havetobeyou is offline havetobeyou Post #1  October 22,2010, 5:46pm
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Hi, everyone, i have some update now and like to hear your thoughts. The link is for my last post, thanks everyone's advice on last post!

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...-thinking.html (What is he thinking?)

Right after i posted my original thread, he asked me out on last Friday night for a dinner. But on friday afternoon, he told me he got a cold and probably should rest at home. He also said he would have told me earlier, but he thought it was allergy at first. I said it's too bad, but i understood. Then i thought about the advice from the board, so i asked him if we couldn't meet during the weekend, if he wanted to meet on Tue the following week. There was a film festival in the city, i actually really wanted to see one of the movies. He replied immediately, saying he loved to go with me.

We met on Tue and watched the movie. But when he drop me off, he didn't try to kiss me, just a hug. I was wondering if it's because i was relunctant to kiss last time, so he was taking it slow or just lost interest? don't know....but he seemed exceited to see me and the movie, didn't act distance.

Today, Friday, for some reason, i really wanted to see him. I followed my gutand asked him if he has plan tonight, if he wants to get dinner. I texted him around 3:30 afternoon, and he got back to me at 6pm, saying thanks for asking (i don't like to hear this line), but he can't tonight. He'll talk to me soon and have a good night.

Although i knew he may already have plans since i asked him in such a short notice, i have never asked any guy for dinner. So, i was really disappointed that he couldn't meet me up. Also, it brought me to think if he lost interest.

What do you guys think?

Btw, i don't think i will initiate anything after this, don't want to scare him away.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  October 22,2010, 6:07pm
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I think you are overthinking this. You invited him out on short notice, so a rejection was on the cards. Don't take it personally.

It sounds as though the previous date went well, so you can feel good about that.

The ball is in his court now. It's his turn to call you and make a suggestion for a date. But, don't wait around for it. Fill your life with other people and activities. If he calls, it's a plus.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  October 22,2010, 6:08pm
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Balls in this guy's court. Sit back and do nothing. You've made your interest known.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  October 22,2010, 8:31pm
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You didnt give him much notice for a night where he likely already had plans...this was expected.

Why did he not kiss you...because you resisted it on dat one so now the ball is in your court on kissing him because he isnt going down that path again unless you tell him or initiate it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 23,2010, 6:57am
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Unless you have a long relationship history with the person asking someone for a date on the day that you would like to go out is not a good idea. He may have already had plans or he may have said no so as not to send the signal that he is needy or has no life.

I am also a bit concerned by your statement "saying thanks for asking (i don't like to hear this line), but he can't tonight.". This is someone that you barely know and are not in an exclusive relationship with. This line is truthful and polite. It also could be one that you may hear from anyone that you asked to go out without proper notice, be it your parents, siblings or your friend that you have known since you were 2 years old.

Why he did not kiss you could be any number of reasons. It could have been your reluctance the last time he tried to kiss you. It could be that he is just getting over his cold and does not want to pass it on to you. It could be that he is just not that into kissing. AND I just read that hugging is considered to be a more intimate act than kissing.
 
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SavannahGal is offline SavannahGal Post #6  October 23,2010, 8:33am
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havetobeyou wrote :
Today, Friday, for some reason, i really wanted to see him. I followed my gutand asked him if he has plan tonight, if he wants to get dinner. I texted him around 3:30 afternoon, and he got back to me at 6pm, saying thanks for asking (i don't like to hear this line), but he can't tonight. He'll talk to me soon and have a good night.

Although i knew he may already have plans since i asked him in such a short notice, i have never asked any guy for dinner. So, i was really disappointed that he couldn't meet me up. Also, it brought me to think if he lost interest.

What do you guys think?

Btw, i don't think i will initiate anything after this, don't want to scare him away.
If you don't like to hear lines like that, then don't put someone in the position to say them. You set yourself up for this disappointment and it sounds like you are throwing that responsibility back on him as you think he might be losing interest. Good grief! And now you're being a bit childish here by saying now you won't initiate anything after this. Take a big girl pill and try initiating a date with someone in which you extend the courtesy of a reasonable amount of notice. It shows that you respect his time and are a reasonable person who doesn't expect someone to jump when she calls! Right now, I would let him get back to you, but your turn should come up again to initiate a date if things carry on with him. You have to share responsibility for dating and then a relationship and not make one poorly executed attempt at initiating a date and then quit, putting it all on him if you want a mature healthy relationship.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #7  October 23,2010, 9:01am
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havetobeyou wrote :
Today, Friday, for some reason, i really wanted to see him. I followed my gutand asked him if he has plan tonight, if he wants to get dinner. I texted him around 3:30 afternoon, and he got back to me at 6pm, saying thanks for asking (i don't like to hear this line), but he can't tonight. He'll talk to me soon and have a good night.

Although i knew he may already have plans since i asked him in such a short notice, i have never asked any guy for dinner. So, i was really disappointed that he couldn't meet me up. Also, it brought me to think if he lost interest.

Btw, i don't think i will initiate anything after this, don't want to scare him away.
1. You texted him at 3:30 in the afternoon and expected him to be free for you that evening.

2. You don't like to hear this line.

3. You knew he may already have other plans, but you were disappointed that he couldn't meet you for dinner.

4. You won't initiate anything after this.

Hmmmm . . . . . . . .

You're not exclusive yet are you? Why did you expect him to be free for you on such short notice? Calling him at 3:30 in the afternoon for dinner that evening isn't exactly giving him a chance to change his plans. You should have texted him the day before - then he may have had a better chance to tell you "Sorry not this time, but can we meet on another day." It would have given him time to think of alternate plans. As it is, you didn't give him a chance to do this.

What's wrong with the line "Thanks but not tonight"? He was being polite; this was his way of telling you he had something else planned.

Of course you were disappointed that he couldn't meet you for dinner, but you're the one who gave him short notice. You can't blame him for the rejection.

For heavens sake why won't you initiate anything after this?!!!!!!! This is only one rejection from him - it's not like he's done it a dozen times before. He's not the one that has to make the first move all the time is he? He may be angry with you right now thinking "What the h*ll was she thinking calling me at 3:30 in the afternoon expecting me to be free that evening?"

Call him or text him back and ask him when he is available for dinner. And this time do it the day or two before you want the dinner not an hour beforehand.

Give the guy another chance.
Last edited by nancymargritangelita; October 23,2010 at 11:08am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  October 23,2010, 11:22am
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You seem to want a spontaneous, hey.. l want to go......type relationship.

This will set you up to fall with a guy who likes a plan.

Good idea below to stop initiating and particularly last minute as the mood strikes you with this guy.


There are people who like this type of thing... a passive , last minute kind of guy, who is just sitting around doing nothing and would just love to run over last minute.

Try dating that kind of guy, because this guy will say no to last minute and you will think (incorrectly) he is rejecting you, where as he is rejecting "spontaneous"

havetobeyou wrote :
Then i thought about the advice from the board, so i asked him if we couldn't meet during the weekend, if he wanted to meet on Tue the following week. There was a film festival in the city, i actually really wanted to see one of the movies. He replied immediately, saying he loved to go with me.

Today, Friday, for some reason, i really wanted to see him. I followed my gutand asked him if he has plan tonight, if he wants to get dinner. I texted him around 3:30 afternoon, and he got back to me at 6pm, saying thanks for asking (i don't like to hear this line), but he can't tonight. He'll talk to me soon and have a good night.

Btw, i don't think i will initiate anything after this, don't want to scare him away.
 
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havetobeyou is offline havetobeyou Post #9  October 23,2010, 12:49pm
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thanks for everyone's input. Last night, i gave myself sometime to think, and i realized i was overthinking about this. And you guys are right. I should not call him at 3:30pm and expected him to be free. When he texted me saying he couldn't meet up, i did reply saying, that's ok, and i am sorry that i asked you at last minute. I hope he is not mad at me right now.

About why i didn't like that line "thanks for asking", here is the reason. I know that he is being polite and truthful, and i appreciate that. After i got his msg, i told my girlfriend about it. She was like, oh, i didn't like when guys say "thanks for asking, but...." becuase she has dated lots of people online, and the ones she liked but rejected her all used that line. So, i guess i was affected by her.

Thanks again everyone, if i do ask him for dinner again, i make sure i give enough time to him and i WILL initiate on kissing him this time.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #10  October 24,2010, 2:44pm
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havetobeyou wrote :
And you guys are right. I should not call him at 3:30pm and expected him to be free. When he texted me saying he couldn't meet up, i did reply saying, that's ok, and i am sorry that i asked you at last minute. I hope he is not mad at me right now.
Don't worry about him being mad at you, miss over-thinker.

If you're stressing too much about asking him out, maybe you need to take a breather. He's just a guy. Relax... just go with the flow.
 
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