High standards versus being judgmental


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grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #1  October 19,2010, 5:40pm
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What constitutes having high standards versus being judgmental when it comes to dating? We seem to toss around the idea of a person rejecting us,as being judgemental, but if we do it, then it is "high standards." What is the litmus test? How do we know if our own high standards are actually judgements?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 19,2010, 5:52pm
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"Standards" are when I look for someone like me.

A partner who brings to the table the same things I do.

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"Judgmental" is when I denigrate someone innapropriately for a matter which is rightly a legitimate personal choice.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #3  October 19,2010, 6:04pm
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I think there's a difference between preferences and judgments.

For example, I may prefer to date men with dark hair but that doesn't mean I think blonde guys are dumb. Okay, maybe that was a bad example.

If I have high standards for dating, that could still just be a preference. I have had terrible luck dating anyone with less than a bachelors degree. Before everyone blasts me, I think there is nothing wrong with someone with no college, little college or a bachelor's degree. But, it hasn't worked for me in dating because it has resulted in this competitive, la-dee-dah thing if something good happens in my career, or sometimes even when I discuss my work. It's stupid, but it's there. So, my point is that I generally date men only with advanced degrees and this could be considered high standards. But, it's really just a preference based on my dating experience and doesn't mean that I think people with fewer years of education are any less intelligent or worthy to date in general.

Like D_Lion eluded to, a judgment is more like an inappropriate conclusion, usually based on too few facts. And in dating, I think there is nothing wrong with having high standards. As long as they're not double-standards.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 19,2010 at 6:12pm.
 
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grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #4  October 19,2010, 6:23pm
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D_Lion wrote :
"Standards" are when I look for someone like me.

A partner who brings to the table the same things I do.

***

"Judgmental" is when I denigrate someone innapropriately for a matter which is rightly a legitimate personal choice.

Okay, I see your point, but to play devils advocate and to keep the post going, isn't there always a little judgment when a person does not meet your standards? For example, if one of your standards is that a person have a high level of hygiene, and your date has a strong foul body odor, which you were repulsed by, would your repulsion be judgement?
 
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RebornInFire is offline RebornInFire Post #5  October 19,2010, 6:24pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
And in dating, I think there is nothing wrong with having high standards. As long as they're not double-standards.
But I like women with hair!!
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  October 19,2010, 6:25pm
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RebornInFire wrote :
But I like women with hair!!
ROFL!!!!!
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #7  October 19,2010, 6:26pm
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grlnxtdr wrote :
Okay, I see your point, but to play devils advocate and to keep the post going, isn't there always a little judgment when a person does not meet your standards? For example, if one of your standards is that a person have a high level of hygiene, and your date has a strong foul body odor, which you were repulsed by, would your repulsion be judgement?
Well, if he was clever, he'd say he has a sensitive nose and the problem lies with him. He is pretty clever...
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 19,2010 at 6:27pm. Reason: Yet, a strong foul body odor would mean that his competition was minimal..
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  October 19,2010, 6:27pm
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grlnxtdr wrote :
Okay, I see your point, but to play devils advocate and to keep the post going, isn't there always a little judgment when a person does not meet your standards? For example, if one of your standards is that a person have a high level of hygiene, and your date has a strong foul body odor, which you were repulsed by, would your repulsion be judgement?

I consider it healthy to seek similar partners.

If I were stinky, and a shower failed to cure this, then for me to dismiss a partner for being stinky would be hypocrisy (which is common on this service but not by me.)

"Judgment" is when I make a negative assumption. Such as, ew, you had sex on a first meeting, you must be "loose" - and then I dismiss them.
 
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grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #9  October 19,2010, 6:40pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I consider it healthy to seek similar partners.

If I were stinky, and a shower failed to cure this, then for me to dismiss a partner for being stinky would be hypocrisy (which is common on this service but not by me.)

"Judgment" is when I make a negative assumption. Such as, ew, you had sex on a first meeting, you must be "loose" - and then I dismiss them.
Okay, I see your point. So you think judgment is when you hold someone else to a standard that you do not hold for yourself.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #10  October 19,2010, 6:46pm
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Random standards are not judgemental. Rating those standards are.
 
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