Completely freaking Out!!!


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ngbm is offline ngbm Post #1  November 26,2010, 6:39am
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This match I am in OC sends me an email on my work email address [which I did not give to him , i use a different email for EH] as I was reading the email , my office phone rings and its him! So I ask how he got my work number and he casually says he found me on google!
I have only exchanged 2 emails with this guy . No phone conversations prior. I went to check the previous emails to see how he could have found me on google, I only told him my first name and my job .
He proceeded to ask if I could meet him for lunch because he was near my office!! I said no thanks and closed him out.
I went on google and typed my first name and job in, and there I was with my last name, website, address and phone number on several sites on the first 2 pages of the search .
I was so disturbed I couldnt concentrate on work , I left work for home consttantly checking my rear-view mirror making sure I am not being followed!
I am so scared right now, he seems like a nice guy , but who does that???
How do I prevent someone from finding out so much about me online?
Give them a fake name? Dont tell them what I do? Pleaase help!
 
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dakotatogo is offline dakotatogo Post #2  November 26,2010, 6:52am
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Either be more vague about your profession or use a nickname as your first name until you are more comfortable with matches. I think this is an isolated incident. Most matches will not google you and then be so forward as to contact you through work email, phone etc.

I had something similar happen a few months ago. I happened to be matched to a guy that worked in the same business park as I do. We met for lunch, got along nicely. A few days later I catch him cruising through my parking lot at work, freaked me out. Long story short, he and I are now friends.. he just exercised some very bad judgement.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #3  November 26,2010, 6:54am
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You have every right to freak out. He crossed the line. I can't imagine a situation when someone could claim ignorance here. He should know better.

In the future, you will need to alter some of your initial information to prevent this situation from even being possible.

In the mean time, I think you should report him to the dating site management, and also be very alert and careful when you leave your house.

Good luck
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #4  November 26,2010, 6:54am
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Wow. Even if you look at this from the most benign perspective, the guy has poor boundary judgment. Several years ago I had a guy find me in a similar fashion, only he used a professional directory for my industry. Not good.

I'd hope you wouldn't have to change your on-screen name to eliminate the possibility of this happening again. Maybe you want to look at how you describe your job on your profile, if you've been really specific about it. For example, if you were the chief of the fire department in your town, you could put "firefighter" or "public safety" instead of "Fire Chief." It would be especially easy to Google "Fire Chief" and your first name and state, and get your info.

Also, if you have a very distinctive first name, you might want to put in your nickname, i.e. Cassie instead of Cassandra.

Fortunately only a small percentage of people would be rude/creepy enough to do what this guy did, but it only takes one...
Last edited by Tipitina; November 26,2010 at 7:07am. Reason: finally remembered the right word!
 
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dakotatogo is offline dakotatogo Post #5  November 26,2010, 7:01am
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Either be more vague about your profession or use a nickname as your first name until you are more comfortable with matches. I think this is an isolated incident. Most matches will not google you and then be so forward as to contact you through work email, phone etc.

I had something similar happen a few months ago. I happened to be matched to a guy that worked in the same business park as I do. We met for lunch, got along nicely. A few days later I catch him cruising through my parking lot at work, freaked me out. Long story short, he and I are now friends.. he just exercised some very bad judgement.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  November 26,2010, 7:02am
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ngbm wrote :
I was so disturbed I couldnt concentrate on work , I left work for home consttantly checking my rear-view mirror making sure I am not being followed!
I am so scared right now, he seems like a nice guy , but who does that???
How do I prevent someone from finding out so much about me online?
Give them a fake name? Dont tell them what I do? Pleaase help!
what he did was way over the line...creepy, really.
but you only control so much of what someone sees online...if you're info is already out there, it's out there.

You could put your first initial as your name and that might help.

I've also been on first dates where I found out that the woman put a different town in (her profile)then where she lived...(I drove an hour there and we met in that town, and I said in conversation" gee, this looks like a nice town, so how long have you lived here?..she said: "I don't.")
 
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savman is offline savman Post #7  November 26,2010, 7:07am
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ngbm wrote :
This match I am in OC sends me an email on my work email address [which I did not give to him , i use a different email for EH] as I was reading the email , my office phone rings and its him! So I ask how he got my work number and he casually says he found me on google!
I have only exchanged 2 emails with this guy . No phone conversations prior. I went to check the previous emails to see how he could have found me on google, I only told him my first name and my job .
He proceeded to ask if I could meet him for lunch because he was near my office!! I said no thanks and closed him out.
I went on google and typed my first name and job in, and there I was with my last name, website, address and phone number on several sites on the first 2 pages of the search .
I was so disturbed I couldnt concentrate on work , I left work for home consttantly checking my rear-view mirror making sure I am not being followed!
I am so scared right now, he seems like a nice guy , but who does that???
How do I prevent someone from finding out so much about me online?
Give them a fake name? Dont tell them what I do? Pleaase help!
So hard to know. The guy could be a nut. But, he might just be trying to be unique and show interest.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  November 26,2010, 7:08am
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IMO, the problem with locking down tightly on names, jobs, etc..is that at some point you are going to have conversations about this stuff anyway, and the people who are nutcases are going to abuse this, be it the second, third or fourth date...so you are really not going to stop them, only delay the inevitable.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #9  November 26,2010, 7:18am
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TheThinker wrote :
IMO, the problem with locking down tightly on names, jobs, etc..is that at some point you are going to have conversations about this stuff anyway, and the people who are nutcases are going to abuse this, be it the second, third or fourth date...so you are really not going to stop them, only delay the inevitable.
True, but by the second, third date you have a much better idea of whether they are really a nut job or not, and you can then choose to give out that information.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #10  November 26,2010, 7:27am
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savman wrote :
True, but by the second, third date you have a much better idea of whether they are really a nut job or not, and you can then choose to give out that information.
Exactly. Totally agree with you on this. The OP's guy gave himself up even before the first date.

Women have to be much more wary about men than the other way around. I'm gonna get tomatoes on this statement. But if you believe anything else . . . you are in lala land.
 
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