sthngrl1010 is offline sthngrl1010 Post #1  October 16,2010, 8:50am
sthngrl1010's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 4

See profile

This guy and I had dated, were intimate, but never officially in a relationship, so I thought this would be the best place to post. We were great friends, but more. We talked everyday on the phone, sent tons of emails, and knew a lot about each other. We were also intimate. I lost my virginity to him and he was tender towards me. We no longer live in the same city, but for the last 6 months have been meeting up and still continued to see each other about once a month. We've had our falling outs and to be completely honest, he didn't treat me the way I deserve. He would often use me, borrow money, and comment about my weight, but I was so lonely I overlooked it. Recently, my birthday came and he forgot it until someone reminded him, but I knew he forgot and was hurt.I was also hurt b/c he didn't send me a card, sweet email, nothing. I told him he had hurt me and his reponse was he was no longer going to talk to me. He has said this a few times, but never followed through. He'd always call or text me a few days or weeks later, and then I'd talk him into going back to normal between us. He would always say I'm too much drama, but I felt like he would do things to purposly get a reaction from me. I've never been the type to have drama in my life, until he came around. This time he said he is really done, and while I can see the good in it, I miss him. I wish he would call me or contact me and be sorry for hurting me. I fear that I'll really never hear from him again, and I'm not quite sure what I will do. I thought we'd always be in each others lives. Any thoughts? Do you think it's for real over? I know we had our rough spots, but at the end of the day, we were there for each other.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 16,2010, 9:54am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

I don't know whether he'll come back again. I guess he has before, right? But you know you could find a different man where you could "be there for each other" and who wasn't mean to you.

This sounds toxic: with all that time and contact and intimacy, you were never in an "official" relationship? What does that mean? He used you, borrowed money, commented on your weight, forgot your birthday, and when you told him that it hurt you he says "I won't talk to you anymore"? What kind of response is that?

It hurts to let something end, but if you don't, this is what your life will be: pain and insecurity. If you let it go, you will be free to find someone where you can be happy and secure -- a much better life.
 
  Reply With Quote
pamcam is offline pamcam Post #3  October 16,2010, 10:05am
pamcam's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

El Paso, Texas

Posts: 641

See profile

The utlitmate betrayal is self-betrayal. People come in and out of our lives; both w/ the purpose of teaching us something about ourselves and changes we need to make. I agree that you deserve a thoughtful, present, considerate, caring, nurturing, honest, genuine partner.

He's not it.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  October 16,2010, 10:19am
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,639

See profile

He has been trying to end it but you keep hanging on to him....he may like you as a person but for whatever reason he is not interested in you for a relationship.

Stop talking to him and move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
roarimaraptor is offline roarimaraptor Post #5  October 16,2010, 10:35am
roarimaraptor's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2007

Illinois

Posts: 127

See profile

ami1uwant wrote :
Stop talking to him and move on.
Double agree. You can't say you're there for each other in the same paragraph as you're saying that he forgot your birthday and then said he was going to stop talking to you when you expressed that it hurt your feelings. People forget things, but his response when you told him how you felt about it, makes him sound like a selfish d-bag. I say get as far away from him as you can.
 
  Reply With Quote
annother is offline annother Post #6  October 16,2010, 12:06pm
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

I have to agree with the previous advice. This is not a nice person, and he certainly is not the man you want to spend your life with. He has been thoughtless and cruel. Why would you want to continue with him?

The fact that he was your first lover makes it difficult to end it, but I think you have to for your own self-esteem. Find someone who is sorry when they accidentally hurt your feelings.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  October 16,2010, 1:21pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,635

See profile

How old are you? This situation sounds very typically high school/college 'don't know what I want yet' to me. Give this some distance, and I think you will find you were more into the idea if him than the actuality.
 
  Reply With Quote
sthngrl1010 is offline sthngrl1010 Post #8  October 16,2010, 7:28pm
sthngrl1010's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 4

See profile

Thanks for the advice. I do really appreciate it. I'm in my early 20's, and he is in his late 20's. I would have thought he'd be a little more mature. I think he wanted control and almost manipulate in a sense, which is why it will surprising if he really does never contact me again bcause I thought he wanted control. You all are right though, I know it deep down. He is not for me and I need to cut it off and move on. It's just hard, but I'll make it.
 
  Reply With Quote
pamcam is offline pamcam Post #9  October 16,2010, 7:40pm
pamcam's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

El Paso, Texas

Posts: 641

See profile

That's the spirit.
 
  Reply With Quote
LDJ is offline LDJ Post #10  October 16,2010, 7:42pm
LDJ's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2010

Venus, apparently

Posts: 1,524

See profile

Keep reminding yourself that you deserve more and that you won't set the bar that low. Say it every hour, every morning first thing, whatever is needed, soon you too will believe it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Casual dating and kissing | Dating | Mixed signals? Need explanation. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
FIRST BROKEN HEART have no one to tell this story to, hear me out.please. someone? 1234asdf Ask a Dating Expert 6 April 9,2010 7:12am
I am sad and my heart is broken jsgj1 About You 8 January 27,2010 8:38pm
Heart Broken Lonely27 Ask a Dating Expert 4 November 3,2009 11:34am
Broken Heart virgo111 AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 23 November 3,2009 9:58am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:54am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0