PJG1901 is offline PJG1901 Post #1  October 20,2010, 9:36am
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I'm going on my first date with an eharmony match tonight! I am kind of nervous though. I'm very honest on my profile about who I am, and my pictures match up with what I look like now and whatnot. But I'm worried I'm gonna close up and not know what to say! It's kind of weird going out with someone you've never really met before.

Anybody on here have any past experiences with this? Advice? Re-assurance? I'll post how it went when I get back later.
 
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wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #2  October 20,2010, 9:52am
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I went on my first date with an Eharmony match this February and made all the classic mistakes. I was incredibly nervous at first, I had totally unrealistic expectations about the outcome, I read more into the first meet up than I had any business assuming.

There have been many others since then and I recently started seeing someone that I feel really compatible with, but she certainly wasn't the first person I went out with on the site. My advice would be to do everything you can to relax and have fun. Do not assume anything or set any expectations going into your date tonight. Just try and see if this is someone whose company you enjoy enough to have another date with.

Also, keep communicating with and meeting other matches. It really takes the pressure off if you don't look at any given date as your 'only shot.'

I wish you the best of luck, but most importantly, have fun!
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  October 20,2010, 9:53am
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PJG1901 wrote :
I'm going on my first date with an eharmony match tonight! I am kind of nervous though. I'm very honest on my profile about who I am, and my pictures match up with what I look like now and whatnot. But I'm worried I'm gonna close up and not know what to say! It's kind of weird going out with someone you've never really met before.

Anybody on here have any past experiences with this? Advice? Re-assurance? I'll post how it went when I get back later.
Good luck! I'm supposing this is your first date with someone you met online versus IRL? Honestly I've dated people I met in both venues and besides the issue of sometimes people not looking much like their pictures the dynamic of the dates are really pretty similar. If anything, I sometimes find dating someone I met online easier because I've read their profile and in the case of eHarmony, exchanged questions and emails. Because of this, I usually have plenty of ideas of what to talk about. It doesn't hurt to read over their profile and communication again before the date as it can give you an idea ahead of time of things you might like to ask.

The best advice I can give you is to do what you need to before the date to relax and just enjoy yourself.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  October 20,2010, 10:10am
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Relax

Dont have unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes people dont look like they do in their photos..both in better and worse ways. Dont be so quick to judge a pic profile

I am not sue how much you talked before this date. If it wasnt for tonight but you said it was say for Saturday I would tell you not to communicate with each other so you have stuff to talk about. If you are regularly calling you will not have stuff to talk about just before the date. If there is no conversation then the date is much more likley to fail.

Also dont read too much into interst or not interestd on a first date...you never can tell...each person is shy, reserved, and hesitant.

The goal is to have fun and have a good conversation.

If this goes well then have a second date and try to set that up at the end of this meeting. At the second meeting people will likely be much more relaxed and more like themselves as opposed to being on a job interview.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #5  October 20,2010, 10:10am
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Welllll... Seeing as how I had a first meet just yesterday, I have some fresh input on this one.

The most obvious is to relax, not be nervous (cause she WILL be able to tell) and everything else wheel_on_fire mentions. It's great advice, and I personally was good with all these things, btw.

Where I faltered (I think), was with not knowing when to call it a night. Don't get me wrong, I was having a great time, and she was too (as far as I could tell, that is)... We had gone to a wine bar and we ended up spending 3.5 hours together. BUT looking back at the entire night, it would have ended better if I had cut the meet short by an hour or so.

Bottom line being, if I had done so, I'd be 100% confident that there would be a second date... I wouldn't say I'm THAT sure of it now, though, having spent that extra hour where it felt like things just went downhill.

SO! as far as advice goes, try to end the date on a positive... If you guys don't match or click or whatnot, it'll naturally end fast... but if you do, be on the lookout for a comfortable time to call it a night.
Last edited by Harryoss; October 20,2010 at 10:14am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  October 20,2010, 10:21am
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Print out the profile, read it over to bring up topics...for example : . "so you like hockey, what got you interested in that?"... then let them go on.
PJG1901 wrote :
I'm going on my first date with an eharmony match tonight! I am kind of nervous though. I'm very honest on my profile about who I am, and my pictures match up with what I look like now and whatnot. But I'm worried I'm gonna close up and not know what to say! It's kind of weird going out with someone you've never really met before.

Anybody on here have any past experiences with this? Advice? Re-assurance? I'll post how it went when I get back later.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 20,2010, 10:25am
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Harryoss wrote :
Welllll... Seeing as how I had a first meet just yesterday, I have some fresh input on this one.

The most obvious is to relax, not be nervous (cause she WILL be able to tell) and everything else wheel_on_fire mentions. It's great advice, and I personally was good with all these things, btw.

Where I faltered (I think), was with not knowing when to call it a night. Don't get me wrong, I was having a great time, and she was too (as far as I could tell, that is)... We had gone to a wine bar and we ended up spending 3.5 hours together. BUT looking back at the entire night, it would have ended better if I had cut the meet short by an hour or so.

Bottom line being, if I had done so, I'd be 100% confident that there would be a second date... I wouldn't say I'm THAT sure of it now, though, having spent that extra hour where it felt like things just went downhill.

SO! as far as advice goes, try to end the date on a positive... If you guys don't match or click or whatnot, it'll naturally end fast... but if you do, be on the lookout for a comfortable time to call it a night.
So so so true. When the date is going well, finding the right time to end it before things start to fizzle is very hard......especially ending it and making sure that the person does not see it as lack of interest on your part.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #8  October 20,2010, 10:53am
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Harryoss wrote :
Welllll... Seeing as how I had a first meet just yesterday, I have some fresh input on this one.

The most obvious is to relax, not be nervous (cause she WILL be able to tell) and everything else wheel_on_fire mentions. It's great advice, and I personally was good with all these things, btw.

Where I faltered (I think), was with not knowing when to call it a night. Don't get me wrong, I was having a great time, and she was too (as far as I could tell, that is)... We had gone to a wine bar and we ended up spending 3.5 hours together. BUT looking back at the entire night, it would have ended better if I had cut the meet short by an hour or so.

Bottom line being, if I had done so, I'd be 100% confident that there would be a second date... I wouldn't say I'm THAT sure of it now, though, having spent that extra hour where it felt like things just went downhill.

SO! as far as advice goes, try to end the date on a positive... If you guys don't match or click or whatnot, it'll naturally end fast... but if you do, be on the lookout for a comfortable time to call it a night.

I'm curious. Why do you feel that things went downhill during that last hour?
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #9  October 20,2010, 11:01am
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Harryoss wrote :
Bottom line being, if I had done so, I'd be 100% confident that there would be a second date... I wouldn't say I'm THAT sure of it now, though, having spent that extra hour where it felt like things just went downhill.
I find it's unhelpful to pick apart the "how could things have gone differently" parts of a date. You are looking for the right person, not just someone who will continue to go out with you. When you meet the right person, it will not matter if you say a couple stupid things or let the night linger on too long. It will work out because things are right.
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #10  October 20,2010, 11:06am
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Just be yourself.

You've been assigned a not-so-random person to get to know a little bit better. Nothing more. Come back with at least three things you didn't know about her already.

And it really doesn't matter what she thinks about you. It doesn't. The goal is not to get her to the second date. The goal is to see if she's someone you mutually agree to time more time with. If you like each other-- great! But it's more likely that you won't... then you can say you had a nice time and mark another name off your list of people to check before you find 'the one'.
 
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