Spinoff: Do you do the following on dates?


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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  November 28,2010, 8:04am
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My thread was inspired by another poster who queried about a particular action while daing, but during the course of explaining her story engaged in another action that I find equally puzzling.

Do any of you stay on dates knowing that you already decided that the date isn't going anywhere? If so, why???? Why not end the date as soon as you made your judgement and rendered your decision? What good is your gracefulness(to stay on a dead end date) to your date when you plan on never going out with your date again?


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ForwardUntoDawn is offline ForwardUntoDawn Post #2  November 28,2010, 8:10am
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BabyYoda wrote :
My thread was inspired by another poster who queried about a particular action while daing, but during the course of explaining her story engaged in another action that I find equally puzzling.

Do any of you stay on dates knowing that you already decided that the date isn't going anywhere? If so, why???? Why not end the date as soon as you made your judgement and rendered your decision? What good is your gracefulness(to stay on a dead end date) to your date when you plan on never going out with your date again?


B.Y.
I have had a nice time with dates I did not want anything else to do with, just because there no spark dose not mean I need to run for the hills
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  November 28,2010, 8:14am
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I stay and finish.

This is to continue my dinner at an appropriate, civilized pace.

It is also to continue to gather data and make a more fully-informed decision. Especially if the initial perception is potentially impaired data (early nerves or miscommunication of a fact), or the possibility exists the person will display other, offsetting qualities as the evening progresses.

Further, I see it as rude to abruptly end a meeting which had been planned as dinner.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #4  November 28,2010, 8:14am
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I've never had a bad date, but I suppose one would stay on the date if the other person seemed nice enough to hang out with the remainder of the night to go see a movie or something with. I'm talking about the "no spark" date. The other bad date is the one with a jerk. I don't think most people stay on those unless A) they have no ride home or B) the jerk is interesting enough that you want to see how much of a jerk he/she can be before you finally do bale.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #5  November 28,2010, 8:20am
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I really try not to make the next date judgment during the first date. I tend to over think and over analyze things, but I really try to make the first date about getting to know someone and having a pleasant time. I did have one first date who I emailed right after I got home saying that I had a good time, but I did not see any long term potential with, and wished her luck in finding someone. I probably knew mid-date this would be the case, but I try not to focus on such questions during a first date.

If it was someone who was upsetting to be around maybe, but as long as it is pleasant, why not stick it out and just have fun.
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #6  November 28,2010, 8:21am
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I don't see a reason to leave a date prematurely unless the person is inexcusably rude. Why create bad karma for yourself?

Plus, it seems kinda jerky to cut things off midstream only because you've decided that the other person isn't for you. Give them the respect of following through on dinner or whatever. (Imagine the eHA threads -- "The woman walked out on me 30 minutes into the date!" -- and the resulting uproar. Reminds me of the 'driveby' dates where the guy decided the woman didn't meet his looks standards and never came into the restaurant to meet her.) At the worst, I'd beg off if the person wanted to follow the 'planned' portion of the date by lingering over drinks or coffee.

ETA to support Savman's statement: If you look at first dates as an opportunity to learn something new and have an experience you might not have done alone (i.e. go to a restaurant you've been meaning to try, check out a new coffee shop or local attraction, etc.), then it's not such a big deal if there aren't any sparks with the person.
Last edited by Tipitina; November 28,2010 at 8:28am.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #7  November 28,2010, 8:22am
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Yep, yep, and yep.

Just because I know I don't want to date someone doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. I usually always enjoy myself on a date one way or another. I don't drag a date on and on if I know there is nothing there (I feel this is a bit misleading) but I don't cut the date short. The only time I cut a date short is if the guy displays behaviors I find unacceptable.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #8  November 28,2010, 8:59am
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If the two first daters decide to have dinner at a restaurant, then I think it is implied that each person is setting aside roughly 2 hours of their time to investigate the potential of the other person as a match.

If you find that shortly into the dinner date, this is not going to progress any further. I belieive, you should still honour your 2 hour commitment and follow through all the way to dessert. To leave short of that is extremely rude, and could cause unnecessary feelings of rejection/hurt in the other person. It seems if you have invested in the GC and some time in OC, and possibly some time on the phone, then surely you can get through a full diner with that person.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #9  November 28,2010, 9:14am
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I wouldn't try to extend a bad date, but I also wouldn't try to end it any earlier than normal unless she showed some incredibly rude behavior.

If you're out for dinner for example, at least sit through the dinner.

The bottom line is we're all adults and we should be acting like adults.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  November 28,2010, 9:32am
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BabyYoda wrote :
Do any of you stay on dates knowing that you already decided that the date isn't going anywhere? If so, why???? Why not end the date as soon as you made your judgement and rendered your decision? What good is your gracefulness(to stay on a dead end date) to your date when you plan on never going out with your date again?
It's called manners. If I decided in the middle of dinner, or even in the middle of a glass of wine that I would not want to see this person again, to abruptly get up and leave at that point would be beyond rude.

What good is my gracefulness at that point? It is to make the world a slightly kinder and more enjoyable place to live, and to treat the other person with respect.

I cannot imagine that there is a single person on this planet that would honestly prefer that their date get up in the middle of the meeting and leave because they decided at that moment "no way."
 
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