls around and I get a text message at 11am asking if we're still planning on getting together.What would you say?
 
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dainagon is offline dainagon Post #4  January 27,2011, 5:06am
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You had plans and were busy, perhaps SHE had plans and was busy. Just go on the date.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  January 27,2011, 5:16am
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Typical answer would be that since calls were not returned and plans were not firmed up, I'm now busy with other things and perhaps we can reschedule to another day if still interested.
 
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JackAfrica is offline JackAfrica Post #6  January 27,2011, 5:34am

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CleverUsername wrote :
I had a good first date with someone (drink at a bar) on a Monday and we exchanged a couple emails/texts on Tuesday and decided to get together again the coming Saturday at a place/activity TBD. A couple times and places were proposed (1pm at place A or 2pm at place B) and we agreed to a 3rd place but never set a time or specific place to meet (we had proposed a local mall where we could both grab a bite to eat at one of various stores and do a little window shopping.) I called on Wednesday and left a message in the afternoon that was never returned, so I sent a text on Thursday asking to chat around 4pm which was returned within say 10 minutes saying she was busy but could call me later - when was too late? I had plans at 8pm so I said I was available until then, no call or text that night. Friday came and went with no contact from her either. We're now at having one phone call and text message essentially unreturned.

Saturday rolls around and I get a text message at 11am asking if we're still planning on getting together.

What would you say?
This is exactly what happens when men do not take charge ..
You made the (common ) mistake of trying to negotiate another date one tiny tentative step at a time. In so doing so you come off as timid, indecisive and lacking skill and confidence.

The way to go is to design an outing in your mind, make a few calls to gather some relevant details , THEN call her, tell her what you have planned and suggest/or ask if she wants to come. If "yes" then nail down the time and place to meet in the same phone call..
When you finish that call, both of you should be certain about meeting or pickup times, the place, appropriate dress and any other details that pertain.

Oh, and if you plan to see a woman next Friday or Saturday night, make the call Tuesday for Friday or Wednesday for Saturday at the latest.
 
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roarimaraptor is offline roarimaraptor Post #7  January 27,2011, 5:36am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
What did you say? Too busy, too much hassle coordinating schedules / call times etc. Not a great start with phone tag etc.If you are both multi-dating ,which it sounds like ...wondering if that first meet went as well as anyone first thought. This much sluggishness in just deciding where and when to meet is more of a pain than it's worth.
I totally agree. I wouldn't bail yet, because it's only been one date and it's possible she's dating or meeting up with other people and having trouble making the time (which, after one date, she is at perfect liberty to do). But, I would keep my eye on it and make sure she isn't starting some sort of trend with her behavior. No one's ever too busy to have to wait until 11am on the day of a date to confirm.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #8  January 27,2011, 5:48am
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Okay, so I happen to be a very organized, plan everything ahead, not the spur of the moment type of girl. So that fact that she is waiting until the very last moment to make the plans would drive me bonkers. It just isn't behavior I'd want to see in my boyfriend so I *personally* would say not interested anymore.

But only you can decide if it is a problem for you or not (but I suspect it is because you made this thread).

JackAfrica wrote :
This is exactly what happens when men do not take charge ..
You made the (common ) mistake of trying to negotiate another date one tiny tentative step at a time. In so doing so you come off as timid, indecisive and lacking skill and confidence.
I totally agree with this, except is doesn't have to be the man who does this. As soon as I started to seeing the phone tag start I would have taken charge and make complete plans and contacted them to let them accept my date offer or not. Although, I will admit I don't really like it too much when I find myself always being the "man" in the relationship. I'll take charge my fair share but if I find myself doing it most or all of the time, I say good bye.

I don't understand this plan one detail of something per contact thing instead of planning it all at once. It is only three things, date, time, place. It isn't like you are planning a wedding.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #9  January 27,2011, 6:04am
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Well she still wants to go out, which is a good sign. I would try to find out what was keeping her so busy this week though. Don't be accusing or anything though. It could be that this was just a crazy work week or something else happened. She didn't poof or blow you off, she still wants the second date.

Obviously this happened in the recent past? What did you say to her?
Last edited by beccaf87; January 27,2011 at 6:07am.
 
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melvimbe is offline melvimbe Post #10  January 27,2011, 6:19am
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I wouldn't worry about it much. She wasn't very responsive, but not unresponsive either. Since it bothers you though, don't let her think that you are ok with that. If you had made other plans, don't cancel it though.

I disagree with the comment that you didn't take charge enough. I don't think you have to decide the details of the next date on the first date. You had the day and general time worked out already, which is more then most would do I think. As well, it seems like you would have firmed up plans on the next conversation, which never happened due to no fault of your own.

Personally, I don't want to decide details till about 24 hrs before a date. I probably will have a better idea of how I want it to go by then. I do make sure she knows that I will decide though when the time comes. I've never been accused of being wishy washy though.
 
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