Dates were great but first sex didn't work that well


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johnf567 is offline johnf567 Post #1  October 18,2010, 10:46am
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I had a few dates with a gorgeous woman. They went really well.

Recently we had the 4th date and we ended up at my place having sex for the first time. We had great foreplay which went for 1.5 hours or so, but when it came to intercourse it was very brief because I ejaculated prematurely. I felt kind of embarrassed but she said it's okay. (And I didn't feel like having sex again that night.)

Next morning we had sex again and I became nervous about it and the same thing happened. We didn't talk about it and still kissed a lot after it, but now I feel bad and almost dread the next time.

I haven't dated that much before, and in long-time relationships this problem didn't come up. I had experienced erectile dysfunction at the start of a relationship once though; I think it's just I get nervous when we don't know each other that well. And once it happens I get all self-conscious and even more nervous about it the next time.

Any advice on what to do about it with this current partner? It might just be fine the next time we do it, or it might become even worse due to a vicious cycle, I have no idea ...
Last edited by johnf567; October 18,2010 at 10:48am.
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #2  October 18,2010, 10:48am
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Avoid foreplay? I don't know, dude. Prozac? She's nervous too, you know.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #3  October 18,2010, 10:52am
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BlueEyedLizzie wrote :
Avoid foreplay? I don't know, dude. Prozac? She's nervous too, you know.
Avoiding foreplay is terrible advice.

I would suggest making sure your partner has climaxed via other means, if possible (manual or oral) so that intercourse is not necessarily the "main dish," but merely one dish out of many. The important thing is to make sure you're satisfying your partner. Premature ejaculation doesn't have to mean she walks away unhappy.

Also, Lizzie is right that your partner is often equally unsure of herself the first few times. So relax. Stressing out about this is just going to make it worse. If it hasn't been a recurring problem with you in the past, then it's probably just a fluke. You need to just take a deep breath and forget about it. You will likely be perfectly fine in the future.
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #4  October 18,2010, 10:56am
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I wasn't necessarily serious about the no foreplay thing, btw.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #5  October 18,2010, 11:00am
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BlueEyedLizzie wrote :
I wasn't necessarily serious about the no foreplay thing, btw.
Yeah, I know, but people might take you seriously, and then where would the poor guy be? (Or, more importantly, the poor woman! )
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  October 18,2010, 11:07am
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My recommendation would be to use pharmaceutical assistance which should help you maintain the full mast for more than one session. After a few outings, start cutting the pills in two and cut down the dosage for a few times, eventually weaning off of it. By then, the nervousness should have passed.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #7  October 18,2010, 11:18am
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Sometimes I wish I had this problem - if anything I'm likely to take too long.

No specific advice other than not talking about it will nuke things faster than talking about it.

Also, I think most people do not expect a lot from their first time with someone new.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  October 18,2010, 11:18am
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maybe you need to workout a bit before running a marathon.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #9  October 18,2010, 11:29am
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I had a "friend" who was in a similar situation many years ago. Go down on her before you have intercourse. If she gets off, it will take the performance pressure off of you.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #10  October 18,2010, 11:37am
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Just keep up other things to please her, don't skimp on the cuddle/full body contact and keep trying! If it hasn't happened before, it could just be a fluke. Remember Carrie and Berger! Just don't break up with her on a post it.
 
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