greendreamer is offline greendreamer Post #1  October 12,2010, 7:35pm
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Hello out there! I need some advice. I am dating a guy who I think is pretty great, and who I am attracted to. We've gone out twice so far, and the last date lasted 7 hours. The only thing is, I have no idea if he is attracted to me at all. Last time there were many opportunities for us to hold hands, or kiss, but he didn't initiate. On my end, I am painfully shy about making the first move, especially since I have been hurt in the past, and have no idea what he is thinking. He mentioned other activities that we can do in the future, so I am pretty certain there will be another date. Any advice? Short of asking him directly (which I think would turn him off), how can I find out if he sees me more as a friend than a girlfriend?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  October 12,2010, 7:39pm
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Its a two way street...you need to show you are interested in him in something more than friends. He is likely unsure of your feelings so he isnt likely to stick his neck out and get rejected by your.

Is it possible he isnt attracted to you...sure...he wanted to go out with you again which is a good sign.

Did he mention getting together again?
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #3  October 12,2010, 7:57pm
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If he continues dating you past the first or second date, that's a pretty good sign that he's into you. He's probably struggling to read your signals, or is just shy himself. Your options: A) try to indicate with open body language that you're interested, B) initiate something yourself (hand-holding, kisses, etc.) or C) tell him (in a playful way) to step things up (you could joke, for instance, "Isn't this the part where you're supposed to kiss me?" If he's at all interested, he should take that as a cue.)

Good luck!
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #4  October 12,2010, 8:01pm
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As someone who also is a bit shy about initiating contact, because I've been burned before, too (but who longs for it!) I'd suggest upping the incidental contact....quick little touches on the back of his hand or arm while you're laughing, bumping your shoulder into his as you're walking, things like that. That should help give the indication that you are open to touch.

If that doesn't do it, Chimmy's advice would probably work, especially if you do it in a playful way!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  October 12,2010, 8:10pm
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greendreamer wrote :
Hello out there! I need some advice. I am dating a guy who I think is pretty great, and who I am attracted to. We've gone out twice so far, and the last date lasted 7 hours. The only thing is, I have no idea if he is attracted to me at all. Last time there were many opportunities for us to hold hands, or kiss, but he didn't initiate. On my end, I am painfully shy about making the first move, especially since I have been hurt in the past, and have no idea what he is thinking. He mentioned other activities that we can do in the future, so I am pretty certain there will be another date. Any advice? Short of asking him directly (which I think would turn him off), how can I find out if he sees me more as a friend than a girlfriend?
you dont say how long you have known each other so i am going to assume that you barely do.

i really wouldnt worry about it, just enjoy his company and let him take the lead. imo you shouldnt really be concerning yourself over this at all. there are lots of ways besides physical contact that a guy can show he is attracted to you. but seriously just enjoy him if you like him. let him worry about the rest of it.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #6  October 12,2010, 8:38pm
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Nanette wrote :
you dont say how long you have known each other so i am going to assume that you barely do.

i really wouldnt worry about it, just enjoy his company and let him take the lead. imo you shouldnt really be concerning yourself over this at all. there are lots of ways besides physical contact that a guy can show he is attracted to you. but seriously just enjoy him if you like him. let him worry about the rest of it.



Why, oh why, should we just let the men worry about it? Why is that fair? I know that some believe that men have to be the initiator, but why? I mean, really, don't they have the same concerns, fears, anxiety, etc. that we do?

I think you can say, some do, some don't. But, you can also say that about women. Some of us do, some of us don't.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #7  October 12,2010, 10:05pm
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I agree. Try holding his hand next time. If he holds it back, he is yours.
 
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greendreamer is offline greendreamer Post #8  October 13,2010, 12:48am
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Thank you for all your kind and helpful suggestions! I will try the holding hands thing. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Wish me luck!
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #9  October 13,2010, 4:53am
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If he's into you... and it sounds like he is...

... there's nothing more cool to me, than the woman showing some physical touch. Just be yourself.



There are women (men too) who just talking with them, they'll grab your hands and talk to you, in a friendly way, just to make a point. probably old school with all the PC and sexual harrassment thinking... but I know my grandmother used to do that. Maybe that's why I love physical touch so much.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 13,2010, 8:30am
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Nanette wrote :
you don't say how long you have known each other so i am going to assume that you barely do.

i really wouldn't worry about it, just enjoy his company and let him take the lead. imo you shouldn't really be concerning yourself over this at all. there are lots of ways besides physical contact that a guy can show he is attracted to you. but seriously just enjoy him if you like him. let him worry about the rest of it.
IMO there is nothing that will turn a relationship off faster than a woman who considers it her role to be completely passive in building the relationship. A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP! It takes two to make it work.
 
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