Suggested drinks, she comes back with suggesting dinner as a first date/meet


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afriendly is offline afriendly Post #1  October 20,2010, 9:21am
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I've been communicating with this match on another dating site for about three weeks. She replies once a week, usually on Sunday's. This Sunday, I just asked would you like to meet some time for drinks? She replied yesterday, sure, but weekends are best for me. How's next Saturday, the 30th and we meet for dinner? I have not replied yet. Apparently, this weekend she's booked, as I suggested this weekend coming up.

It seems she's interested, cause it did not take her a week to get back to me, however I always thought drinks are better than dinner for a first meet/date. Certainly much cheaper. Dinner in her area ranges from 40 - 80 bucks. Since I will be paying for the dinner, its going to cost a few clams.

What's the best way to handle this?
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  October 20,2010, 9:39am
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You are assuming something you haven't discussed with her (payment). If you don't want dinner, say so. Also, it could be possible she intends to pay for herself or even the whole meal.

Maybe suggest meeting for drinks with an option for dinner after.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  October 20,2010, 9:42am
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Since money is your concern, do a search and pick a couple places that aren't too bucksy. Like a wood-fired pizza place or sports grill.
 
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Shantak is offline Shantak Post #4  October 20,2010, 9:42am
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Maybe suggest meeting for drinks with an option for dinner after.
That's what I would do.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #5  October 20,2010, 9:45am
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Shantak wrote :
That's what I would do.
Yep, me too.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  October 20,2010, 9:58am
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You don't have to go exactly to her area. So pick something in between and a place where you don't mind the price tag. There are a lot of small cafe type places and ethnic type restaurants where dinner will be $10 per person max. Balking at her suggestion won't come off well. She is willing to take a chance on you and you are not so willing with her. It will read as you are barely interested and start you off on the wrong foot.

For those saying tell her to meet for drinks first and then maybe dinner. The message you are sending is - I must appraise you first and decide if you are worthy of dinner - it's insulting and if she is smart, that won't go unnoticed. Again, starting off on the wrong foot.

Also, I would not start discussing who pays with her - that's too tacky for words.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  October 20,2010, 10:03am
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I think the others have given you great advice and second everything they have said. The only thing I'll add is that her suggestion of dinner vs. drinks may suggest that she doesn't prefer drinks on a first date. It is personally my preferred way of meeting someone for the first time, but I know there are others who would prefer not to drink on a first date.

If expense is the big issue here I'd recommend doing what others have suggested and choosing a place that has good atmosphere but isn't overly expensive. I'd never presume that a date would spend $80 on me never having met me before.

That said, if you do try to talk her back to drinks (with the possibility of dinner) or something else like coffee, I'd be careful how you word it. You could unintentionally come across as not that interested in her or like you're going into the date with a negative attitude. (i.e. Trying to keep it short 'just in case' you don't click.) My guess is this is not how you feel but clearly from what people have written on the board it is clear that when it comes to dating, so many of us read way too much into everything.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #8  October 20,2010, 10:05am
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Are you sure she drinks alcohol? I ran into that once, inadverdently put my foot in my mouth with a match who was an alcoholic in recovery for 20 something years. LOL - oops.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  October 20,2010, 10:17am
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"Sat 30th sounds great... made a reservation for us at PizzaHut for 8PM!"

afriendly wrote :
How's next Saturday, the 30th and we meet for dinner?

Dinner in her area ranges from 40 - 80 bucks. Since I will be paying for the dinner, its going to cost a few clams.

What's the best way to handle this?
 
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afriendly is offline afriendly Post #10  October 20,2010, 10:26am
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There area around is pretty ritzy. Figure each meal is 15 a piece and a glass of wine at 10 a piece, plus an appetizer and tip. Not hard to get to 50 +. Most women I've dated have offered to go dutch, however, I only did it twice, and I never saw them again. Consequentially, most of the first dates/meets that had dinner involved also did not end up with a second date. So it seems I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
 
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