He stopped talking to me...what the heck?


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devongray is offline devongray Post #1  November 26,2010, 9:35am
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I started dating a guy about a month ago. We both agreed we felt that "click" and had undeniable chemistry on many different levels. We saw each other 2-3 times a week on average. Monday night we had dinner and then laid around and talked about us and our expectations. We both were on the same page about what we wanted and he expressed that he really likes me and feels that I could be "that" person for him. We agreed we will just keep on getting to know each other and enjoying our time.

Next day, Tuesday, we texted back and forth and last text I got from him was "I miss u! U are so beautiful " ..my response went un answered. The next day, Wed, I did not text him since I figured I texted him last and i dont want to seem clingy..plus if that happens he usually texts me first. Never heard from him Wednesday at all. Thursday I sent him a quick message wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving... no response. He was not going out of town for the holiday and said he would just have dinner with some co workers. I tried calling once and it rang and it went to voicemail. My friend tried calling from an unblocked number to see if it may be specific to my calls...no answers either. Today is Friday and I have not heard from him yet. I don't want to jump to the worst possible conclusion but it is becoming increasingly difficult not to.. Something happened between his last text message to me and today making him not want to talk to me. How should I proceed? Send him a message asking that if he no longer wants to see me, he at least tell me so? Say nothing and forget him? Message his roomate and ask if he is alive? Please help, thanks!
 
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SnickerdoodleYum is offline SnickerdoodleYum Post #2  November 26,2010, 9:46am
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Do you have his email address? Maybe he went out of town or traveled and forgot or lost his phone.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  November 26,2010, 9:49am
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I consider it fine to contact the roommate, but I suggest not doing any of the other.

You already left two unanswered messages, and that's enough.

A message saying "are you still interested" is only going to sound needy.

What would be okay is a message setting up a specific meeting. This should be done without mention to the prior message, or any sense of doubt on your part.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  November 26,2010, 9:52am
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It's the holidays. So you haven't heard from him in, what, 3 whole days? Give it till Sunday night or Monday before you jump to conclusions. He has your contact information, he knows where to find you.

If you send him an "is it over?" email at this point, it might push some very negative buttons and might end something you weren't trying to end.
Watch some football, eat some leftovers and relax!
 
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devongray is offline devongray Post #5  November 26,2010, 10:39am
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Going from touching base on daily basis to not even a quick "Happy Thanksgiving" message along with three days of complete silence is a bit concerning to me.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  November 26,2010, 10:49am
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devongray wrote :
Going from touching base on daily basis to not even a quick "Happy Thanksgiving" message along with three days of complete silence is a bit concerning to me.

And with good reason! Marked changes in communication are cause for concern more often than not.

However, as a matter of logic:

- If the person simply is unable to communicate. Then the best thing is to just wait for them to repair the ability. In this instance, a needy massage can only do damage. So, a needy message is a bad idea.

- If the person is in fact distancing or withdrawing. Then, the best option is to come with a fun and easy meeting plan. This option can do no harm (and is usually a good idea anyway.) At worst, you made another, modest effort which will go unrewarded.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  November 26,2010, 10:53am
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I agree with D_Lion. Also, he could be sick or something. Give it another day or 2, then send an invitation.

If at that point you get no response, either he's lost interest or something radically bad has happened to him.
 
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Quendy is offline Quendy Post #8  November 26,2010, 11:05am
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He could be sick. He could have been unexpectedly taken away by the Thanksgiving aliens. His fingers could be broken and he can't call or text you. He might be lying in a ditch, murmuring your name as he fades in and out of consciousness.

You can dream up many likely explanations, but the most logical? He's just not that in to you. If he truly thinks you're beautiful and wonderful, he will be in touch with you on a regular basis. If he goes on a vacation and doesn't even have the courtesy to tell you, do you really want him? Do you like being neglected? Do you like wondering where he is and what he's doing and why he isn't talking to you?

I'm sure, if you sit quietly and wait, he will call you again with some excuse, when he gets done doing whatever it is that is more important than you. If you don't mind a man who is okay with wasting your time while you wonder where he is, then maybe this is a great catch. Otherwise? Hit the "next" button. Find someone who has respect for you and your time. As a musical prophet once said, "Life is so brief, and time is a thief, when you're undecided...and like a fistful of sand it will slip right through your hands."
 
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Beachedgenie is offline Beachedgenie Post #9  November 26,2010, 11:12am
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My x BF would do this every once in a while, turned out he was spending time with other women, ones that he paid for and found on craigs' list.
I'd be very cautious of him if you do get back in contact, especially if he pretends it didn't happen. Behavior like this makes me wonder if I am one of many 'on the side' relationships.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #10  November 26,2010, 12:00pm
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I am thinking big red flag with lime green polka dots as big as beach balls. But I have to agree with the others to just give it some time. Gather up your patience. Take a deep breath.

Call your girlfriends -- yep, the ones you probably ignored for a while and make some plans. Either way, if you gonna fall from the relationship, it would be nice to have your friends around to share some time.
 
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