Does your partner need to make you feel 'special'?


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #1  October 12,2010, 2:40pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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The words of a current popular song go something along the lines of 'I need to feel like I'm the only girl in the world, the only girl you could ever love'.

Are you looking for someone who will make you feel like this....that you are 'the only one'? Do you want or need to feel this way....whether it is literally true or not?

I have a great gf right now.... and while I'm completely committed to her and our relationship I'd hardly say she is 'the only girl in the world' or the only girl I could ever love. There are likely quite a few women out there (though they are probably a pretty small percentage of the population) that I could develop a great relationship with.

So how about you? Do you need to be made to feel that you're 'the only one in the world' or irreplaceable....or is it enough that your partner is willing to commit completely to you?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  October 12,2010, 2:52pm
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I agree with you. I think this view is unrealistic (and holding an unrealistic view is a concern.)

I also think is is an innapropriate sense of oneself to have. I would have no illusion I was this, to my partners.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  October 12,2010, 3:02pm
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I don't think I 'need' this per say..and I more like the term 'feel cared for' or loved...

but there are those wonderful moments that I feel this from the guy I'm dating...and I don't think he is purposefully doing it...it's just a warm fuzzy feeling..hard to describe moments that are just between us..

I have to say I love to spoil someone with my affection though...like, in a crowded room...I like to look over and give them that delicious smile that says...mmm...I get to be with YOU....

So..to me it's just one way of showing you care or express yourself and can come in all different ways...hints, flirts, a smile, hand squeeze, etc...

I think we all have needs and desires and that's the best part about being with someone...is talking and sharing about what makes each person feel cared for..

I don't expect a guy to read my mind and vice versa...and what one person likes...another might not...we tend to give what WE want and not what the other person wants at times...(The 5 Love Languages)...

So..I would ask for something specific if I need it and tell my guy to do the same..

Because why wouldn't I want to do all I can to make him feel like the most handsome, wonderful, amazing, sexy, and caring guy to me?..So it just becomes a natural expression of my feelings for him..

Just like with my friends/family...I want to make them feel better about themselves when I am with him...I at least aspire to that each time


Interesting question Jayjay
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 12,2010 at 3:05pm.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #4  October 12,2010, 3:06pm

blames self-help books

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I don't think the meaning is you are to him the only woman in the world he will love. It is about contentment in the relationship. I can't imagine anyone wants to be in a relationship where he/she is looking for something better or the same model with a different paint job or a newer model.

I would be concerned if I were in a relationship with a guy who made me feel like I was replaceable. Not because I feel I am irreplaceable but because it shows a potential for degrading the partner to control them.

Really as guys would you want to be in a relationship with a woman who made you feel like you could be replaced?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  October 12,2010, 3:22pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Really as guys would you want to be in a relationship with a woman who made you feel like you could be replaced?

Other than this being standard practice, why is it not right to hold and communicate the most current, most correct understanding?
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #6  October 12,2010, 3:30pm
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When someone says they want to feel like the only person in the world to their partner, I usually take it as more of a figure of speech.

I'm realistic in that I know a partner could have other options - in many cases, I know there were women before me and will be women after me (assuming we break up). But that doesn't mean I want to be reminded of that while I'm with someone - I want to feel like they chose me for a reason, and as a result, that makes me feel special.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #7  October 12,2010, 3:30pm
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I'm reading a book for a marketing class right now that's about how women are advertised to. I've never felt so grateful that my mom was a feminist...if I got exposed to this stuff, it was with a lecture about men and women not being as different as everyone likes to pretend, that action is more beneficial and rewarding than dreaming, etc. A bit of a buzz kill, but useful

Anyway, one of the chapters discusses music and a song by Avril Lavigne (post popularity boosting make over) on her "girl power" themed album:
wrote :
"He wouldn't even open the door/he never made me feel like I was special/he wasn't what I'm looking for...We've all got choices, we've all got voices." Girl power - the power to pick the right guy. And the right guy is someone who makes you feel special!
Dedication/faithfulness is important, but I don't place much value in feeling "special" (what does that really mean anyway?). I translate special as something intangible - like the concept of "the one." (I don't believe in "the one" either...) It's a vague, romantic definition that's supposed to translate into something concrete when "you just know."

So, no, I don't need to feel I'm special but I agree with the original post that there are probably very few people I could be compatible with (i.e. we'd still enjoy each other after a long period of time). The relationships I admire are generally a little more pragmatic than romantic...they chose each other based on a lot more than the tinglies and I can see them being content (as Jo states) for a long time.
Last edited by lunabeach; October 12,2010 at 3:43pm. Reason: words that are plural have s's at the end
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  October 12,2010, 3:42pm

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I will chime in later...but for now, I immediately thought of Special-K when I saw this thread
Last edited by PY_2; October 12,2010 at 3:42pm. Reason: member of this board..not the cereal.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  October 12,2010, 3:43pm
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lunabeach wrote :
I'm reading a book for a marketing class right now that's about how women are advertised to.

Anyway, one of the chapters discusses music and a song by Avril Lavigne (post popularity boosting make over) on her "girl power" themed album:

wrote :
"He wouldn't even open the door/he never made me feel like I was special/he wasn't what I'm looking for...We've all got choices, we've all got voices." Girl power - the power to pick the right guy. And the right guy is someone who makes you feel special!

I wonder what the intent of the lesson was, when the source material is about how "being made to feel special" depends on having things done for her?

Problem one, is "being made to" means inability to acheive for oneself.

Problem two, is the valuation of what a woman gets from a man, instead of who she is or what she accomplishes.

She doesn't have a voice, really.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #10  October 12,2010, 4:48pm
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D, the book is fascinating - I don't agree with how biased some of the material is, so I won't be able to use it for my research paper BUT it's given me a lot of insight into women (yes, being one I should maybe be more familiar, but I'm not - there's a girl world that I occasionally visit, but I don't know the language or customs).

If you're curious, the book answers your question (the intent is to appeal to teens but not challenge any norms: voice and choice is a very popular metaphor, esp. b/c it has reproductive connotations, and in this song gives a sense of empowerment without really being controversial or encouraging anything but conforming - the benefit being that they do it decisively I suppose? It has maximized appeal b/c it sounds like girl power but doesn't support anything but what we're told good girls prefer)and many more...it's called Packaging Girlhood. It's written for parents who are trying to educate their kids about how deep marketing goes...but like I said, it's given me a new understanding of girl world.
Last edited by lunabeach; October 12,2010 at 4:51pm.
 
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