Uncertain situation - help! :)


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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #1  October 24,2010, 3:28pm
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Thoughts - advice - am I crazy for even considering this?

Met a guy online recently. We e-mailed a bit and then met for coffee. Things went pretty well and we have seen each other four or five times over the past several weeks. He is still rather diligent about writing e-mails and sends some sort of written communication almost every day which is really sweet.

He's a little introverted (but so am I) but also very intelligent, laid back and thoughtful. We just seem to get along very well.

He was upfront with me from the very start that he may be moving cross country. Things are still quite up in the air about this issue for him. He could be staying, he could be going, he just doesn't know how things are going to play out.

To this point, it's all felt very friendly (as in 'friends hanging out' instead of 'dating'). Part of the time I think he is hesitating because he's shy or because he doesn't want to get too involved and then have to move, but then maybe he really isn't interested in anything more than friendship? I just can't tell.

The thing is, I really kind of like the guy. While I'm concerned about the possibility of the move, if it wasn't a factor I would definitely be wanting to explore more than a just friends scenario with him.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking...for your thoughts on the situation in general, I guess. The potential move and if you think that the fact that it feels more like we're friends hanging out means that probably is all it really is or has the potential to be.

Thanks for your help, everyone!
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  October 24,2010, 3:57pm
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His "possible" move sounds familiar.

Why is he moving and how imminent is the move?

Is there any touching/kissing on your dates or is it just hanging out?

My first thought is "might be moving" is code for "don't expect too much" ... but that's just a guess. I think I'd proceed w/ caution.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  October 24,2010, 4:11pm
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One factor in his/her moving is the fact that he hasnt been able to find that special someone there.

S/he may be unhappy with something and want to change. she may not enjoy his job but in reality if he was with someone he would be fine with his job.

Another factor is what their career asperations are...if they feel they cant advance in their career and have to move then that is a legit factor. with some careers you need to move around to get the promotions in your career.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #4  October 24,2010, 4:17pm
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Special-K wrote :
His "possible" move sounds familiar.

Why is he moving and how imminent is the move?

Is there any touching/kissing on your dates or is it just hanging out?

My first thought is "might be moving" is code for "don't expect too much" ... but that's just a guess. I think I'd proceed w/ caution.
Just hanging out, a quick hug at the end of the date and some physical contact initiated by me (light touch on the arm or back, etc.).

The move is motivated by career aspirations. It is not certain that he will move but I think that it is as likely as not. Maybe a 50/50 chance. I will say that I'm grateful that he disclosed this to me so early on. It would have been worse to have found this out later rather than sooner, I guess. So I admire the honesty.

Thanks for your input!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #5  October 24,2010, 4:19pm
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Until he knows whether or not he is moving, neither of you can expect an exclusive relationship. For the time being, I would continue to meet and enjoy each other's company but put the romantic possibilities on a shelf. It could be a very low shelf!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 25,2010, 9:17am
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Let me suggest that you follow the lead of this poster:

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...something.html (Sometimes, you just gotta say something :))
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  October 25,2010, 9:46am
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He is telling you (up front) that he has one foot out the door , and can't be pinned down. He may move... so you have been given just enough hope to hang on or get involved, but he has given himself an out with the preemptive "I may be moving" strike.

Weird tactic, is your great love going to keep him there?....stay tuned...

peacefulharp wrote :
Met a guy online recently. we have seen each other four or five times over the past several weeks.
He's a little introverted (but so am I) but also very intelligent, laid back and thoughtful. We just seem to get along very well.

He was upfront with me from the very start that he may be moving cross country. Things are still quite up in the air about this issue for him. He could be staying, he could be going, he just doesn't know how things are going to play out.


While I'm concerned about the possibility of the move, if it wasn't a factor I would definitely be wanting to explore more than a just friends scenario with him.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #8  October 25,2010, 10:34am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
He is telling you (up front) that he has one foot out the door , and can't be pinned down. He may move... so you have been given just enough hope to hang on or get involved, but he has given himself an out with the preemptive "I may be moving" strike.

Weird tactic, is your great love going to keep him there?....stay tuned...
Wiseman living up to his name yet again!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  October 25,2010, 10:36am
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Could you talk to him about whether he sees you as a friend or potential romance? I think that would be reasonable, if after 4-5 dates you're unsure whether this is just-friends or a romance from his POV.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  October 25,2010, 10:38am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
He is telling you (up front) that he has one foot out the door , and can't be pinned down. He may move... so you have been given just enough hope to hang on or get involved, but he has given himself an out with the preemptive "I may be moving" strike.

Weird tactic, is your great love going to keep him there?....stay tuned...
That's certainly a possibility, but it's making a lot of assumptions about who this guy is. It's also possible he's been contemplating moving for awhile and hasn't made up his mind, and he's just letting her know that is an issue. Am I way too gullible? lol.

To me it seems more pertinent that after 4-5 dates it's not clear whether they're friends or dating.
 
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