Second time around with this girl, what do you think?


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radChad is offline radChad Post #1  October 20,2010, 12:22pm
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So about 9 months ago I asked this girl out (I herd through mutual friends that she liked me so I knew she would accept, plus i really liked her). We went out twice both of us seemed to have a great time. Then we spent a weekend together at a mutual friends house a few hours from where we lived, we seemed to again have a great time together. I figure its is going great, so the following weekend I call her up and ask her out. She says she is really busy with school and work and cant do it that weekend. So I figure no problem, she suggest we go out during the week. So I ask her out during the week and she tells me "actually thats not going to work for me ill call you know when I have time". I knew it right then it was over and it was didn't hear from her for about 3 months.

All of a sudden we start to hang out around each other again (due to mutual friends). Neither of us bring up the past, and we actual start to become good friends. I still have feelings for her even though she sort of dumped me out of the blue, but I am dating other people at the time and i'm focused on that but ever sense she came back into my life I couldn't get her off my mind. We hang out quite a bit throughout the summer, I sort of get the impression that her ex might have been some reasoning behind her not wanting to see me anymore but never really knew for sure.

Well by the end of the summer have become good friends every time I see her I'm welcomed by a by hug and kiss on the cheek she always seems extremely glad when I show up somewhere. One night at the end of a party I we are both a little drunk and we end up making out for quite some time. Next morning I don't really think anything of it because we were both drunk and sometimes that happens. Well next thing I know, the next party we are at one our mutual friends comes up to me and says she just said she is really into you, and i'm like "huh well I have herd that one before!" But I end up going over to her and talking to her. Next thing I know we end up making out/talking for about a solid hour or two, then she ends up staying the night at my house. The next morning was not awkward or anything(like she regretted it) and we ended up hanging out a bit the next day.

So that leads me to the present. I figured maybe I'll try to get her the second time around, so I ask her to come hang with some of my friends and I, she accepts we end up just hanging out alone. Sense that went well, I ask her on a date. She accepts we have a great time. We have now gone on 3 dates and gotten pretty close she has told me things she hasn't told many people as have I. All in all it seems to be going great, but I have 2 concerns.

1. Even though everything goes great when we are together and on dates, we almost never talk on the phone and we occasionally text. She is a very busy girl (school, work, internship) so I figure this might be the reason, or is it? What do you think?

2. Even though things are going great, I still feel like at any minute she will tell me "actually thats not going to work for me ill call you know when I have time". Neither of us have talked about what our intentions are/what we are looking for, I tend to like to just go with the flow when it comes to relationships but I am not sure which way this is flowing. Any advice?
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #2  October 20,2010, 12:38pm
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Sounds to me that you need have a serious conversation with her with those very questions.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  October 20,2010, 12:45pm
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You already have a pattern of on again off again, also, see each other, drink, end up together.

Sounds like she does have an ex or others in the picture, gets together with you, then back to or over to whoever.

It's flowing nowhere because of your go with the flow approach. Running into each other, getting drunk , sleeping together is where it is, because it's what you do.

If you want a relationship, act like it: call, make real dates, and move it in a direction, unless the hanging out thing works for you.



radChad wrote :
So about 9 months ago I asked this girl out
I figure its is going great, so the following weekend I call her up and ask her out.
So I ask her out during the week and she tells me "actually thats not going to work for me ill call you know when I have time". I knew it right then it was over and it was didn't hear from her for about 3 months.
I sort of get the impression that her ex might have been some reasoning behind her not wanting to see me anymore but never really knew for sure.
One night at the end of a party I we are both a little drunk and we end up making out for quite some time. Next morning I don't really think anything of it because we were both drunk and sometimes that happens.
Next thing I know we end up making out/talking for about a solid hour or two, then she ends up staying the night at my house. The next morning was not awkward or anything(like she regretted it) and we ended up hanging out a bit the next day.
We have now gone on 3 dates and gotten pretty close she has told me things she hasn't told many people as have I.
I have 2 concerns.

1. Even though everything goes great when we are together and on dates, we almost never talk on the phone and we occasionally text. She is a very busy girl (school, work, internship) so I figure this might be the reason, or is it? What do you think?

2. Even though things are going great, I still feel like at any minute she will tell me "actually thats not going to work for me ill call you know when I have time". Neither of us have talked about what our intentions are/what we are looking for, I tend to like to just go with the flow when it comes to relationships but I am not sure which way this is flowing. Any advice?
 
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radChad is offline radChad Post #4  October 20,2010, 12:54pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
You already have a pattern of on again off again, also, see each other, drink, end up together.

Sounds like she does have an ex or others in the picture, gets together with you, then back to or over to whoever.

It's flowing nowhere because of your go with the flow approach. Running into each other, getting drunk , sleeping together is where it is, because it's what you do.

If you want a relationship, act like it: call, make real dates, and move it in a direction, unless the hanging out thing works for you.

Yea I do agree with some of what you said. But the last month or so has been real dates and no drinking. Ever sense I have decided to call her up and give her a second go, I haven't had a sip of alcohol while im with her and neither has she. Although it sounds like I should probably make my intentions clear with her.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  October 20,2010, 1:03pm
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Figure out what it is that you want, then go get it. She'll either accept or reject, but at least you won't be just wasting time hanging in mid air.

PS Women in general like men who are assertive. As a guy, if you go with the flow, you will flow right out the door.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  October 20,2010, 3:32pm
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You and her need a sit down and talk about this relationship.

Did you ever ask her why she poofed on you the first time? That is what she did.

If she too busy because of school and exams and had to take a break for a bit that is understandable. But didnt really do that...her line she gave was a line.

Part of this talk needs to be on the exclusivity topic with her so you know she wont poof on you again.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #7  October 21,2010, 5:30am
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I would talk to her if I were you and let her know what your concerns are.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #8  October 23,2010, 8:04pm
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DancingFool wrote :
PS Women in general like men who are assertive. As a guy, if you go with the flow, you will flow right out the door.
I agree, 200%!!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  October 23,2010, 8:59pm

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OP don't put your eggs in one basket. What is so great about this girl that you were willing to pursue her after she poofed on you the first time? She disrespected you before, she will do it again.

Sorry to say, get a bigger spine before she walks all over you...the writing is on the wall on this.
Last edited by PY_2; October 23,2010 at 8:59pm. Reason: on the other hand you got some make out session and sex, so you're ahead of most guys already. Not all is lost.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 24,2010, 5:20am
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When a girl dumps me I take that as the END and don't pursue anything further with her.

However since your question was how to proceed with this girl the second time around I agree with the others who said that you need to ask her where she sees this heading. You may find this article helpful, or not:

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/wheres-this-relationship-going.html
 
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