self awareness...you'll remain alone without it.


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Trymeout is offline Trymeout Post #1  October 13,2010, 6:35pm
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What you put up with, you end up with.

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ok before i start this thread im not discussing the poofers, the lazy, or the players...im talking about the general.

how easily everyone seems to give up! im not the try and try and try type, im not the give it all you got regardless of how people treat you type.

but reasonably people seem to walk away at the first sign of 100% not perfect...people have kids, people have emotional issues, people have ways of being or not being...ANYONE over the age of 30 does...no one was born yesterday with a clean life or emotional state..i think what anyone really needs is someone who doesnt give up on them..

people need patience and the time to know as well that u can trust them through time and actions and disclosure...is that really so hard to ask for?

but seems like instead of scratching the surface even the people who think they want depth walk away at the surface....

dont say you want depth when you have no patience to wait for it....and instead of blaming others because your alone maybe look at yourself for what you dont offer.

never expect what you dont have to offer. and please be aware of what exactly you have to offer..many think they have something to offer of which they dont see they have none of. Be fully self aware until your aware of your strenghts and weaknesses, improvement points and positives you'll never really see the full picture.

if you dont want to see - the world doesnt suddenly become blind and not see either. if you dont want to know - the world doesnt suddenly become stupid and not know either. in the end your only fooling yourself and that really gets you no where.

just at a point im really sick of the non self aware....who complain of people who dont hold some trait they dont see they dont even have themselves....but in some way have convinced themselves they do.

i know im great in some ways i know i suck in some ways and the areas i suck in i dont tell people they suck in i say you know what i have that issue also wish i could get past it working on it.

self awareness....a dying trait.
 
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ForwardUntoDawn is offline ForwardUntoDawn Post #2  October 13,2010, 9:29pm
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lack of self awareness and self limiting behavior or the annoying norm of the day. Ridiculous red flags, this guy is nice so he must be hiding something mentality, to the person used bad grammar so he must be a ax murder idea. I even think I saw a comment about math skills once(seriously I kind of wish a date would hand me a math test, I would die of laughter) . Truth be told look hard enough at anything and you will find faults, I am not sure why people forget that
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #3  October 14,2010, 1:22pm
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Good point.

We all want the world on credit.

I understand what you are saying about needing someone who isn’t willing to give up easily, but after you’ve been burned for the oomph umteenth time even things that aren’t really red flags become so.

So many of us are now at the state where we just can’t deal with someone who winds up being another user or another disappointment. We MUST look out for our own interests because our past experiences have taught us that’s exactly what the other person is doing.

Bottom line: most of us are angry, hurt, and just don’t have faith anymore. We used to get by on the belief that “this next one is going to work out,” but now we count the seconds until they show their fangs.

I know all of that is self defeating, but people tend to swing from optimism directly to pessimism instead of keeping a balance somewhere in the middle.

Maybe when you get at that point the best thing to do is to just take a break from dating for a while?
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #4  October 14,2010, 2:02pm
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wrote :
i think what anyone really needs is someone who doesnt give up on them..
Ever see the movie 'Serendipity' starring John Cussack and Kate Beckensale?

It's a cool movie if you haven't seen it. They meet randomly and just click on so many levels. Both of them drop their lives, risk everything to try and reconnect.

If John had come here to the forums and asked the question ... 'I'm getting married, but I still think about this awesome girl (Kate's character) I met a few years ago, but she didn't give me her phone number. Said leave it up to fate' Everyone here would tell him to forget about the girl he met for two hours... if she really cared she would have given her phone number and just be boring and normal and marry the girl you settled for.

And he would have been bored the rest of his life.

He risked everything to try and find Kate's character.

I know it's a movie and it's a made up story. And it was crazy, what he did.

But... that's the fighting for... the romance... that we all want. Sometimes we do have to fight and say 'I'd don't care about that problem, I'll make up for. It will be worth it in the end!!!' Sometimes we have to go against the 'rules' and maybe look silly, take a risk and just let our heart hang out there, faults and all, and hope that the other person sees our passion.

FWIW
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  October 14,2010, 2:23pm
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Mythical wrote :
Ever see the movie 'Serendipity' starring John Cussack and Kate Beckensale?

It's a cool movie if you haven't seen it. They meet randomly and just click on so many levels. Both of them drop their lives, risk everything to try and reconnect.

If John had come here to the forums and asked the question ... 'I'm getting married, but I still think about this awesome girl (Kate's character) I met a few years ago, but she didn't give me her phone number. Said leave it up to fate' Everyone here would tell him to forget about the girl he met for two hours... if she really cared she would have given her phone number and just be boring and normal and marry the girl you settled for.

And he would have been bored the rest of his life.

He risked everything to try and find Kate's character.

I know it's a movie and it's a made up story. And it was crazy, what he did.

But... that's the fighting for... the romance... that we all want. Sometimes we do have to fight and say 'I'd don't care about that problem, I'll make up for. It will be worth it in the end!!!' Sometimes we have to go against the 'rules' and maybe look silly, take a risk and just let our heart hang out there, faults and all, and hope that the other person sees our passion.

FWIW
To me these Hollywood fairy tale romances is the ultimate problem with people. When people buy into this stuff, it leads them to see their current relationship as the known, the boring, the bland and grey, the "settling" and somewhere out there there is some mythical "the One" who is just all excitement and wonder and magic. What the movie will never mention is that once the excitement wears off that new relationship will also become the known, the gray and the boring - bogged down with bills and kids and responsibilities and that's life. These types of movies make people fail to appreciate the good that they have, to quit at the first hardship or disagreement and run off chasing the wind. The difference is that in the fairy tale there is always the happily ever after, while in real life this leads to a person ending up old and alone.
Last edited by DancingFool; October 14,2010 at 2:27pm.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #6  October 14,2010, 3:24pm
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Trymeout wrote :
how easily everyone seems to give up!

Yes, it can seem that way all too often. There are common phrases about our generation's micro-second attention span that I've heard for years. And there are definitely those (of all ages) who can give credence to the phrase.

Trymeout wrote :
...no one was born yesterday with a clean life or emotional state..i think what anyone really needs is someone who doesnt give up on them..

Within reason, of course! *grin* I have to agree that self-awareness and self-knowledge are some pretty potent traits. There's ancient Greek were talking about it, too: “Know Thyself” was inscribed on a pretty important temple. Knowing one's own abilities and limitations, one's habits and failings is powerful knowledge. It can often lead to self-confidence, another good one.

There may well be an element of perfectionism in many people- I see it in myself, and I do try to be realistic despite the occasional desire for just a bit more. Giving up and giving in is quite often the easier path. Listening, compromising, striving for understanding, sometimes doing things one doesn't really like are as much a part of being with someone as sharing the joys and the good times.

Trymeout wrote :
people need patience and the time to know as well that u can trust them through time and actions and disclosure...is that really so hard to ask for?

but seems like instead of scratching the surface even the people who think they want depth walk away at the surface....

Yes, patience and time are an absolute must. Those are what the “LT” in LTR stand for. *grin* Sometimes, it really is hard. Rather like DancinFool says, flawless perfection just doesn't happen all that often. To me, though, the right kind of relationship will be worth some hardship.

There has to be a balance there, and (for me at least) it can be very hard to get it right. On the one hand, I don't want to be walking away at the first sign of hard times... But on the other hand, I won't be sticking around to be anyone's doormat. I'm worth more than that.

Trymeout wrote :
but seems like instead of scratching the surface even the people who think they want depth walk away at the surface....

dont say you want depth when you have no patience to wait for it....and instead of blaming others because your alone maybe look at yourself for what you dont offer.

never expect what you dont have to offer. and please be aware of what exactly you have to offer..many think they have something to offer of which they dont see they have none of.
Trymeout wrote :
The truly hypocritical folk of the world just aren't worth your time. I believe the greater number of people are those who just don't know what they really want, and aren't really aware of this (I think you alluded to this as well).

I'll agree it is highly unwise to expect truthfulness, if one lies, the same as it would be quite dubious to expect devotion when one is not willing to give it. For the major issues, there should be a *general* matchup- things like values, dedication to the relationship, trust, caring, and so on. But there will definitely be times when one person is more into things than the other, too.

I'm not trying to imply any extremes here (nor do I think Try is either), but it can *definitely* help make things easier to know when one isn't holding up his or her end of the bargain as they ought to.

Trymeout wrote :
just at a point im really sick of the non self aware....who complain of people who dont hold some trait they dont see they dont even have themselves....but in some way have convinced themselves they do.

Dealing with this kind of person can be very frustrating... And draining. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior, whether we really want to be or not. Those who try and avoid it will often compound their problems instead of avoiding them as they wish to.

To Diana:

I have to disagree that we all want the world on credit. I tend to get very uncomfortable when I'm offered something I don't believe I've earned, and I am sure there are others like me in this. There are quite a few of us who feel life has dealt us a bad hand, but I understand I can't control anyone else's actions but mine.

None of us should have to deal with even one abuser, usurer, or manipulator. I agree, we must each look out for ourselves. But I do not see it as looking to gain *advantage* over anyone else. That just isn't right.

We should be taking care of ourselves because it is the right thing to do. Self-respect is good for the heart. Being confident in oneself and one's own abilities is a good thing- not overconfident or rude, not a paleness of character such that it cannot stand up for itself (two far extremes, neither of which I see very often at all).

Taking a break from dating when things get this rough is a very good idea. I do this, many times, because I find being social very difficult for me. I get to do the things I like without (as much of) the stress that comes with trying to find that one special lass who will be just right. The rest of the world can wait. *grin*
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #7  October 14,2010, 3:37pm
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Wootz wrote :
To Diana:

Taking a break from dating when things get this rough is a very good idea. I do this, many times, because I find being social very difficult for me. I get to do the things I like without (as much of) the stress that comes with trying to find that one special lass who will be just right. The rest of the world can wait. *grin*
 
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pengin is offline pengin Post #8  October 14,2010, 3:46pm
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Trymeout I see you're from Canada. Well, I'd just like to say that your country is not nice. I tried going there on accident and without a passport and they questioned me, searched my car, and then detained my friend. We were just trying to make a u-turn.

But on your subject, it seems like you really just want to blow off some steam. You know, my cousin tried a dating website before I got on eHarmony. She told me that most guys on dating websites just want to have sex. She told me that I might have more success since I'm a guy looking for a relationship. So far, she was way wrong. I actually got closed by a pregnant woman lol.

Maybe you're just going after the wrong guys. I notice a lot of women put that they are looking for a guy that's one or all of the following: nice, kind, loyal, honest, integrity, and funny. The funny thing is is that I meet all of those qualities (and I try to show it in my profile) but I keep getting closed. By the way, I pulled all of these traits from what women that have closed me in the last month said they wanted.

My point is is that if you're going after a guy that just looking for sex then when he finds some baggage, he's going to leave.

However, if I misread the tone of your thread then just give me a virtual slap and tell me to shut up.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #9  October 14,2010, 3:51pm
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Mythical wrote :
Ever see the movie 'Serendipity' starring John Cussack and Kate Beckensale?



I know it's a movie and it's a made up story. And it was crazy, what he did.

But... that's the fighting for... the romance... that we all want. Sometimes we do have to fight and say 'I'd don't care about that problem, I'll make up for. It will be worth it in the end!!!' Sometimes we have to go against the 'rules' and maybe look silly, take a risk and just let our heart hang out there, faults and all, and hope that the other person sees our passion.

FWIW
That is one of my favorite movies.

Completely unrealistic and ridiculous, but a good story nonetheless.
Last edited by FruitaBu; October 14,2010 at 5:08pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  October 14,2010, 4:29pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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DancingFool wrote :
To me these Hollywood fairy tale romances is the ultimate problem with people. When people buy into this stuff, it leads them to see their current relationship as the known, the boring, the bland and grey, the "settling" and somewhere out there there is some mythical "the One" who is just all excitement and wonder and magic. What the movie will never mention is that once the excitement wears off that new relationship will also become the known, the gray and the boring - bogged down with bills and kids and responsibilities and that's life. These types of movies make people fail to appreciate the good that they have, to quit at the first hardship or disagreement and run off chasing the wind. The difference is that in the fairy tale there is always the happily ever after, while in real life this leads to a person ending up old and alone.
Very well said!
 
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