EtotheD123 is offline EtotheD123 Post #1  December 7,2010, 7:28am
EtotheD123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

- I'm attracted to attractive girls and will not date someone I'm not attracted to.
- Every other guy out there is thinking the same thing.
- I went on a date last night with an attractive girl who said she was in contact with 40 or so guys, and she's getting new matches every day. Go figure my odds.
- Dating is expensive.
- Almost every girl out there wants marriage.
- Marriage is a coin toss on whether it will last or not.

Has anyone had these thoughts? Can you tell me why you're putting yourself through this? I can't figure out why I'm doing this and I'm really curious...Thanks.
 
  Reply With Quote
leegleze is offline leegleze Post #2  December 7,2010, 7:45am
leegleze's Avatar

"Too soon old; too late smart!"

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Bucerias, Nayarit, Mexico

Posts: 17

See profile

"Why am I doing this?"

Well, ummm, because everyone has a need to be loved and have a sense of belonging. It's basic and inherent. (Google: Mazlo's Heirarchy of Needs)

Even she, with her 40-guy checklist, has those needs ... that's why she's checking them all out and making sure she doesn't let "The One" slip under the radar. She also likes to be flattered, obviously, and feels good with so many vying for her attention. Wouldn't you? She probably has even more insecurity about all this than you do.

If you really want to break through to her, let her know. Don't sell yourself short. You may just be "The One".
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  December 7,2010, 8:19am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

wrote :
Why am I doing this?

yeah, those thoughts try to sneak into my head every now & then...especially after a first meet where I know there won't be a date following it.
EtotheD123 wrote :
Has anyone had these thoughts? Can you tell me why you're putting yourself through this? I can't figure out why I'm doing this and I'm really curious...Thanks.
uh..because you're a glutton for punishment like the rest of us??
 
  Reply With Quote
StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #4  December 7,2010, 8:24am
StuckOnYou's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 803

See profile

I think this falls under the purview of the three fundamental laws of thermodynamics. In layspeak...

You can't win...
You can't break even...
And you can't get out of the game!

You put yourself through it because the payoff is/has been worth it. At least for me although certainly YMMV.
 
  Reply With Quote
EtotheD123 is offline EtotheD123 Post #5  December 7,2010, 8:28am
EtotheD123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

[quote=TheThinker;1204336][/b]yeah, those thoughts try to sneak into my head every now & then...especially after a first meet where I know there won't be a date following it.

Shoot...even after what I thought was a good date my calls/texts aren't returned. Just too many guys and too few desirable women...
 
  Reply With Quote
EtotheD123 is offline EtotheD123 Post #6  December 7,2010, 8:32am
EtotheD123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

If you really want to break through to her, let her know. Don't sell yourself short. You may just be "The One". [/quote]

Do you work for eHarmony?
 
  Reply With Quote
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  December 7,2010, 8:35am
scully98's Avatar

like a cowgirl!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 3,063

See profile

exactly what the previous poster said! cause you want to find the girl who does value your qualities above those other 40 guys. and because the two of you, because she filtered out the other 40, will have a better chance of making a marriage work because she found the guy with the most similar qualities to what was right for her - and you, by default.

I did something similar - was in contact with about 50-60 guys over a several-month period and actually met about 18 of them for first and sometimes second dates. Found one guy to date for a little while, but it didn't work out cause he didn't want what I wanted - being exclusive - and then I met another guy (through friends, ironically enough, not online) and while we have only been dating for about seven weeks now, we want exactly the same things and I'm crazy about him.

So, it is worthwhile because it only takes one - when you find her, you will know because she will feel the same about you. And that's a pretty freakin' amazing feeling.
 
  Reply With Quote
StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #8  December 7,2010, 8:38am
StPaulGirl's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 578

See profile

EtotheD123 wrote :
Just too many guys and too few desirable women...
Last I checked the shortage was desirable men!
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  December 7,2010, 8:38am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

wrote :
If you really want to break through to her, let her know. Don't sell yourself short. You may just be "The One".
I thought Jet Li was "The One"??
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #10  December 7,2010, 8:46am
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

EtotheD123 wrote :
- I'm attracted to attractive girls and will not date someone I'm not attracted to.
- Every other guy out there is thinking the same thing.
- I went on a date last night with an attractive girl who said she was in contact with 40 or so guys, and she's getting new matches every day. Go figure my odds.
- Dating is expensive.
- Almost every girl out there wants marriage.
- Marriage is a coin toss on whether it will last or not.

Has anyone had these thoughts? Can you tell me why you're putting yourself through this? I can't figure out why I'm doing this and I'm really curious...Thanks.
Well let's see... Your number one is your own problem to be quite honest. I'm not telling you to date people you would gag at, but you don't need to only consider top models either (unless you look like a male model yourself)... Try and go for decent looking women, as opposed to the top 1% of them who are perfect in all shape and form, and that all the guys want and that very few can have (simply cause of the numbers really). Think about this: Are you turning down a girl simply because of one bad physical quality you find in her? If so, you're doing it wrong! I don't think that all women (except for the 100% gorgeous ones) would have 40 guys on their plate at all times.

Your number 2 is just an extension of number 1... I'm not telling you to not pursue good looking women... Every now and then you will get lucky in this department... Work with what you have, and show her you're worth it, and your chances will increase... But still like you said, the competition is very high, and if you fail it's only because of the competition, and not bad luck or your own lack of anything.

Your number 3 is true... Sorry, we all suffer from it. Can't change anything here.

Your 4... I don't really know why you have a problem with this, but if you're in your 20s or 30s, and you're looking for a woman who doesn't want to get married, you're reducing your dating pool by a LOT.

As for your last one, this is so damn stupid I don't even know how some guys actually get away with stringing a girl along with this argument. Marriage is not a coin toss... Marriage is a choice and a commitment. It requires effort to make it work if you feel it's worth it... You get out of it what you put into it. If you adapt an attitude of "well, this is going to fail no matter what I do... LOOK AT THE STATISTICS!!!!!!!!1111"... welllllll then chances are it's going to fail, because you will allow it to. I'm not telling you all marriages work... But if you believe in your judgment, and your ability to make it work, your chances of success would be much higher don't you agree?
Last edited by Harryoss; December 7,2010 at 8:52am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Week-long "first date" | Dating | Holding out for love at first sight is ambitious when you're young and a sign of arrested development when you're middle aged »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:27am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0