BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #1  October 18,2010, 7:12am
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I love this article. Totally explains most our internet dating gripes.

What Online Dating Sites Don't Want You to Know - Love + Sex on Shine
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  October 18,2010, 8:41am
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Great article! Unfortunately, it further supports my belief that we expect too much and too many options makes picking impossible...
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #3  October 18,2010, 8:58am
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No, I don't think it's impossible. It's sort of like breaking on ice. If you don't know what you're doing and you get overwelmed it appears to be impossible. But with a little knowledge and control, no problem.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #4  October 18,2010, 9:19am
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Well, I remember about a week ago I responded to a thread on these forums (I believe it was under the "Using eHarmony" section) about whether we're more picky online than in person... in which thread I stated that I do believe it is so.

And this article goes to reinforce my views. It's really quite sad that it is so, and I must say that I also did go through that "being picky" phase for about a week or 2 before realizing that which, according to this article, paid dating sites don't want me to realize.

I am now quite the opposite... much LESS picky online than I would be in person... I intend to explore all options enough to make an informed decision, as opposed to a knee jerk reaction.

I can only hope threads like these will help others reach the same conclusion as mine.

And hell... you don't need a research or an experiment to figure these things out... Just think about the last time you went to the supermarket thinking "I want to buy salt"... so simple and straightforward... and yet when you get there, you go like:

- "Hmmm, do I want Iodized or not"
- "Do I want this brand or that one"
- "Do I want the cheaper one? is it the same as this other one or does the lower price imply lower quality?"

etc, etc, etc... Something that would have taken a total of 5 seconds will have you scratching your head for 5 minutes.

(And this is not even mentioning some of the products that have a FLASHY AWESOME OFFER on them in an attempt to divert your attention from considering other more important qualities in the product, such as the ingredients, etc...)

The bottom line being: More choices don't necessarily make for a better decision or outcome, it just makes for wasted time.
 
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curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #5  October 18,2010, 9:36am
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I saw a talk on TED.com on the Art of Choosing not long ago. I thought it was interesting. Here it is:
Sheena Iyengar on the art of choosing | Video on TED.com
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  October 18,2010, 9:44am
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Interesting Lizzie. Although I wonder if it's not so much "what if I miss out" or being picky as our brains aren't wired right to be decisive when there are too many options. I know I hate picking phone plans etc these days -- too much to wade through. Maybe there's some magic number, like 5, that is optimal for human brains to handle?

So maybe those of us who get fewer matches online are actually in a better position! lol.
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #7  October 18,2010, 9:51am
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That's what I was thinking! Lol. I typically average about 7 new matches a day. That's a manageable number to make a reasonable decision on whether or not to start a conversation. And since a good 75% never respond to an initial contact it's even more manageable.

So unless I'm in the minority, I figure on average people have about 3 to 5 people they're actively engaged in talking to at any given time.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #8  October 18,2010, 9:52am
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Hmm. I feel like I've never had that problem, but maybe it's a case of limited matching (I do live in a fairly rural area). Also, I think it's pretty easy for me to weed out, say, 70-80% of those matches, so I'm not overwhelmed by the remaining 20-30% of the limited dating pool, anyway.

OkCupid is the only site where I've ever felt a true abundance of good matches, and even there, it hasn't been to my detriment at all, so... Maybe it has to do, a little bit, with really knowing what you're looking for?

Or like I said, maybe there just aren't enough compatible guys in my area, one way or another!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  October 18,2010, 10:07am
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Hmmm....interesting thoughts, but not sure they are all that applicable to human interactions. Once you pick a pack of salt, it won't talk back to you or reject you....but a person on the other hand.....

I think that the online dating sites definitely create a shopping/enter your specs for desired mate here mentality. Also, I have no doubt that people with little experience with dating fall prey to the what's around the corner mentality as well. However, people do learn fairly quickly that this type of mentality does not work well and is keeping them single.

We also all know one important fact - that mutual click, that mutual connection with another person is about as rare as rain in the desert and so is actually precious and not something to be tossed aside lightly.

So choices....sure....quality choices...maybe....mutually compatible choices....not so much and that's what makes finding that right person difficult regardless of how many seemingly good matches are being presented to you.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #10  October 18,2010, 10:12am
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DancingFool wrote :
I think that the online dating sites definitely create a shopping/enter your specs for desired mate here mentality. Also, I have no doubt that people with little experience with dating fall prey to the what's around the corner mentality as well. However, people do learn fairly quickly that this type of mentality does not work well and is keeping them single.

We also all know one important fact - that mutual click, that mutual connection with another person is about as rare as rain in the desert and so is actually precious and not something to be tossed aside lightly.

So choices....sure....quality choices...maybe....mutually compatible choices....not so much and that's what makes finding that right person difficult regardless of how many seemingly good matches are being presented to you.
Well said!
Last edited by Special-K; October 18,2010 at 10:24am.
 
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