MindFlare is offline MindFlare Post #21  June 17,2008, 5:50pm
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No, they don't
 
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beatlejuice72 is offline beatlejuice72 Post #22  June 17,2008, 6:39pm

I'm a man's man, but I like women a whole lot more!

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Gr8Guyn2008,143622 wrote :

beatlejuice72,143610 wrote :


Coldfusion,143603 wrote :


One pattern I notice with almost all of the men here is that they are so pleasant and deferential and accomodating and earnest and unassuming and gentle and it all adds up to a nice little nobody who seems about as interesting as a dry piece of toast.


I mean, show some personality, some backbone; have an opinion about something, something that matters. Having a little fire and strength doesn't mean you have to be an arrogant jerk.





Ouch. Well, now I know why WE weren't matched up.


It might be that you are both male.
God, my brain is fried tonight. LOL. Sorry, CF.
 
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Charleca is offline Charleca Post #23  June 17,2008, 6:43pm
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Fellas- I hate to break it to you, but sometimes the guys who say nice guys finish last are


1.) chasing after the wrong woman. If you like the same woman who everyone else likes- and you are bringing your "hi, I'm a nice guy who likes you for your insides- not like everyone else" then that is a bunch of B.S. This woman has guys hitting on her all the time, so of course only the flashy, drop dead gorgeous "bad boys' are going to get her attention.


2.) you are confusing nice with being a wimp. Women want someone who will protect her. Yes, we want to be loved and cherished, but when it comes down to it, we want to know if some jerk comes around- you will handle it! So if you can't stand up to us (i.e. letting us treat you like some gal pal while we talk about all the guys in our life)- how do we trust you to be the leading man in our life. A strong woman wants a strong man. Most women don't want to be in charge- we only take the lead if we feel the guy isn't taking up that charge.


So nice guys, her are some surprising facts:


1. Most women will pick a confident guy who is okay looking over a cute shy guy. Reason: if a jerk comes around,or if a difficult situation in life arises, who is more likely to confront it head on?


2. Most heterosexual women don't want to date other women! I want to feel like a woman- all girlie and frilly like from time to time. What makes me feel like a girl- a guy. (Think of how soft something feels after you have been touching something rough- like steel wool). In this dayof equality- women have to be strong a lot- and sometimes we just want to feel like a "girly" woman. We want to be protected (physically) and taken cared of- only the way a man can. Make the decisions for us during those moments. Make us think "I'm going to sit back and let my MAN handle that". I'm pretty independent, but sometimes that gets old and I just want a guy to let me sit back and look pretty (as old fashioned as that may seem)


3.) Stop sitting back and waiting for us to "choose" you to play in the game. If you want us- come get us. Don't try to win our affections by trying to be close and act like our girlfriends. Once you get in the sensitive "girl zone" it is hard to get out. Don't act creepy- but be clear. Don't act needy or try to guilt a woman into being with you. Realize that you are a good catch and let it be known- if she doesn't want you, other women do.
 
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Uberness is offline Uberness Post #24  June 17,2008, 6:51pm
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I personally love the nice guys, they help me remember...birthdays, anniversaries,February 14th etc....
 
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noelm is offline noelm Post #25  June 17,2008, 7:12pm
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Oh Beatlejuice, take it from someone who spent her entire youth chasing the bad boys, you will not finish last. You're more likely to be the last one standing!


Why do women (or in hindsight I guess we were girls) go after those wild, untamed and untamable Peter Pan types? Because we are the risk takers, the adrennalin junkies who need to push the envelope and walk on the edge to feel alive. There are experts who will tell you it's a bit of ADD, others say it's low self esteem. I don't buy either, to me it's just a personality trait. If i'd been born in another place or time I would probably have worked out my need for the "rush" on a team in some type of sport but that wasn't available to me at the time. I am very, very lucky that I never found drugs or alcohol appealing because there is a huge "cross sensitivity" with that in people like me. Instead, I grew up, went into health care and got my excitement fix in Emergency Rooms and Intensive Care Units in inner city hospitals. Now my "bad boy" is paying his dues for a lifetime of breaking the rules, he's a sick and broken man.


And me? I would give just about anything to have one of those "nice guys" overwheming me these days.


Be patient, enjoy the ride and you'll meet the right one.
 
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Inlander is offline Inlander Post #26  June 17,2008, 7:31pm
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I'd like to address this from another angle. I am one of the nice guys who was raised "right" and to my credit, I have always been known to be a good decent person in all circles. However, in regards to the bad boy/nice guy issue, I have been on the losing end of two gut wrenching relationships, not because I was too nice, but because these women hadnever had a relationship with a good guy before.Both had cheating ex boyfriends andsome sort of traumain their past. When they finally dated me the relationships were great up to the point where they discovered "something just wasn't right" as they had never had such a caring and honest person and this jsut wasn't normal for them. Despite giving them distance and space to process things they initially pulled back and then ultimately broke it off, one by simply excommunicating me, the other by telling meshe needed to "straighten things out" and that I was so nice and good a person she had no reason to break up. This may sound like thereare pieces missing to the puzzleand Iam just blind, but in both casestheir friends and families loved me andwere as puzzled as I. As a good friend of mine put it--"you attract the broken ones"--but this has added another dimention to finding a woman who can appreciate a nice guy.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #27  June 17,2008, 7:31pm
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Dear BeatleJuice72,


Hmm. . . I'm a quality lady who has NEVER gone for the bad boy type. That's so unattractive! I saw the ones in college who did and they invariably ended up pregnant and alone, broke because they spent their money trying to support and save the bad boy, busted for drugs they used with the bad boy, flunking out of college or getting bad grades because they spent too much time skipping classes and not studying with the bad boy, missing out on the best Summer jobs because they wanted to be available whenever for the bad boy, and the like.


Ugh, there's nothing attractive to either me or my friends about the bad boy types. That lifestyle is not exciting in the least and the very thing they seek eludes them. They end up sometimes in jail, broken, drug and / or alcohol addicted, with illegitimate children with various women, on the streets, living off family, relatives, and friends, on the fringes of crime, etc.


What's really hot, sexy, and attractive in a guy is one who's responsible, who shows up when he says he will, who treats a lady with respect and courtesy, who hold opinions and works to make the world a better place, is going places in life and would like to take a quality lady along with him for the ride of their lives, who knows who he is and what he's about, who is not yet another "lost" soul seeking to "find" himself, who has a purpose and a plan for his life, who persists in the face of adversity instead of turning to booze, drugs, promiscuous sex, and dropping out of society, who others respect, etc.


The Good Guy separates himself as the man from the boys - the bad boys who just never grow up even though they age in years.


JavaJava5
 
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rkayr is offline rkayr Post #28  June 17,2008, 7:46pm
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I like compassionate, interesting, intelligent, thoughtful men. Ones whom care about the world they live in, and care about their families, friends..and me!

I always have. Fortunately those are the men I seem to get matched with too

But...something I want to say....true nice guys never have to proclaim they are nice guys; and they don't whine about women liking bad boys or call men whom attract women "jerks".

A guy can be genuinely all of the above qualities I mentioned, and still be interesting, still be strong individuals and confident in themselves. As much as I want all the above, I certainly do NOT want it all embodied in a doormat!
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #29  June 17,2008, 8:15pm
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P. S.


A really good guy, or nice guy shouldin NO WAY be equatedwith being a wimp, a doormat, wishy-washy or any such negative connotation. That's contraire to what a nice guy or good guy is! A nice guy or good guy has opinions, is active, seeks to make the world a better place. He's not some inactive, wussy, blandtype guy.


I'm astounded at the extent people confuse two very different things.


JavaJava5
 
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rkayr is offline rkayr Post #30  June 17,2008, 8:21pm
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javajava5,143791 wrote :

P. S.*


A really good guy, or nice guy should*in NO WAY be equated*with being a wimp, a doormat, wishy-washy or any such negative connotation.* That's contraire to what a nice guy or good guy is! A nice guy or good guy has opinions, is active, seeks to make the world a better place.* He's not some inactive, wussy, bland*type guy.*


I'm astounded at the extent people confuse two very different things.


JavaJava5
If this was in regards to me...I wanted to say I am in no way confusing the two things!

I have dated plenty of nice guys. Like I said, I am not interested in bad boys.

What I am distinguishing is true nice guys, from those that complain about "bad boys", about women only wanting "bad boys", and whom truly DON'T stand up for themselves, aren't confident in themselves and are doormats.

I don't consider the latter ones nice guys at all.
 
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