Online is Kind of Backwards


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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #1  October 24,2010, 7:26am
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Doesn't this all seem a little backwards?

Online...
We get a 'compatible' match, find out some of their interests, try and talk with them, then meet and see if they are really attractive to us.


In the real world...
We see someone who we are attracted to, we try and talk with them, find out some of their interests, and then figure out if we are compatible.


Which is better? Pros and Cons? Are the results the same?
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  October 24,2010, 7:33am
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I prefer meeting IRL... think I make a better impression and not so harshly judged. The only problem is that I don't cross paths w/ enough single guys IRL... don't hang at bars, etc.

So far, while it hasn't been an awful experience, I don't care for e-dating... but can't think of a better way to meet new people...
 
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M_M is offline M_M Post #3  October 24,2010, 7:37am
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If we were all so successful in the real world we would not all be online. And there are more to choose from online.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  October 24,2010, 7:41am
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I agree. It is backwards.

Online, it is also difficult for people who take a long time to open up to make a connection. It's not only backwards, it is also more urgent in making choices. Real life gives us a lot more time to both discover and be discovered.

At the same time, I have not met any dates in real life, and I have had about one a month through online dating. I have learned to adapt.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #5  October 24,2010, 7:43am
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I think it's completely backwards and would always opt for the IRL approach.

I meet many more people with whom I am compatible (personality-wise) than for whom I feel that spark. I only need about 15 minutes with someone IRL to know if I'm interested enough to go for more, while I could spend weeks/months online, or on the phone chatting, and still not know anything beyond wanting to meet to see if there was actually a spark.

I'd rather apply the most stringent filter first.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 24,2010, 7:50am
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You are confusing the role that an online dating site plays. It is a point of introduction.

Let me compare eHarmony to a IRL meeting:

You have a friend who knows you and a single girl. Your friend things about you, interests, values, etc. and also knows similar things about the girl. Your friend thinks that you and this girl would make a good couple and therefore introduces the two of you together. In other words your friend thought you and the girl are "compatible".

eHarmony, through the Personality Profile Questionnaire, learns things about your interests, values, etc. and also learns the same things about various girls. Through their 29 Dimensions of Compatibility they introduce you to the girls that they think are compatible with you and you with them.

Using this view of how both real life and eHarmony works I see no difference between the two. What I do see is that eHarmony "knows" a whole lot more single people, in my case girls, than any of my friends do. In my case none of my friends ever in introduce me to anyone.

If you want to compare a dating site such as Match to real life I would say it is very similar to meeting people in a bar / club situation. In both Match or a bar you "search" for someone that strikes your fancy. You then make a "cold call" sales pitch, on Match you would send an unsolicited e-mail, in the bar you would play your best "pick up line". The only difference is that with a dating site such as Match you will likely know a little more about the person you are approaching than you would in a bar.

In any case you use some method of introduction and then you begin to communicate and get to know the other person. In my case the only place I have ever had ANY success has been eHarmony, as limited as it has been.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 24,2010, 7:51am
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Special-K wrote :
I prefer meeting IRL... think I make a better impression and not so harshly judged. The only problem is that I don't cross paths w/ enough single guys IRL... don't hang at bars, etc.

So far, while it hasn't been an awful experience, I don't care for e-dating... but can't think of a better way to meet new people...
MeetUp.com ? ? ?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 24,2010, 7:55am
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Mythical wrote :
Doesn't this all seem a little backwards?

Online...
We get a 'compatible' match, find out some of their interests, try and talk with them, then meet and see if they are really attractive to us.


In the real world...
We see someone who we are attracted to, we try and talk with them, find out some of their interests, and then figure out if we are compatible.
Congratulations. This really is a key point to understand.

In real life, you might meet a local person and develop a relationship. Then one person needs to move away, and you can decide whether to end things, or struggle (and often fail) to keep the relationship alive.

But online, so many people immediately disconnect their rational thought processes. They imagine that they can read a profile of someone living hundreds or thousands of miles away, and decide that a deep compatibility exists and leap into a long-distance relationship.

eH and e-dating sites in general are not magic. They are simply tools to enlarge the circle of people you can meet. (Yes, eH claims to use "29 dimensions of compatibility". This seems to have little actual value.) And yes, they do turn the dynamic of getting to know someone, completely upside down. That's why I believe it is so important to use eH for basic screening only, and get to an in-person meeting as soon as possible. No prolonged online message exchanges or fantasizing. Get back to real life as soon as you can.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  October 24,2010, 8:18am

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annother wrote :
I agree. It is backwards.

Online, it is also difficult for people who take a long time to open up to make a connection. It's not only backwards, it is also more urgent in making choices. Real life gives us a lot more time to both discover and be discovered.

At the same time, I have not met any dates in real life, and I have had about one a month through online dating. I have learned to adapt.
Yes, Mythical - it throws off everything. Personally, it is so backwards for me that I have a really hard time with it.

Annother thoughts that I bolded above sums up my difficulties exactly.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #10  October 24,2010, 8:35am
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In real life, we rule people in, in e-dating, we rule them out.

I'm still getting used to it, havn't been at it long enough to know if its better or worse. But I thnk for society as a whole, there is no turning back now.
 
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