beatlejuice72 is offline beatlejuice72 Post #1  June 17,2008, 4:49pm

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I will be the first person to admit that I am not perfect, far from it. However, I am a "nice guy" in contrast to the "bad boy" and it really is a challenge sometimes. Guys like us are the ones who remember birthdays and anniversaries, who believe that romance isn't just a once a year event that happens on February 14th, and we aren't afraid of expressing ourselves or how we feel towards our family, friends, and loved ones.


However, I'm afraid to say that we are the exception rather than the norm. It occurs to me that many women who probably have dated some of the "bad boys" in the past encounter men like us and are a bit overwhelmed. I'm no expert and I'll be the first person to admit that, too, but I think that they can be skeptical of men and also uncomfortable with the positive reinforcement.


It's really frustrating for me because I'm not looking for perfection. I don't want someone who is "perfect." I wouldn't date anyone who even thought they were perfect or better than someone else. I don't care how good they looked. It's what is inside here that counts.


People who are flawed are often forced to overcome adversity and that requires character and that's what I find attractive. I'm attracted to the person who admits their shortcomings yet perseveres in life in spite of them. I'm a huge fan of Cameron Crowe and one of the things he said that I loved was how he enjoys writing movies where the main character is a "blatant optimist." He loves to write movies where the protagonist is someone who has been through hell and back but they get up every morning and believe it's a new day and life is good. They dust themselves off and continue to live their lives in spite of whatever curveballs life throws at them.


That's attractive to me. And if it makes me a nice guy, so be it. I'll make the most of it.
 
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Coldfusion is offline Coldfusion Post #2  June 17,2008, 4:59pm
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One pattern I notice with almost all of the men here is that they are so pleasant and deferential and accomodating and earnest and unassuming and gentle and it all adds up to a nice little nobody who seems about as interesting as a dry piece of toast.


I mean, show some personality, some backbone; have an opinion about something, something that matters. Having a little fire and strength doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant jerk.
 
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cameracollector is offline cameracollector Post #3  June 17,2008, 5:00pm
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I don't think the nice guys finish last, at all. Women are often attracted to the "bad boy" because they're dangerous and because it's something of a challenge ("Well, no one else could tame him, but I'll bet *I* can.") It's like the eternal temptation to play with fire and see if we won't get burned.


At the same time (assuming women who are psychologically healthy here), after one or two go-rounds with a bad boy, we've definitely learned our lesson and we're looking for the nice guy - the one we can count on to be there when we really need him to be.


Women who are perpetually attracted to the bad boy are not psychologically healthy - they usually have esteem or other issues that prevent them from being able to sustain a well-adjusted relationship. (Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all lust after a bad boy once in a while.)


The bad boys find themselves at the end of their lives with no one, having long ago burned everyone who got close. The nice guys are the ones who find themselves surrounded by friends and family who love them.


So, if you're a nice guy, you need to keep your eyes open for the woman who "gets it." She'll know who you are and why she wants to be with you. You can forget the rest.
 
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beatlejuice72 is offline beatlejuice72 Post #4  June 17,2008, 5:05pm

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Coldfusion,143603 wrote :

One pattern I notice with almost all of the men here is that they are so pleasant and deferential and accomodating and earnest and unassuming and gentle and it all adds up to a nice little nobody who seems about as interesting as a dry piece of toast.


I mean, show some personality, some backbone; have an opinion about something, something that matters. Having a little fire and strength doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant jerk.

Ouch. Well, now I know why WE weren't matched up.
 
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beatlejuice72 is offline beatlejuice72 Post #5  June 17,2008, 5:08pm

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cameracollector,143606 wrote :

I don't think the nice guys finish last, at all. Women are often attracted to the "bad boy" because they're dangerous and because it's something of a challenge ("Well, no one else could tame him, but I'll bet *I* can.") It's like the eternal temptation to play with fire and see if we won't get burned.


At the same time (assuming women who are psychologically healthy here), after one or two go-rounds with a bad boy, we've definitely learned our lesson and we're looking for the nice guy - the one we can count on to be there when we really need him to be.


Women who are perpetually attracted to the bad boy are not psychologically healthy - they usually have esteem or other issues that prevent them from being able to sustain a well-adjusted relationship. (Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all lust after a bad boy once in a while.)


The bad boys find themselves at the end of their lives with no one, having long ago burned everyone who got close. The nice guys are the ones who find themselves surrounded by friends and family who love them.


So, if you're a nice guy, you need to keep your eyes open for the woman who "gets it." She'll know who you are and why she wants to be with you. You can forget the rest.
The frustrating thing is when you go to lunch with people or work them them and you're attracted to them and you listen to them complain about how "all the good ones are taken" or "there are no nice guys left." It's times like this when guys like me feel like the proverbial ruby red slippers from the Land of Oz. The answer was in your backyard the whole time. In some cases, it was literally in your backyard. Seek and ye shall find!
 
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cameracollector is offline cameracollector Post #6  June 17,2008, 5:09pm
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Coldfusion,143603 wrote :

Having a little fire and strength doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant jerk.

no, but the line's a fine one and it's easy to cross if you aren't careful.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #7  June 17,2008, 5:10pm
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Dear BeatleJuice72,


No, nice guys do not finish last at all. They finish first IN THE LONG RUN! You see, the bad boy types can't go the distance. They don't have the character inside themselves to do that. They lack the commitment, the staying power, the being there through "thick and thin, sickness and in health, for better or for worse, 'til death do us part!"


Bad boys are about their own selfish ways and business and not so much about the other person. The bad boy is about lust is selfish and is about one's one self-centered needs. The good guy is about unconditional love towards others and treats others like he wants to be treated. He knows that love is:


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8 in the Bible


A "Good Guy," is responsible, takes care of his wife and children, goes to work everyday even when he doesn't feel like it, seeks to do the right thing even in difficult circumstances, is the spiritual head of the household, has wonderful character traits like honesty, integrity, kindness, dependability, inner strength, optimism, helps others, is outward and forward looking in life, etc. that he models to his family, friends, and others.


A bad boy who is not there during any of life's many crises, who comes and goes, and who is irresponsible gets old very fast for the vast majority of women. How much better the good guy with his maturity, stability, security, dependability and all the wonderful traits, values, and characteristics that make him the good guy he is and whose wife and children respect, admire, appreciate, love and adore!


Good guys do finish first in the long haul and that's what's important. There's nothing like the good guy who can go the distance!


JavaJava5
 
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cameracollector is offline cameracollector Post #8  June 17,2008, 5:14pm
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beatlejuice72,143613 wrote :

cameracollector,143606 wrote :


I don't think the nice guys finish last, at all. Women are often attracted to the "bad boy" because they're dangerous and because it's something of a challenge ("Well, no one else could tame him, but I'll bet *I* can.") It's like the eternal temptation to play with fire and see if we won't get burned.


At the same time (assuming women who are psychologically healthy here), after one or two go-rounds with a bad boy, we've definitely learned our lesson and we're looking for the nice guy - the one we can count on to be there when we really need him to be.


Women who are perpetually attracted to the bad boy are not psychologically healthy - they usually have esteem or other issues that prevent them from being able to sustain a well-adjusted relationship. (Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all lust after a bad boy once in a while.)


The bad boys find themselves at the end of their lives with no one, having long ago burned everyone who got close. The nice guys are the ones who find themselves surrounded by friends and family who love them.


So, if you're a nice guy, you need to keep your eyes open for the woman who "gets it." She'll know who you are and why she wants to be with you. You can forget the rest.


The frustrating thing is when you go to lunch with people or work them them and you're attracted to them and you listen to them complain about how "all the good ones are taken" or "there are no nice guys left." It's times like this when guys like me feel like the proverbial ruby red slippers from the Land of Oz. The answer was in your backyard the whole time. In some cases, it was literally in your backyard. Seek and ye shall find!

What you're describing the the inverse of what women complain about: all the men want a hot chick who's skinny with big boobs.


As I said, the women who perpetually go after the bad boys haven't finished working out their issues. Look for the nice girl (the woman who would be your equivalent).
 
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vegaschick is offline vegaschick Post #9  June 17,2008, 5:15pm
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Remember, there is nice, nice nice, and kiss of death nice Just avoid being in the latter two! A nice guy is someone who most women want. Though bad boys are fun to look at, once you grow up, you realize a guy you can trust, respect, and rely on is so much more than someone who has you wondering all the time. Too badthat you are on the opposite side of the country
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 17,2008, 5:16pm
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beatlejuice72,143610 wrote :

Coldfusion,143603 wrote :


One pattern I notice with almost all of the men here is that they are so pleasant and deferential and accomodating and earnest and unassuming and gentle and it all adds up to a nice little nobody who seems about as interesting as a dry piece of toast.


I mean, show some personality, some backbone; have an opinion about something, something that matters. Having a little fire and strength doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant jerk.





Ouch. Well, now I know why WE weren't matched up.
It might be that you are both male.
 
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