Why can't we just get along?


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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #1  October 17,2010, 7:13am
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Why is everyone so picky?

There's so many of us out there wanting someone that wants them. That's it. Love each other and all should be good.

But we all throw so many crazy demands and needs in there, that love is lost underneath all the baggage.

How many of you have heard...
'you are too far a drive for me' when it's really not
'you don't have enough time for me' when you're ready to give more
'your family is too involved' when you'd rather spend time with a partner anyway
insert the last issue your date had here.
etc etc

Why can't we just get along and have fun? Why does dating have to be so serious sometimes. We get so concerned about whether people will match us in the long term that we forget to have fun and just enjoy the other person, and let love develop. Life is too short to do otherwise!

I understand you need to have some standards. But so many issues couples have are minuscule when you find a person that will love you back the same way you love them.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 17,2010, 7:24am
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I've said this before..

E-dating is a lot like a slot machine, everyone keeps wanting to pull the lever until the three cherries line up perfectly..

Settling is associated with perfection..

Mulit-dating (extended periods) and keeping your options open have all but killed the courting process.


Looking back I know on a few occasions I have sabotaged myself with this line of thinking..
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 17,2010 at 7:35am.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  October 17,2010, 7:32am

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Mythical wrote :
Why is everyone so picky?

There's so many of us out there wanting someone that wants them. That's it. Love each other and all should be good.

But we all throw so many crazy demands and needs in there, that love is lost underneath all the baggage.

How many of you have heard...
'you are too far a drive for me' when it's really not
'you don't have enough time for me' when you're ready to give more
'your family is too involved' when you'd rather spend time with a partner anyway
insert the last issue your date had here.
etc etc

Why can't we just get along and have fun? Why does dating have to be so serious sometimes. We get so concerned about whether people will match us in the long term that we forget to have fun and just enjoy the other person, and let love develop. Life is too short to do otherwise!

I understand you need to have some standards. But so many issues couples have are minuscule when you find a person that will love you back the same way you love them.
i tend to think when the excuses you gave are given- it's just not meant to be, because if it was, none of that stuff would matter.

for me, personally, love doesn't "develop" if the initial chemistry and connection isn't there. i can tell in the first 5 minutes if that person is someone I could love or not.

i don't know if that makes me appear picky. probably. but i'm practical in that i don't believe in wasting anyone's time.

I also don't know if this answers your question, but there you have it.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  October 17,2010, 7:39am
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I have a different view on this.

Myself - and I think many people - are simply looking for a decently-compatible partner. In fact there are very few such people - especially in light of the fact that online exposes us to a vastly more diverse pool than would have been the case for drawing a mate from our local community, as was the case for our parents' generation and earlier.

In my personal experience, I have usually made attempts with people despite concerns I had that they were not going to make a viable partner; and, I turned out to be right.

So, becoming more exacting has been the result, not the default.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #5  October 17,2010, 7:55am
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1.) Easy excuse

2.) Defense mechanism protecting one's ego

3.) Irrational sense of self-worth

4.) Irrational expectations (looking for a fairy tale)

5.) Some (vastly small %) can demand the best/everything
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  October 17,2010, 8:02am

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Raw_Truth wrote :
1.) Easy excuse

2.) Defense mechanism protecting one's ego

3.) Irrational sense of self-worth

4.) Irrational expectations (looking for a fairy tale)

5.) Some (vastly small %) can demand the best/everything

re bolded:

i agree that some people are like that. but, i think "fairy tale" and "best/everything" is subjective.

I'm not looking for someone elses idea of everything. just mine.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  October 17,2010, 8:02am
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Mythical wrote :
How many of you have heard...
'you are too far a drive for me' when it's really not
...
I understand you need to have some standards. But so many issues couples have are minuscule when you find a person that will love you back the same way you love them.
You know, I don't think you really understand that people have standards. Clearly you don't respect them, or you wouldn't have written this post.

The problem with e-dating is, that the dynamic is backwards, so you have to start with your standards. Think about it. If you met someone in your community, and a relationship developed, and then the other person moved away, perhaps you'd find a way to make it work. But in e-dating, I won't consider any matches beyond (say) 30 miles. I won't try to start and develop a relationship with that obstacle in the way.

Even if I didn't have a distance preference, I will have other preferences - age, education, weight, race, etc. I won't compromise them.

And you have your own preferences. Your own "must haves" and "can't stands". Should I demand that you drop your standards too, if I see you deciding that you don't think we're a good match?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  October 17,2010, 8:23am
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Mythical wrote :
Why is everyone so picky?
But we all throw so many crazy demands and needs in there, that love is lost underneath all the baggage.
I really don't have any demands, crazy or otherwise...and frankly I have never, ever met anyone that did...and if they did, they never told me about them, anyway.
If I have one, it's smoking, don't like it..don't wanna be around it.
I guess that would be a demand, maybe..depending on how you see it.

Most of us have preferences, that can be elevated to deal breakers if someone pushes the upper limit of those preferences, but I don't see those as demands, either.

wrote :
I understand you need to have some standards. But so many issues couples have are minuscule when you find a person that will love you back the same way you love them.
True.
Can't disagree with that.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  October 17,2010, 8:34am

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i think there is two types of people.

using Thinker's smoking example:

some people would say that if they met the person of their dreams and they smoked but were trying to quit and didn't smoke around them they would make an exception.

the other type would say that the person of their dreams wouldn't smoke.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #10  October 17,2010, 8:42am
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It is tough and I’ve had a few experiences that were pleasant but still didn’t go anywhere (mutually agreed to just be friends).

It can be discouraging, but let me ask you something and please answer honestly. What would happen if you found that everything was perfect (or as humanly close to perfect as possible) with your next match. Let’s say that she was attractive and you felt chemistry and she was smart, polite, respectful, physically fit, and emotionally healthy. In fact, let’s say that you couldn’t find a single red flag. Wouldn’t that scare the living daylights out of you?

Honestly, I believe the number ONE reason why (good) people poof or start to find fault and make up excuses is because they just aren’t ready. They THINK they are ready and know that they are tired of being alone, but the reality of knowing “the search is over” and this is the person I’m spending “the rest of my life with” kicks in and kicks their fickle butts! They just can’t deal with it and self-sabotage the relationship. Do you agree?
Last edited by Diana_P; October 17,2010 at 8:45am. Reason: addition
 
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