BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  November 24,2010, 11:34am
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How do you date someone who states in their answers(first stage of GC) that they are "always late"?

How is tardiness not a deal breaker?

Do you have an issue with someone who is constantly or chronically late on dates? What if it isn't only about dates, but said person is late no matter where he/she goes or what he/she does?

I have received a request to communicate with a woman who answered in the first stage of GC that she is "always late". I did move on to stage two, but I am really considering having a change of heart and closing her out. To be quite frank, being always late is a deal breaker.

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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  November 24,2010, 11:38am
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Sometimes being tardy would be called "fashionably late". I've been told this by dates and my response was that as long as it wasn't for things important (doctor's appointments, things that cannot be rescheduled, etc) I would just compensate by telling them they needed to be there earlier.

You might want to clarify with this woman what her definition of "always late" is. Some consider 5 minutes as late. Others consider only after 20 minutes are you late. I've even met people who think that if you aren't 10 minutes early you are late.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  November 24,2010, 11:52am
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If I knew they were regularly late by about say 15 minutes...I would tel them to meet me at 6:45...knowing full well they aint getting ther till 7.


My sister is like this.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  November 24,2010, 11:55am

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well, one good thing is she states it up front.

if it's going to annoy you, close her out.

personally, I'm usually 15 minutes late to everything except work and appointments i pay for. i make it a point to be on time for the first couple dates but inform them that i'm not good with set times and will usually be late, but i also don't make plans for anything that requires pinpoint accuracy, normally.

ETA: i have a family member that is notoriously late- like 2 hours or so- to everything.
Last edited by scarlet13; November 24,2010 at 12:00pm.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  November 24,2010, 12:01pm
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Someone who is habitually late usually tends to have other accompanying behavior such as being unorganized and self-centered. To me, acknowledging that you're always late and not doing something about it exhibits rudeness. These are all things that would be a deal breaker for me.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #6  November 24,2010, 12:04pm
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Always being late is a deal breaker for me. It is also a compatibility issue since if I am not earlier I am late.

I associate late as with the following - flaky, inconsiderate (of the other person's time), and unreliable (you said you would be there at X and you were not).

But that is just me. I always give dates my number so they can call if they are going to be late. If you are late without calling it is a deal breaker for me.

My last date (a first meeting) the guy was 20 minutes late. He called 10 minutes after he was suppose to be there to let me know. It's a good thing he did call because I usually don't wait around more that 15-20 minutes for someone. My time is important and I don't want to be waiting around forever for someone who can't even spare the time to call and let me know they are running late.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  November 24,2010, 12:08pm

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tweet37 wrote :
Someone who is habitually late usually tends to have other accompanying behavior such as being unorganized and self-centered. To me, acknowledging that you're always late and not doing something about it exhibits rudeness. These are all things that would be a deal breaker for me.
i'm self centered, but i'm not unorganized. actually quite the opposite. though i agree with you- my cousin is horribly unorganized and lazy to boot.

FWIW, it's not about being late with me- I'm not always late- but about not being punctual. when it comes to leisure time, I prefer not to be on a strict schedule. I've never dated a guy that had an issue with it- though i did date someone who used to rush me when i was getting ready to go out. we didn't last long.


ETA: for instance, tonight i am meeting some friends for dinner/drinks. we are meeting at "8ish" so that means we will all get there at varying times between 7:45 and 8:30.
Last edited by scarlet13; November 24,2010 at 12:12pm.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  November 24,2010, 12:10pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Sometimes being tardy would be called "fashionably late". I've been told this by dates and my response was that as long as it wasn't for things important (doctor's appointments, things that cannot be rescheduled, etc) I would just compensate by telling them they needed to be there earlier.

You might want to clarify with this woman what her definition of "always late" is. Some consider 5 minutes as late. Others consider only after 20 minutes are you late. I've even met people who think that if you aren't 10 minutes early you are late.
Question for you. During the first stage, there is an option where a person can type in an answer. How come a person can't briefly state that they are usually a little late or fashionably late? To click "always late" really doesn't sit well with me.

I do understand your point with asking for clarification, but I am really not in the mood to have any drama with anyone. Not to say that I will receive drama, but being on time is really important to me. It is a basic necessity if I am going to establish any type of relationship with someone.

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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  November 24,2010, 12:16pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
If I knew they were regularly late by about say 15 minutes...I would tel them to meet me at 6:45...knowing full well they aint getting ther till 7.


My sister is like this.
Yeah, I could do that, but why should I? What is hard about being on time? Check this out, I commute 70 miles each way to work. I make the time by getting to my dispatch hall and job on time. It is the least I can do considering all of the benefits, perks and other good things my job offers me. All they ask is to be on time and I give my job that respect by being on time. Granted, there are times where things happen and someone will be late. I don't have a problem with that.

But, for someone to tell me that they are always late is simply an issue. If they are not going to place importance on being on time on a date, then why should I? Time is of the essence and if a person isn't willing to give me the courtesy of being on time then I don't think they should be given any consideration as well. I am really considering closing this person out. I will let it "marinate" before banging my gavel. lol

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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  November 24,2010, 12:17pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Someone who is habitually late usually tends to have other accompanying behavior such as being unorganized and self-centered. To me, acknowledging that you're always late and not doing something about it exhibits rudeness. These are all things that would be a deal breaker for me.
Well stated. I agree.

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