IncredibleShrinkingWomen is offline IncredibleShrinkingWomen Post #1  October 21,2010, 3:06pm
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Hi-

I have been reading the boards for a long time, this is the first time I have joined and posted something.

I have to say i am a little disturbed about the veiw of men regarding overweight women. At this point in my life I feel like unless I don't start dieting more then I do now I will never find love.

Is this true? What do you guys think? does anyone have a success story of someone finding love even though they are overweight?
Last edited by IncredibleShrinkingWomen; October 21,2010 at 3:09pm.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  October 21,2010, 3:19pm
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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Yes! I know someone. She has a very gregarious personality and was a successful dater. She is married now to a man she met on Match.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  October 21,2010, 3:24pm

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IncredibleShrinkingWomen wrote :
Hi-

I have been reading the boards for a long time, this is the first time I have joined and posted something.

I have to say i am a little disturbed about the veiw of men regarding overweight women. At this point in my life I feel like unless I don't start dieting more then I do now I will never find love.

Is this true? What do you guys think? does anyone have a success story of someone finding love even though they are overweight?
First thing first: Some of you ladies- be prepared to load up your rifles lol but at least give me a 10 second head start so I can run first lol.

Second: Not implying the OP is overweight.

Third: If one is overweight by a few pounds (say 15-35), especially if you were not heavy from the beginning...lots of guys love curvy women. Plus, normal, good, not-shallow men would accept weight gain if you've had kids.

Fourth: You can lose weight. Short men can't add their height.

(ok ladies, I gotta run...don't lock and load yet ok!)
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  October 21,2010, 3:45pm
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I can understand someone who is not over weight not wanting to be in a LTR with someone who is. It doesn't mean they hate the person or wouldn't want to be their friend but if they are in good shape their self they may want a partner who is as well. An over weight person can't really criticize them IMO because that would basically mean they thought they deserved to have someone who isn't over weight which would basically mean they didn't want to be with someone over weight either.

I think generally (not always) people who aren't over weight prefer partners who aren't as well. People who are over weight are more likely to accept a partner who is. If you're over weight and want someone who isn't I think that is basically setting a double standard saying it's OK for you to expect someone you date to not be over weight but it's not OK for someone to not date you because you are.

This isn't directed at the poster or anyone specific it's just how I think most people feel. Not everyone will feel this way but I think this is probably the norm.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  October 21,2010, 4:21pm
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I urge you to look around in the real world and not pay a whole lot of mind to what many of the men on these boards say about this issue. In the real world, you will see women (and men) of all shapes and sizes in loving relationships with partners who think that they are pretty darn fabulous despite carrying a few extra pounds.

The notion that only thin people should "deserve" other thin people, or that it's hypocritical for an overweight person to be attracted to a thinner person, is just odd to me (and is a "rule" that is constantly violated in real life).

Morbid obesity will be a problem in real life, too, but there is a much larger (so to speak) weight range acceptable to men in general than one might ever believe if only reading these boards.
Last edited by neardc; October 21,2010 at 5:07pm. Reason: typo!
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #6  October 21,2010, 4:30pm
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wrote :
I think generally (not always) people who aren't over weight prefer partners who aren't as well. People who are over weight are more likely to accept a partner who is. If you're over weight and want someone who isn't I think that is basically setting a double standard saying it's OK for you to expect someone you date to not be over weight but it's not OK for someone to not date you because you are.
I agree with this, and this just might be what you're seeing on these forums OP. If you want to arm yourself against it, don't shoot for people who are fit when you yourself are overweight (not aimed directly at the OP, btw... just in general)

With that said, I don't think I've seen a lot of people talk negatively about overweight people on these forums. The only case that comes to mind is when there's a new topic every other day about whether no full body shot is a bad thing, and how most likely you will read people saying "if you don't have a full body shot, your matches will assume you're overweight".

Just because they say that, doesn't mean they're saying "being overweight is bad and you won't find a match on here"... What they're saying is "This is a common tactic used by some people to mislead their matches, so watch out". The main focus of their advice being the "Watch out and don't be misled" part.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #7  October 21,2010, 4:35pm
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neardc wrote :
I urge you to look around in the real world and not pay a whole lot of mind to what many of the men on these boards say about this issue. In the real world, you will see women (and men) of all shapes and sizes in loving relationships with partners who think that they are pretty darn fabulous despite carrying a few extra pounds.

The notion that only thin people should "deserve" other thin people, or that it's hypocritical for an overweight person to be attracted to a thinner person, is just odd to me (and is a "rule" that is constantly violated in real life).

Morbid obesity will be a problem in real live, too, but there is a much larger (so to speak) weight range acceptable to men in general than one might ever believe if only reading these boards.
I don't think it's about what someone deserves and what they don't deserve... It's about the case where people feel sorry for themselves that they keep getting rejected, when in reality they're ONLY shooting for physically fit matches, while they themselves are not (This is true for people of both genders)

By all means, go ahead and do it, nobody's telling you not to... The match just might prefer larger body types, or might not care for it all...

What we're simply saying is: Don't conclude that people are shallow when you do the above.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #8  October 21,2010, 5:29pm
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I think we all have a physical ideal when assessing what we are looking for in a mate. I've known enough people who have fallen in love w/have had relationships w/ people who didn't come in the package they expected.

I think what's more important is that you're comfortable w/ who you are.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #9  October 21,2010, 8:05pm
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IncredibleShrinkingWomen wrote :
Hi-

I have been reading the boards for a long time, this is the first time I have joined and posted something.

I have to say i am a little disturbed about the veiw of men regarding overweight women. At this point in my life I feel like unless I don't start dieting more then I do now I will never find love.

Is this true? What do you guys think? does anyone have a success story of someone finding love even though they are overweight?
"Never find love" ????

Almost all absolutes are absolutely false.

But if you want to have more choices, more opportunities, and a better chance ... ignore the comforting posts in this thread, and get to work losing the weight.

As long as you are being reasonable about the whole issue, it can only do you good.

We generally are what we generally are. (See, I avoided any of those guaranteed-to-be-false absolutes!)

Best of luck.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #10  October 21,2010, 8:07pm
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ISearch4Love wrote :
I can understand someone who is not over weight not wanting to be in a LTR with someone who is. It doesn't mean they hate the person or wouldn't want to be their friend but if they are in good shape their self they may want a partner who is as well. An over weight person can't really criticize them IMO because that would basically mean they thought they deserved to have someone who isn't over weight which would basically mean they didn't want to be with someone over weight either.

I think generally (not always) people who aren't over weight prefer partners who aren't as well. People who are over weight are more likely to accept a partner who is. If you're over weight and want someone who isn't I think that is basically setting a double standard saying it's OK for you to expect someone you date to not be over weight but it's not OK for someone to not date you because you are.

This isn't directed at the poster or anyone specific it's just how I think most people feel. Not everyone will feel this way but I think this is probably the norm.
IS4L,

This is so incomprehensible it's funny!
 
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