afriendly is offline afriendly Post #1  October 15,2010, 4:35pm
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Met this girl on eharmony. We met at a cafe in Newark a few blocks from where I lived. She drove over to my town from Jersey City. Anyway, we were laughing, held hands for a bit and at the end of the night we hugged and she kissed me on the left cheek. Asked if she would like to do something again, she said call me. Called her today after work at 4:00, and left a message. So far, no response. If she wasn't interested, why not just text me as say not interested. Why tell a man to call you when you have no intention of doing anything with him again?
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #2  October 15,2010, 4:40pm
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Give her some time.

For all you know, she may not even have access to her cell phone. Or she's out with friends... who knows.

But, leave the ball in her court. If you don't hear from her by tomorrow afternoon you can either A) let it go... (which is probably smarter) or B) call again.

But after that... you need to let it go or you'll be stalker material.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 15,2010, 4:43pm
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Odds are she just lied to you, but I would let this sit.

If you don't hear from her (planning a meeting) by next Friday, and you're in the mood, send her a message for a meeting that weekend.

Personally, I like to give more than one message before giving up. (Yes, I know that giving up is the right thing, but I do my own thing from time to time.)
 
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afriendly is offline afriendly Post #4  October 15,2010, 4:46pm
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Not going to call or text again.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  October 15,2010, 4:50pm
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I hear you. You're right to cut her out for not replying to your call.

Still, I find myself often not replying right away to a message because the message didn't allow for me to easily know what to say ...
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  October 15,2010, 4:51pm
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It's not been very long so it's definitely possible she'll call back. Especially on a Friday night it's likely I won't call someone back until the next day because I may have plans.

I think in listening to people's responses the key is to listen less to what they say and how they say it. Did she sound excited when she told you to call her or was it more of a nonchalant blow off tone? It's probably not the best thing to say but I will admit I am guilty of doing the same thing because flat out saying that no I am not interested to me feels rude. I also sometimes find myself saying that when I am on the fence about whether I want to see a guy again. Sometimes I find as the week goes on I get excited about seeing them then other times I find the anticipation wanes. It's not always cut and dry.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #7  October 15,2010, 4:58pm
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afriendly wrote :
Not going to call or text again.
Yea, that'll teach her not to call back within o say an hour?
 
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afriendly is offline afriendly Post #8  October 15,2010, 5:03pm
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She was smiling and in a happy tone. I texted at the end of the date last night saying I had a great time. Replied saying the same. If she was not interested, she could had told me then. That is when I've been told before. Or, close the match, which, she did not either. Very disappointing. Not angry or upset, just disappointed. Think how this is.

1) Matched on Monday.
2) Went to immediate email communication
3) One long e-mail back each way
4) Second email asked if she would like to get coffee
5) She replied back said sure. Pick something in Newark.
6) Picked a great indie spot
7) Laughed and smiled the whole time. No silence for 2.5 hours.
8) Good night kiss (cheek) and long hug. It was poring rain, and she beat me to it. Plus, lot of people around, so did not thing it was the right time for a lip to lip.
9) Asked for another date, she immediately said yes and call me.

So, in a matter of three days we got through eharmony and met at a local coffee shop for some coffee and donuts. I can usually know when things go badly or iffy. I did not sense anything bad. Her body language was open with direct eye contact. No crossed legs or arms. Walking very close to me too. Holding my hand from the beginning. Nothing makes any sense.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  October 15,2010, 5:04pm
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boschimsp wrote :
It's not been very long so it's definitely possible she'll call back. Especially on a Friday night it's likely I won't call someone back until the next day because I may have plans.

I think in listening to people's responses the key is to listen less to what they say and how they say it. Did she sound excited when she told you to call her or was it more of a nonchalant blow off tone? It's probably not the best thing to say but I will admit I am guilty of doing the same thing because flat out saying that no I am not interested to me feels rude.

To help you in the future, most men find it more rude to lie than to simply wish them luck, if in fact you are not interested.

Personally, I dispise liars - it really is depressing that I have to keep dealing with dishonest women, and continue to try to figure which statements are truth. It sure does take a low character to say "call me," when intending to ignore a man (or string him along to meal-dig on a slow week.)

Most people don't "have plans" unless they are meeting a date (yes, exceptions occur, but not that often.)

Even a person who "has plans" is usually able to contact the potential romantic partner they are interested in seeing again. Of note, most men will dump friends on a moment's notice to meet a desirable woman.

I suggest noting the uniformity of the male replies.
 
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afriendly is offline afriendly Post #10  October 15,2010, 5:04pm
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livenlearn wrote :
Yea, that'll teach her not to call back within o say an hour?
Five hours.
 
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