scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #71  November 24,2010, 7:34pm

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D_Lion wrote :
This thread is keeping me up late.
i'm on my way to Jack and Mikes for cocktails.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #72  November 24,2010, 7:36pm
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It's about trust and respect. If I am constantly waiting, I wont trust that you will keep your word when we make arrangements to meet. And I will feel like you do not respect my time.

I don't play games to test how late someone will be... I don't intentionally come later to 'win'. I've done it before, and honestly it doesn't make me feel like a good person.

Anyway, that's how I feel. I don't expect other people to behave the same way, but if you do, I will like you more and more. kindred spirit effect!
 
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Beachedgenie is offline Beachedgenie Post #73  November 25,2010, 1:54am
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tweet37 wrote :
Someone who is habitually late usually tends to have other accompanying behavior such as being unorganized and self-centered. To me, acknowledging that you're always late and not doing something about it exhibits rudeness. These are all things that would be a deal breaker for me.
I have to agree with Tweet.
When I am late, it's usually because of severe traffic. In cases like that, I call. To me, it sounds like she just doesn't care about others, and is disrespectful of their time.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #74  November 25,2010, 6:16am
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scarlet13 wrote :
ok, so in this case, should someone be intentionally late, as you suggested, to test them? i don't see that as being respectful at all.

i don't believe that's what you really meant. but it would be helpful if you clarified your argument.
The first time I said to show up 25 minutes late to test them I was being facetious. The second time I suggested setting the meeting time at 7ish and seeing how they response to the "ish". Then showing up around 7ish (7:20ish) and seeing what they do. I don't know what "ish" means which is why I don't like it. "Ish" means different things to different people. One person can think it means give or take 5 minutes while another can think it means give or take 30 minutes. So if you show up at 7:20 for a 7ish meeting, you are still showing up on time, technically.

However, what I really think people should do is just do what they would *normally* do. If you are usually late, you will probably be late to this meeting too. What I don't think it right is to start getting ready an extra 15 minutes early, so you will be on time, when you normally don't take those extra 15 minutes. You a not doing what you normally do.

If you can't tell, I'm really big on being yourself and honesty.

scarlet13 wrote :
i respect my own time equally as i do other people's time. should i respect my own time less? why?

what should i reevaluate? should i assume, before going out on a date, that i might need a extra 15 minutes to fix my eyeliner that i drew a bit wonky, and that the cat swatted a hole in my stockings, and that my neighbor wanted a chat, and that i might have left the coffee maker on, or my mother called? should i start getting ready for a 7:00 date at 4:00, just in case all these things happen?

again, you are making the assumption that a tardy person is unorganized. not true, in my case and clearly, others here as well.
But you are not respecting other people's time equally if you are usually late. And it is not respecting your time less, it is realizing that you are not allocating enough time for you to get to the place you need to get to. Do you think you are the only person these things happen too? Of course, I don't think you do. However, how come some people can usually be on time and other are usually late? The difference is because someone who is on time gauges how much time they will need to get ready and get to a place better than the person who is usually late. Some people need an hour and a half to get ready other only need 30 minutes. But as an adult, you should know by now how much time that is. If you are always running 15 minutes late then you are underestimating how much time you need by 15 minutes.

scarlet13 wrote :

you also think that others should be on time, because if they aren't, you feel uncomfortable. how you feel is on you, regardless of what is going on around you. it's unfair to put the responsibility of your emotions on someone else.

get it now?
In another post you said:

scarlet13 wrote :

to answer your question- I don't set out to be late. if i'm meeting someone for the first time, i know that leaving them waiting for 15 minutes is going to cause them anxiety- thinking i'm standing them up or whatever. so, i try to be as close to the time as possible. i'm not rude. (get it now? )
If someone's feeling is their responsibility and not yours then why does it matter if your actions cause them anxiety?

Plus, I think that is malarkey. Yes, people are ultimately responsible for their own feelings and actions but, people are very intertwined and other people's choices and action do effect other people very much. That is society for you and yes, I do think people have an obligation to play nice and be considerate of other people's feelings. To say it isn't my fault that I hurt someones feelings or made them feel bad shows a lack of willingness to take responsibility for your own actions and a type of selfishness.

But I doubt you really meant it quite like that considering your earlier comment.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #75  November 25,2010, 2:49pm
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Xable wrote :
That was my point, we treat strangers better than our friends who we should treat better/same. We often treat our loved ones worse than we would other people because of the fact that they still love me anyways.
This seems to be one of the issues here. People seem to have different standards for strangers than they do for friends and loved ones. The question becomes "Why?" Why treat strangers better than we treat our friends and loved ones?

If it's normal for a person to always be late, then that person should be late for strangers and friends and loved ones. Never mind the different standards.

Always late to me still implies a certain amount of disrespect for the other person involved, whether that person is a stranger or a friend or relative. It's true that life happens and we can't avoid being late at times, but nowadays we've got things such as cell phones and ipods - if you're going to be late there's no reason not to phone the other person - whether it's a stranger or a friend or a loved one - and tell that person "I'm sorry I'm going to be late for ---- whatever reason."
Last edited by nancymargritangelita; November 26,2010 at 4:29am.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #76  November 26,2010, 2:15pm
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UPDATE:

I decided to close the "usually late" woman out. I simply can't see anything positive coming from this interaction. There were other reasons as well, but I think it would be best if I moved on to someone who values time better.

I do wish her the best and confident she will find someone special.

B.Y.
 
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