Great date and then he......


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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #1  November 23,2010, 5:14am
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Discouraged.....

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Need some help figuring this situation out. Had a great 3rd date with a guy I met on another dating site this past weekend. Hung out at his place, there was a lot of cuddling and kissing, nothing more. He does text, call and we have another date planned for later week.

My question, I logged onto the dating site and noticed he has changed his photos since our last date. While I wouldn't expect or want him to pull his profile at this point, I am seeing these very recent updates as the classic case of "he's just not that into you." Thoughts please. Thanks so much.
Last edited by itsabeatutifulday; November 23,2010 at 5:26am.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #2  November 23,2010, 5:27am
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I'd ask him about it and see what he has to say!

The other thing that stands out is that you're still logging into the site which could give him the same impression of you.

My question to you would be if you don't want him on the site why are you on it? If you answer to see if he's still on it, then you have the whole issue of why you don't trust him!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  November 23,2010, 5:36am
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After three dates I don't even consider us dating, more like barely warming up to it. I don't think it means much one way or another. Look at how he is treating you in real life and the fact that he is interested in maintaining contact and seeing you. Whether this will ultimately develop into something or not is way too soon to tell.

Just because you met on a dating site, does not mean that you can just jump straight into a relationship and skip over the getting to know each other, hanging out and having fun parts.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #4  November 23,2010, 5:53am
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itsabeatutifulday wrote :
My question, I logged onto the dating site and noticed he has changed his photos since our last date. While I wouldn't expect or want him to pull his profile at this point, I am seeing these very recent updates as the classic case of "he's just not that into you." Thoughts please. Thanks so much.
Itsabeatutifulday,


I don’t know about others but I am always refining my profile on here as well as eH. It is not a reflection of anyone I am dating but that I am in a search for the “one”.

Now once I am in a committed relationship I change my status and turn off the matching engine, but I do not remove my data. I have been on again and off again dating for six years since my wife passed. While the longest lasted nearly two years and when that one became committed I never updated my data until we broke it off, you don’t sound like you are even in a committed relationship.

If you want a committed relationship and exclusivity you need to ask for it. Assuming anything today in a world of AIDS and incurable STDs will eventually lead to heartache.

IMHO

YFR
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #5  November 23,2010, 5:53am
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hmmmm...this could go either way. if I've met someone I really, really like, after three dates, I wouldn't be updating my photos, although I still might be signing onto my online account.

but then, I'm not this person, and I am not you, and I don't know exactly what everything feels like between you two. only you can decide if things feel good and right and exactly where they should be after three dates.

I'd stop signing on to check on him. That will drive you nuts. I do know that. I used to do that if I was dating someone I liked who had an online profile.

Just take it one date/day at a time. Sounds like things are good and, hopefully, within a few more dates he won't be interested in updating his profile any longer. good luck!
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #6  November 23,2010, 5:55am
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DancingFool wrote :
After three dates I don't even consider us dating, more like barely warming up to it. I don't think it means much one way or another. Look at how he is treating you in real life and the fact that he is interested in maintaining contact and seeing you. Whether this will ultimately develop into something or not is way too soon to tell.

Just because you met on a dating site, does not mean that you can just jump straight into a relationship and skip over the getting to know each other, hanging out and having fun parts.
Sorry, I think it's bad advice to ask the OP to compromise on her dating strategy. It is completely reasonable for the OP to want or expect exclusivity after three dates and a measure of intimacy (I am with the OP here).

As to advice for the OP, the only solution I've found is to prevent the issue from happening, and that's done by filtering for people who meet your dating strategy; something to be done on the first date by asking if they're multi-dating, taking it "slow," or whatever.
 
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CPToto is offline CPToto Post #7  November 23,2010, 6:15am
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I'm piggybacking on what a couple people have already said, but I'll give you a discussion I had with a friend a few months ago after I had a successful date:

Me: I'm kind of bummed -- she signed onto her online profile the day after our date.
Friend: And how did you discover this?
Me: By signing on...oh.
Friend: Yeah. Irony.

I understand your concern about these particular circumstances in terms of him changing his profile a bit. But like Scully said, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he has signed on...especially considering you're doing the same exact thing (even if it is to "check on him.")
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #8  November 23,2010, 6:46am
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CPToto wrote :
I'm piggybacking on what a couple people have already said, but I'll give you a discussion I had with a friend a few months ago after I had a successful date:

Me: I'm kind of bummed -- she signed onto her online profile the day after our date.
Friend: And how did you discover this?
Me: By signing on...oh.
Friend: Yeah. Irony.

I understand your concern about these particular circumstances in terms of him changing his profile a bit. But like Scully said, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he has signed on...especially considering you're doing the same exact thing (even if it is to "check on him.")
But what if he has hidden his profile?
 
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CPToto is offline CPToto Post #9  November 23,2010, 6:58am
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Raw_Truth wrote :
But what if he has hidden his profile?
Unless I misread the OP's post, it doesn't sound like this guy hid his profile -- he changed it. Regardless, if you're logging in to check somebody's profile out, you are still logging in. For all you know, the other person could be wondering why you signed on.

Like someone else alluded -- if you're hiding your own profile to secretly peek at someone else's, there is clearly a trust issue.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #10  November 23,2010, 7:20am
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CPToto wrote :
Unless I misread the OP's post, it doesn't sound like this guy hid his profile -- he changed it. Regardless, if you're logging in to check somebody's profile out, you are still logging in. For all you know, the other person could be wondering why you signed on.

Like someone else alluded -- if you're hiding your own profile to secretly peek at someone else's, there is clearly a trust issue.
Sorry, what if she has hidden her profile.

Nah, not a trust issue. It's a compatibility check.
 
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