moving to more than just friends advice


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eaglescout1208 is offline eaglescout1208 Post #1  October 16,2010, 7:28pm
eaglescout120…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2010

Irving, TX

Posts: 3

See profile

I have a friend who I was in highschool with. She dated one of my best friends through highschool. she moved away to college and we talked occasionally when she was gone. now that shes back we have been talking and hanging out alot as friends. she is currently "in a relationship" however we talked yesterday and she told him that she didnt think she had strong feelings for him.

I've always liked her and we share so many things in common. how do i go about trying to change this from just friends to seeing if theres an us?
 
  Reply With Quote
LDJ is offline LDJ Post #2  October 16,2010, 7:36pm
LDJ's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2010

Venus, apparently

Posts: 1,524

See profile

Been there done this, you have to have a straight forward talk and tell her you want to pursue a relationship. Its a big risk, could cost the friendship, but could win you a great love too. There is no way dropping hints will do it, she will second guess the messages and think she has it worng.
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  October 16,2010, 7:42pm
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

Always a risk-reward situation...

First-off how long was this current relationship of hers? the last thing you want to do is attempt to swoop in after a recent break-up..This could make a difference.. long-term or even short-term she may need a break or just want to be single for a bit.



The next time you are together (not over the phone) bring it up, I would say something like: how do you feel about us going on an offical date?

Then take it from there..


Just an fyi.. don't discuss feelings or how much you have in common.. say nada-nothing.. If she isn't interested in you..anything in this arena with also kill the friendship..
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 16,2010 at 8:34pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  October 16,2010, 8:53pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,635

See profile

Good advice, Trek - keep is simple and clean. Much easier to continue as friends if she isn't feeling the same way.
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  October 16,2010, 10:25pm
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

Ask her but don't go for her like a starving piranha, breaking up with her boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean she's open to offers, she might want to take a bit of time after that.
I sometimes hang out in a chat room and one of the things that has always amused me is how some guys act like sharks tasting blood in the water, break-up=available=get-in-there-now-before-anyone-else-does.

If you're not too intense about it i shouldn't think there's much harm in letting her know you're at least interested.
 
  Reply With Quote
eaglescout1208 is offline eaglescout1208 Post #6  October 17,2010, 4:17am
eaglescout120…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2010

Irving, TX

Posts: 3

See profile

thanks for the advice. this relationship shes in has been only for like 2 months and she wasnt for sure if it was a relationship for the first month or so.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  October 17,2010, 5:54am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

TrekRyder10 wrote :
The next time you are together (not over the phone) bring it up, I would say something like: how do you feel about us going on an offical date?

This is good advice. Well said.

To the OP, I think you should be concerned about someone who would leave a current relationship for another one (odds are they will do the same thing to you.)
 
  Reply With Quote
curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #8  October 17,2010, 6:28am
curiousgirl12…'s Avatar

had a good golfing day. Golfing could be fun, who knew..

Enthusiast

Joined: Sep 2010

Canada

Posts: 663

See profile

Eaglescout, you sound like someone I know..

I agree with the others on asking her out on a date or letting her know in some way. I've had a few relationships that started initially as friendships, so it's definitely possible. One thing for sure, you'd never know until you take the chance. Good luck!
Last edited by curiousgirl123; October 17,2010 at 7:36am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  October 17,2010, 6:50am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
This is good advice. Well said.

To the OP, I think you should be concerned about someone who would leave a current relationship for another one (odds are they will do the same thing to you.)
This is a good observation. However, the OP did say that she has told him that she has told the guy she is seeing currently that she does not have "strong feelings" for. The relationship has only been going on for 2 months and so they may not even be exclusive yet. I would be much more inclined to agree if the relationship had been going on for much longer, but at 2 months you are still very much in the early "getting to know you" stage.

Another way that you (D_Lion) could look at this is that she is not feeling strongly about the guy she is currently dating but continues to go out with him (to put it in your vernacular, she is interested in getting a free meal).
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Does your "stage" in life matter? should it? | Dating | Saturday Night Roll Call »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Welcome and Tips for eHarmony Advice Newbies! eHA_Admin_Lori Talk to your Community Team 10 February 9,2012 12:07pm
Friends for three years, brokeup after an "unofficial" relationship for six weeks, best friends still possible? italianstalion Ask a Dating Expert 18 July 30,2011 5:12pm
Friends to you but enemies to your love life? eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 27 August 11,2010 10:05pm
Need advice on boyfriend, friends and money LadyJae99 Relationships 22 August 12,2009 10:09pm
more about friends on eHarmony advice pussinboots Using eHarmony 1 July 11,2009 6:01am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:54am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0