All's fair in love and in war..., isn't it?


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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #1  November 27,2010, 8:42am
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Some people seem to get really bent out of shape when a lover, or potential, decides they prefer someone else. I mean we can't really help whom we like; at least I can't. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but if I want to get what I want, isn't it only fair that they get what they want too?

And of course I'm not talking about cases where someone takes clear advantage of someone else and/or is particularly cruel.


What'cha think?
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  November 27,2010, 8:47am
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It is natural for that to hurt, and create sadness for a while. But, I have never understood why so many feel anger towards the other person for ending a relationship.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  November 27,2010, 9:00am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Yeah, I think it's common for people to get 'bent out of shape' when someone else drops them.... but see it in a much more positive light when they do the same thing to someone else.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #4  November 27,2010, 9:24am
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jayjay wrote :
Yeah, I think it's common for people to get 'bent out of shape' when someone else drops them.... but see it in a much more positive light when they do the same thing to someone else.
Funny you should mention that, because it's actually been the opposite for me. Probably because I've never really been in a relationship where I was absolutely certain breaking up was for the best, I've been bothered more by the cases where I was the one making the break.
 
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wandering_star is offline wandering_star Post #5  November 27,2010, 10:21am
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fear of failure, abandonment, rejection, self esteem issues playing out in front of you...

there are a lot of people out there with a lot of reasons to handle the end of a relationship with a lack of grace or graciousness.

i can say for me it's the loss of possibilities that hurts the most - it's like the other person just didn't see all of the fun and adventure and laughter and love that i could see as our potential.

then i realize that's ok, they're probably seeing something i don't and don't want to.
 
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Bill1104 is offline Bill1104 Post #6  November 27,2010, 2:24pm
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savman wrote :
It is natural for that to hurt, and create sadness for a while. But, I have never understood why so many feel anger towards the other person for ending a relationship.
Because there might be more to it than simply ending the relationship. Look at all the posts here where the OP was made a fool of; where they were cheated on; where they lost all of their money and were left with horrible credit. Many had invested years in a relationship that turned sour through no fault of their own.

They have every right to feel anger towards the other person ending a relationship.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #7  November 27,2010, 4:10pm
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I don't disagree with you Bill. Each case is different. The question in this thread contained the following:

"And of course I'm not talking about cases where someone takes clear advantage of someone else and/or is particularly cruel."
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  November 27,2010, 4:45pm
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Well, I certainly understand if someone becomes disappointed from being rejected. But, I also believe that one should not get emotionally involved with someone until he/she is confident that his/her date, lover or interest have genuine feelings for the person.

I don't agree that people can't help who they like. We all have choices and will exercise said choice when necessary.

In all, a person has a right to have a change of heart, but it would be nice to be courteous/respectful when one decides to go a different direction.

B.Y.
 
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RebelRouser is offline RebelRouser Post #9  November 27,2010, 5:14pm
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StuckOnYou wrote :

And of course I'm not talking about cases where someone takes clear advantage of someone else and/or is particularly cruel.


What'cha think?
I think in many ways, it's a lot easier to be angry and upset when there are no obvious reasons. The rejection hurts, and the kneejerk reaction when there's nothing obvious to attribute to, is to assign blame to the other person and come up with things that perhaps may be 'wrong' with them.

I think it's a natural enough reaction, and don't hold it against anybody. What can be a problem is how long this period of anger is nursed. Sooner or later, it's got to be up to the rejected party to try and forge ahead and find something more positive to do with that anger for their own sake. I think grieving the loss is a important part of any relationship ending, but we all have a lot more power than we often think to make changes and reclaim the time and energy we put in to being angry at someone about something that didn't work out.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  November 27,2010, 5:31pm
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Hah! Just this week I got myself into a heckuva lotta trouble over this very subject.

Whether or not one has the right to hold a grudge is beside the point...it's counterproductive...very unattractive to the opposite sex (to anyone, really)

I spent 18 years with my first husband. We parted on good terms, wishing each other well. That is a credit to both of us.

The last thing I want to see is somebody filled with bitterness towards anybody for anything. I'm sure I'm not the only one turned off by a "woe is me I'm a victim" negative mentality...especially if it's something over years ago.

Bill1104 wrote :
Many had invested years in a relationship that turned sour through no fault of their own.
I admit to being skeptical of those who were "years in a relationship" not knowing the other person was unhappy. My first thought (after having been twice married for many years) is...why were you caught by surprise?

JMHO, of course, FWIW.

j8a
 
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