Percival is offline Percival Post #1  October 24,2010, 3:06pm
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Hi folks

Back into the fold after a bad experience some months ago, now fully buried, have met this very nice woman, a big surprise.

Had first date which I expected to be the customary hour, hour and 1/2 for drinks and we ended spending 5 hours, talking and enjoying a great time. Made plans for a second date following week.

2nd date comes, again, great night. Now date ends with a a soft peck on the lips, very nice, let's see each other over the WE. She proposes the venue.

3rd date. Again, great time, all afternoon, then dinner and afterwards she leaves me home (she was driving). Tell her to find a place to park and says she's gonna go. OK, put no pressure whatsoever on her, my answer was "no problem, let's combine to see each other during the week..." Again, couple of pecks on the lips as good-bye.

Now, what I've seen is

- Good communication, both in flow, content, strong eye contact, mutual interest, however

- She seems a bit coldsih. Not too receptive to physical contact (let me add here I'm not pushing it, not going-in strong, only gauging what's her response very calmly).

Now, in her replies to me she has thanked me for being a great company. I'm not so sure as to what it really implies, as being a great company could also mean someone "...I'm hanging out with..." without much in the way of looking for some sort of commitment. Think I'm a bit put off by the lack of a more physical contact (being a bit more playful, really) and not that she's fully refusing it, but she's a bit cold (distant?) in that department. Or maybe she's expecting me to be a bit more aggressive, but then clearly she does not allow for more than pecking lips (and I'm not pressing her).

Maybe I'm reading too much into this and should let things settle down, really. Views?
Last edited by Percival; October 24,2010 at 3:09pm.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #2  October 24,2010, 3:49pm
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Hmmm, based on what you've written and how long you've known her it's really difficult to say. But my guess is that she's waiting for you to take the initiative, in a respectful way.

I had a similar situation with someone I dated years ago -- we ended up having a 3 year relationship. During our first date, I thought we really 'clicked.' He held my hand while we went for a romantic walk after dinner. For a goodbye though, he just did this hug-pat-on-the-back thing that made me think he wasn't that interested.

Then he texted me later saying he thought maybe I was less affectionate than he was. Whaaa? We cleared that up right away, lol!

My point is that maybe you could email or text her something nonjudgmental like my boyfriend did, as it was very effective. Something like, "I was wondering what you think about holding hands and kissing, etc. I find you really attractive and wasn't sure if we are on the same page..."

Maybe something shorter, but you get the idea. Good luck!
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 24,2010 at 3:51pm.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  October 24,2010, 4:29pm
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I don't think there is a message that needs to be decoded. It seems as though you are both a little reticent about making physical/affectionate contact.

This is not something I would want to debate in an email or text message. I'd rather just find out what happens if I ask for a hug. My recommendation would be to make a plan for a next date as soon as you can, and let her know you find her attractive. Sincere compliments can provide an opportunity for a kiss.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  October 24,2010, 5:30pm
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Percival wrote :
- Good communication, both in flow, content, strong eye contact, mutual interest, however

- She seems a bit coldsih. Not too receptive to physical contact (let me add here I'm not pushing it, not going-in strong, only gauging what's her response very calmly).

Now, in her replies to me she has thanked me for being a great company. I'm not so sure as to what it really implies, as being a great company could also mean someone "...I'm hanging out with..." without much in the way of looking for some sort of commitment. Think I'm a bit put off by the lack of a more physical contact (being a bit more playful, really) and not that she's fully refusing it, but she's a bit cold (distant?) in that department. Or maybe she's expecting me to be a bit more aggressive, but then clearly she does not allow for more than pecking lips (and I'm not pressing her).

Maybe I'm reading too much into this and should let things settle down, really. Views?
I don't think you are reading too much into it, could it be that your just not used to this type of reaction?

From what you posted, it doesn't seem the cold and distant is due to a lack of interest..maybe she is just not comfortable with being playful and touchy- feely at this stage..but it sounds like the thermometer is moving in the right direction and that could take time.

We all know what cold and distant looks like when a relationship is about to end..

I am in a similar situation.. I am used to a more positive reaction to my game.The girl I am seeing now, the more we speak daily and go on dates, the more comfortable she gets with the touching and being playful..

Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 24,2010 at 5:45pm.
 
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Percival is offline Percival Post #5  October 24,2010, 11:04pm
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Yup, first time I'm seeing this. I can decode when my game is hitting the nail on its head in terms of getting someone into it, or when its going nowhere. She seems a bit in between.

I'm the one taking the initiative physically but being very smooth, careful and tactful. First kissing (on closing 2nd date) came after strong eye contact, when she thanked me for the wonderful night she had. It was there for the taking and then I thought "right, this is it" so started slowly, only to find out that a peck in the lips was as much as she would release then, so left it there. I'm always very alert and never push a woman off what are seemingly her boundaries, at any stage. If I approached it full-on it would have looked odd, uncomfortable. I initiated and let her show me how far she wanted to to. Would have wanted something more passionate, but it was what it was.

On 3rd date my idea was to make dinner at home but she suggested having dinner outside, only if we could not find a space at the place she suggested to come home. Said fine, no probs, why would I have any? Had a wonderful dinner, it was a great day overall. She then drove me home. Only when I suggested her a space to park her har she siad "no, I'm staying here as I'm going." My reaction was a natural "fine, no problem" as it was truly fine with me if she didn't want to stay, even for a cup of coffee. Again, no pressure. Smiles and lip-pecking on good bye.

She might be a slow mover, I tend to engage faster but again, think I know how to adjust pace. Typically would have had a much more clear cut, definite reaction to my game by now. Either full-on or total disinterest. She seems somehow in the middle and that's not a space I'm accostumed to. That's why I'm a bit doubtful in terms of assessing her reactions. Maybe next date during the week will tell.
Last edited by Percival; October 24,2010 at 11:08pm.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #6  October 25,2010, 3:37am
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Thanks for the clarification, Percival. I think you are right to take it slowly, and it sounds as though you are being careful to recognize her boundaries.

Your bewilderment is understandable, but it sounds as though it's worth waiting a while. If, after a few more dates, you don't feel that she wants more playful physical interaction then you should ask her about it. There may be reasons for her reticence that have to do with past experiences or with her dating inexperience.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 25,2010, 3:56am
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Here is what you need to understand - you are a complete stranger that she has seen only three times in her life. Sure, some people can meet someone at a bar and go home with them, but quite a few out there actually need to get to know you and get comfortable with you before jumping into physical contact. This does not make them cold, by the way, just a bit more reserved when it comes to virtual strangers.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  October 25,2010, 4:24am
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Your game? Maybe she hasn't read the seduction books you have and doesn't "know " what she's supposed to do next with your seduction game, according to what the books tell you.

What you are asking here is why your seduction game isn't working on her.
Percival wrote :

I can decode when my game is hitting the nail on its head in terms of getting someone into it, or when its going nowhere.

Typically would have had a much more clear cut, definite reaction to my game by now. .
 
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Percival is offline Percival Post #9  October 25,2010, 10:10am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Your game? Maybe she hasn't read the seduction books you have and doesn't "know " what she's supposed to do next with your seduction game, according to what the books tell you.

What you are asking here is why your seduction game isn't working on her.
Apologies, by "game" I didn't imply any seduction routine BS but how I do normally behave with women, that's all. No need to read books and all that stuff, most of the time I know where I am. I'm not asking if my "seduction game" is or not working, but rather presenting a situation I have not faced before: either I have hit the road quickly or I knew it was a dead end also quickly, bar a situation I faced recently which challenged my mindset as I fell for that person and that was my undoing. Nothing more, nothing less.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 25,2010, 5:48pm
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I suspect that you have been friend zoned by not being more forceful in your approach. But what would I know?
 
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