ComeoutVirginia is offline ComeoutVirginia Post #1  January 7,2011, 9:51am
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Ok, so you've got a date, leads to another date, etc. Date for a period of time. No sex. Dating buds into relationship. Then you decide to have sex and the sex is dreadful, at least for you. Waiting for sex, after you've invested so much time, ends up being the dealbreaker.

The question is: What is the difference, really, if you have sex early on or not? Not necessarily first date or first few dates.

The opposite could be true too, you have sex early on and the rest of the relationship doesn't work.

The age old dilemma as to how important sex is to a relationship also comes up with this. In other words, some people can keep sex separate while dating. Sex is just sex unless and until a relationship really develops and then it becomes a mutual exchange of intimacy and pleasure. The peeps who only wanted sex to start with will likely fade away so no relationship anyway.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #2  January 7,2011, 9:58am
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I have actually been thinking about this a lot lately. My new guy and I have been dating for a month now and it has been the longest I have waited since losing my virginity. I really like him so want to wait to make it more special. I am kind of nervous about it not being good when it happens. When we kiss its amazing so I hope that translates to sex later.
 
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Singlencooking is offline Singlencooking Post #3  January 7,2011, 10:00am
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There is no bigger mystery than sex in this world.

People have different views about it. People sometimes do not even accept their true views to them. It has different impact on different people.

All said and done - it is an integral part of a relationship.

About your question - you answered it yourself. The question was "What is the difference, really, if you have sex early on or not?"

You answered it by elaborating on both the scenarios What can happen when you have it early and what can happen when you have it late
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  January 7,2011, 10:06am
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Can you give it another shot or two and see if you two can actually improve things? I guess personally I don't expect something fabulous the first time - he does not know me and I don't know him that way. Also, because of length of time waiting for this "event", was it really that horrible or was it more that it did not meet your built up fantasy of how it would be that made it seem worse than it was?
 
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butterfly0424 is offline butterfly0424 Post #5  January 7,2011, 10:16am
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I was going to suggest having sex again. The first time is always awkward. I wouldnt give up just yet.
 
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epee03 is offline epee03 Post #6  January 7,2011, 10:44am
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so what about those people who will wait until marriage to have sex?? i personally think that's the best option. sex is important but the relationship needs to be based on much more than that. it shouldn't be a dealbreaker. isn't there counselling for that sort of thing??
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #7  January 7,2011, 11:00am
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epee03 wrote :
it shouldn't be a dealbreaker
Should and Is exist as different words because everything that should be isn't.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  January 7,2011, 11:07am
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epee03 wrote :
so what about those people who will wait until marriage to have sex?? i personally think that's the best option. sex is important but the relationship needs to be based on much more than that. it shouldn't be a dealbreaker. isn't there counselling for that sort of thing??
Maybe for you, but not having sex would be an absolute dealbreaker in a relationship/marriage for me (excluding some accident/illness of course)..

That is fine for you if you want to wait until you are married. And finding someone who shares that view is your best best to have that work out.

To the OP, if it's only been one time, I would try again...for some, it can be awkward and have it take time to get used to one another.

If you are saying that you are the type of person who just doesn't like sex very much in general..and it doesn't matter in a relationship to you...This needs to be discussed with a person you are dating so they know where you stand..

Just like on EH...there are must have/can't stands that mention someone who highly values sex in a relationship.

For me, it's of great importance that I am with someone who is similar in my 'zest' for expressing our passion for one another in many ways. Just as important as an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #9  January 7,2011, 11:13am
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Yeah, that's a tough call. We're (especially women) programed to believe that sex is a token of our love and commitment to a relationship. Yet many people (including women) view sex as a compatibility issue. How does one reconcile the two?

Like every other aspect of a relationship, it's a little bit of a roll of the dice w/ no guarantees. I think that one must decide how important a roll sex will play in a relationship and seek to find a partner that feels the same.
 
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nick219 is offline nick219 Post #10  January 7,2011, 11:14am
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epee03 wrote :
so what about those people who will wait until marriage to have sex??
A lot of them have really bad sex the rest of their lives. I guess if it's the only sex they've ever had, they they don't know any differently, though. Ignorance is bliss?
 
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