Where are the single people?


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GoingDriving is offline GoingDriving Post #1  December 22,2010, 3:47pm
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Background for this post: I was reading another thread on here about how we should all be using eHarmony concurrently with out other efforts in real life to find dates (presumably looking for that "special person" out there).

So my response to that is probably going to show through my frustration but it seems to me that people don't seem to be interested in dating and/or there just aren't that many single people out there.

I'm pretty good at being mr. social butterfly and getting out there with friends, co-workers, and the like. I've started taking stock and in the last 10 years I've dated twice and been on maybe a half dozen first dates at the most. I'm finding that when I meet people they just aren't interested in dating period (although this is semi-rare) or more likely they aren't available. In fact the lack of available has plagued me nearly everywhere I've been... Now that I'm approaching 30 the lack of availability is less of long term or short term boyfriend and more married. Someone who I had a bit of an interest in a few weeks ago... yep, their married. Months before that... married. I'm happy for them, really... but geeze.

Yeah I apparently never meet single people. I realize I have notoriously bad luck so I've tried to replace luck with effort. Unfortunately whenever I join various social groups both out of legitimate interest as well as potential dating aspirations... everyone is already in relationships.

So I joined eHarmony to find singles which I suppose is a guarantee but with so little success so far I'm just wondering what other people are doing to meet people... Again I'm convinced I'm doing it all wrong
 
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artsygal is offline artsygal Post #2  December 22,2010, 4:17pm
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First, I do want to say I am older than you, but have felt that way during various times of my life, mainly during the late 20's - 30's, when everyone was "settling down", myself included. (And, when you hit your 40's, many, many people are single again). To me the key to successful living in general is do the things you enjoy doing. Not with the explicit intention of meeting "the one", but because doing these things, whatever they are, bring you joy.

I will say though, that while out doing the things you love, you will meet people. Some are married, some single, but they also know people. I have much more dating success IRL vs online, because I'm out doing things I love, and I think that shows.

So yes! By all means keep on being out there in the real world expanding your horizons and becoming a more interesting person. And, it helps if you let your friends know you are looking. Good luck!!!!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  December 22,2010, 5:12pm
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Not sure how old you are....but meeting people gets more difficult the older you get. In part because people have a structured life when it comes to career, home, children, friends...so it limits their ability to meet others.

When you were in your 20s and not "tied-down" it was much easier socializing, networking, and meeting people.

I wish there was a club or place you can go to where everyone there is single and wanting a relationship
 
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GoingDriving is offline GoingDriving Post #4  December 22,2010, 5:16pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Not sure how old you are....but meeting people gets more difficult the older you get. In part because people have a structured life when it comes to career, home, children, friends...so it limits their ability to meet others.

When you were in your 20s and not "tied-down" it was much easier socializing, networking, and meeting people.

I wish there was a club or place you can go to where everyone there is single and wanting a relationship
I'm in my late 20s. Yeah...people keep telling me how great it is not to be tied down... I get what they mean but not being tied down often also means not having anywhere in particular to be. I feel like it's an infinite loop.

I'm out and have a fairly active social life... but I don't meet single people. That's by far the biggest problem. It's like they almost don't exist... I'm out socializing with all of the couples...they are hiding away somewhere
 
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cookiesandcandies is offline cookiesandcandies Post #5  December 22,2010, 7:59pm
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I cannot speak for everyone, only my own personal experience. I find the older I get, the easier it is to meet men(as far as dating), not the opposite. It's easier because they're older and no longer looking to just date, they want a serious relationship. I've also found no exhaustion of single men, especially as I get older because now, these men are divorced from their first wives, and some have never married at all. I am not a social butterfly, I do not go to clubs, or "dating" functions. I meet people for dating simply by NOT looking for people to date. I do things I love and enjoy and meet people there. You like reading? Join a book club. Always wanted to try carpentry? Try it. In addition to using a dating site, I recommend learning new skills and meeting people through that. Everyone says it's harder to date, but I think that's because you're trying too hard and desperation is an odor that wards off decent life-partners. Work on yourself and just be happy and the right person will come. Just don't sweat and don't believe when people say it's impossible, because it's all about your attitude.
 
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Singlencooking is offline Singlencooking Post #6  December 22,2010, 8:21pm
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To the OP - I do not know where you are. Where I am, I see singles all the time. The city is full of singles. In fact, I face the problem of abundance.

There are more singles available to mingle than I can handle. And they each also have so many options available that they do not want to make any special effort to make things work. They just keep dating and dating and dating.

An average girl here meets 50 - 100 guys a year. Let us say she met 50 guys in 6 months. Now she is tired of dating or gets possessive about a guy, she would go for a relationship which will last 2-4 months. And now she is tired of relationship, so she goes back to dating again.
 
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Singlencooking is offline Singlencooking Post #7  December 22,2010, 8:21pm
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Duplicate post
 
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GoingDriving is offline GoingDriving Post #8  December 23,2010, 3:58pm
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I do know what the working on yourself thing is about... I've been doing that. For a while and sadly nothing has really happened. Now I'm bored... What can I say

Yeah... seriously no singles around here. Abundance is not a problem I face at all. You know maybe it says something when I get a match on eHarmony that is even within 50km. I must be in the wrong place.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  December 23,2010, 4:41pm

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Just wait a few years and half of the attached people will be single again (or so the 50% is claimed around here). lol!

But seriously, time is on your side. Just enjoy the hobbies and doing the edating thing, it will happen.

Good luck!
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #10  December 23,2010, 5:06pm
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artsygal wrote :
First, I do want to say I am older than you, but have felt that way during various times of my life, mainly during the late 20's - 30's, when everyone was "settling down", myself included. (And, when you hit your 40's, many, many people are single again). To me the key to successful living in general is do the things you enjoy doing. Not with the explicit intention of meeting "the one", but because doing these things, whatever they are, bring you joy.

I will say though, that while out doing the things you love, you will meet people. Some are married, some single, but they also know people. I have much more dating success IRL vs online, because I'm out doing things I love, and I think that shows.

So yes! By all means keep on being out there in the real world expanding your horizons and becoming a more interesting person. And, it helps if you let your friends know you are looking. Good luck!!!!
This is the best reply! This is exactly where I am right now, at 39. In my late 20's/early 30's I felt like there were really no single people left, so I didn't date. All my friends were getting married/having kids so we didn't go out anymore anyway. I didn't have any single friends, so I stayed home, and stayed single. You'd think all these newly married girlfriends would have husbands with single friends, but everyone they knew was all couples. I think it's true that married people like to hang out with other married people. Anyway, now, pushing the edge of 40, I find that a lot of those people who got married 10 years ago are now single again - but now they all have "baggage". That's my lot in life now, having to raise someone else's kids, when I still think I might like to have my own. What's my point? I guess that it doesn't get any easier the older you get.
But I am trying to do what artsygal suggests, and get out there and do things that I like, not just to meet single people, but that would be a great side perk while getting to learn something new.
 
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