Confidence versus cockiness in a date


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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  October 16,2010, 9:21pm
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I love confidence in a man, but yesterday I was hit on by a man who was like a male peacock. I was riding my bicycle on the bike path and he rode along and joined me. Anyway, although he was nice there were so many things he said and did that about made me roll my eyeballs. I've also recently been on a few dates where the man brags and brags about his accomplishments, his technical know how, his athleticism, etc. It is a turn off for me when a man goes on and on like this, or is constantly doing things that scream, "Look at me!"

Yesterday when this happened with this man he showed off with his riding capabilities, his technical know how, his accomplishments, his adventures, etc. It's that fine line of telling you vs bragging to you.

Have you all had dates where he/she dominates the conversation by listing how great he/she is?
 
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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #2  October 17,2010, 2:36am
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how rude!

no i havent had a male date that brags a lot or talks too much--my dates have all been polite and interesting and asked me questions throughout. I screened out a number of guys on the phone who cursed, shared overly personal info about themselves or asked it of me or otherwise seemed off center.

Usually men at the gym or on the trail say hi and make a comment or 3 and are polite and its enjoyable to meet them.When i was younger that used to happen to me in bars(i dont really go out at night now) and i used to have to walk away and just start talking to a stranger to escape the monotonous guy.
 
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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #3  October 17,2010, 2:48am
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i thought about it and i have had a couple of guys(not more than that) on the phone assume i was much more interested in them than i was--cockyness--and that made me go from being interested to losing interest and closing them. I actually had one of them call me after i closed and leave a message telling me he was a great catch and i had made a mistake--in those words. We had one okay prior phone call(no dates) and he forgot to call me on the day he said he would--didnt explain and called a week later by that time i had closed him for being irresponsible and i wasnt really into him.

I find it much more attractive when the guy is a little nervous or admits to being scared and is trying to put their best foot forward and earn my love. I like humble and chivalrous.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #4  October 17,2010, 7:22am
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Yeah, I've been on a couple of those dates where the guy spent most of the time bragging about his job, accomplishments, etc. If anything, it screams that he lacks confidence - because if you're confident, you don't need to run around telling people how great you are - it comes through on its own.

If I like them otherwise, I'll usually give them a free pass since first dates can be awkward (i.e. people sometimes end up talking too much or trying too hard) -- but if the bragging continues, then he's not for me.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  October 18,2010, 11:42am
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Yes, but females do it in a different way. I've dated a lot of women lately who straight up from the beginning will tell me what they are and aren't, like "I'm not like other women..." or "I'm not a drama girl", etc. Yet, they tend to be the most drama-full, "confusing women-like" types I date! lol

So I will amend what yer saying a bit to this: the ones you got to watch out for are the ones who sit there, or feel they have to, tell you what they are and aren't (because they tend to be the opposite of what they tell you they are or aren't).

It's probably because... they're actions don't speak for themselves and so they have to convince you of what they are or aren't..... where was the people who are confident, or are desirable ~ they dont' have to tell you how desirable they are.. they know they're actions/personality will speak for themselves.

Richey
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #6  October 18,2010, 12:42pm
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Never had that problem yet.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #7  October 18,2010, 1:36pm
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You mean women DON'T like to hear all about how awesome I am and how much money I make and how bright of a future me and my future wife are going to have?????!!!!!!!

THIS IS VERY UPSETTING!!
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #8  October 18,2010, 2:25pm
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ISearch4Love wrote :
Never had that problem yet.
Yeah, me neither, actually.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  October 18,2010, 2:47pm

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my5cents wrote :

Have you all had dates where he/she dominates the conversation by listing how great he/she is?
No. But I'm sure my dates can tell you a few great things about me!
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #10  October 18,2010, 4:00pm
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my5cents wrote :
I love confidence in a man, but yesterday I was hit on by a man who was like a male peacock. I was riding my bicycle on the bike path and he rode along and joined me. Anyway, although he was nice there were so many things he said and did that about made me roll my eyeballs. I've also recently been on a few dates where the man brags and brags about his accomplishments, his technical know how, his athleticism, etc. It is a turn off for me when a man goes on and on like this, or is constantly doing things that scream, "Look at me!"

Yesterday when this happened with this man he showed off with his riding capabilities, his technical know how, his accomplishments, his adventures, etc. It's that fine line of telling you vs bragging to you.

Have you all had dates where he/she dominates the conversation by listing how great he/she is?
A lot of people feel like they can’t find a mate by just being an ordinary Jane or Joe. They think that the only way they are going to get attention from the opposite sex is if they are some kind of celebrity so they create internal fantasies about their own greatness.

In other cases insecure people overcompensate by being cocky. You know, like the person who is uncomfortable with their body so they plaster it with tattoos and piercings. Bragging is just another way of seeking validation.

It is truly a statement on our collective self image when we have to try SO hard to impress each other. Isn’t love about having someone who accepts you for who you are? Look what happens when EVERYBODY is made to feel like who they are simply isn’t good enough!
 
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