TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #1  October 12,2010, 1:59pm
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So I just had an interesting 5 min.conversation with a woman who poofed on me this weekend...

We had scheduled a first meet for yesterday..it was to be had at her place of choosing.
the short story:
I had gone through GC questions, all of that, etc.. and when we finally got the chance to talk on the phone, things went well, she seemed upbeat, interested in meeting etc..
She even knew someone that I knew who lived in her apartment complex and thier respective sons, were also friends.

So I asked what time on Monday she wanted to meet..she asked if I could call her this weekend(she had something planned all day on Saturday)so I called her Sunday to try and firm up a time.

She didn't pick up, so I left a voice mail.
I also wrote in EH email that I had left a voice mail on her phone...didn't hear back anything, all day Sunday..

No big deal, really as I had gone out with a nice woman on Saturday night as well as another nice woman last night..so if she got back to me fine, if not, no big deal.

I then sent another EH email last night after I got home, saying "hey? you ok? just checking"...

So, I got home a little while ago, the phone rings..it's her.

She goes on to explain to me(without a word anywhere, such as "sorry" "apologize"...or the like) that she "saw that I had written her on EH email, but because she was at work(of which she is the business owner) she hadn't read it, but wanted to call me..."

Ok, I'll bite...

She proceeds to tell me how her 22 year old son wanted to get together yesterday, and "oh it was lovely time they had" and "oh, you know, you don't get these opportunities enough, and so you really have to grab them"..etc...etc...
(and now I'm thinking" yes...and what does this have to do with me, pray tell?"..)

She then asked me, did you get the chance to go out and enjoy this beautiful weekend weather?..."oh yes, I did!"...I exclaimed
"it was beautiful"....
"Oh good..." she says..
"any other reason you called?(let's call her Jane)Jane??
'"well, I uh.."

"yes?" I said...
"I was wondering if you would like to maybe get a cup of coffee tomorrow?"

"Hmmm"..I said.." Jane...can I ask you a question....why didn't you return my call or my email, as I know you received both, right?"
"well..I um, I just got so busy and well, you know I spent time with my son and..uh.."
"yes?" I said, .."so you did not have the courtesy to get back to me after all of this?...Jane, Let me tell you where I'm at.."

So I went on to explain to her that I'm on EH for a reason and that I need to know that your on for the same reason, because you are serious about this..and that part of being serious is keeping your word.
so I said, "Jane..why didn't you keep your word with me?"

And then, she said it..almost automatically, after she had no other option...it just came out, like in a therapist's visit...

"well, I guess I'm, uh...not really ready to get back into dating, maybe.."


and then I said:
"Welp, I am Jane. So this is obviously not going to work..do you understand that?
I'm not on here to drink coffee and be pen pals, or to have someone plan something, then disappear..I'm here because I want to be, to try and find someone who wants those same things that I do.."..

I said, "You can keep doing what you are doing, but I have to keep doing..what I do."

I also suggested that she take her profile off of EH, as she was doing other potential guys a disservice by being less than truthful with any of them..
She knew I wasn't going to meet her at that point, and so she said
"Ok, well, um.. I guess I"ll say good bye then..."
I said, "Jane...thanks for calling...really, and you have a great week, and you take care, OK?
"Ok." she said. sort of sheepishly...
and that was that.

It was funny, and interesting.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 12,2010 at 2:13pm.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #2  October 12,2010, 2:07pm
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Well at least you found that out early on and before meeting. I had the unpleasantness of finding this out after foolishly being intimate with the guy (yes I know it was stupid). Anyway he canceled two of our upcoming dates because things kept coming up. The he said we would hang out on the following Monday night and he would call me when he got off work. Well I got all ready and thought "he wouldn't cancel after making me wait all day would he?" But it was worse.

"I am not emotionally available". He even claimed he was going to take down his profile to spare other girls. Let me tell you, his profile is still up and active two months later.

So at least you found out before it got messy.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #3  October 12,2010, 2:13pm
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Out of curiosity, was there anything in her profile or questions or responses that gave you an inkling she wasn't ready to date?

I was expecting her answer to be somewhere along the lines of she just flaked, not that she would admit she wasn't ready.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  October 12,2010, 2:21pm
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charmed59 wrote :
Out of curiosity, was there anything in her profile or questions or responses that gave you an inkling she wasn't ready to date?

I was expecting her answer to be somewhere along the lines of she just flaked, not that she would admit she wasn't ready.
Nope.

And that is why you believe what they show you, not tell you.
And really, I gave her no other option, ..she had no reasonable explanation...she simply had to spill it. It just came out.
and this was extremely interesting because:..she actually owns a psychotherapy practice.

Truth is indeed, stranger than fiction.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  October 12,2010, 2:26pm

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Phew, that was definitely straight forward of you to give her a piece of your mind...I admit I would've just said "No I can't go out to have coffee...I have an allergic reaction"

(I just don't say the allergic reaction is to her )
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  October 12,2010, 2:48pm
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Wow thinker..I respect your honesty...although quite blunt in a few spots to her that's for sure...

I have to say that I was that way a few years ago...truly thinking that I was ready to start dating...actually went on a few first dates...and then it wasn't until I started 'avoiding' a few things like a quick return phone call, email, etc. and then realized myself that I wasn't ready yet and told the guys...I'm glad that they guys were kind and understanding...

I certainly wasn't doing something on purpose to hurt them...I thought by 'getting out there' it would get better and easier...So...it was after I went on those first few dates that I learned I wasn't ready..

Good luck on the next one
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #7  October 12,2010, 3:03pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Nope.

And that is why you believe what they show you, not tell you.
And really, I gave her no other option, ..she had no reasonable explanation...she simply had to spill it. It just came out.
and this was extremely interesting because:..she actually owns a psychotherapy practice.

Truth is indeed, stranger than fiction.
Yes, yes it is. One of the most dysfunctional relationships I know has is between a psychotherapist and her spouse.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  October 12,2010, 3:34pm
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Ingytravel wrote :

I certainly wasn't doing something on purpose to hurt them...I thought by 'getting out there' it would get better and easier...So...it was after I went on those first few dates that I learned I wasn't ready..
She may not have, either. But the deal is, with me anyway...you can't just ignore what you did without recognizing it.
I believe when she picked up the phone she honestly thought I would say "oh, no problem."
Nope. That ain't me...it gets put on the table until we deal with it.
then it's over, and I don't mention it again.
However, this had no where to go, other than the inevitable truth that came out, which was that she wasn't ready to date anyone, really.

wrote :
Good luck on the next one
thanks.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  October 12,2010, 3:40pm
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I totally understand that you did what was right for you and I would much rather have honesty any day of the week over someone who holds feelings in.....I think you probably helped her...although if you did like her...you can certainly put a 'dog ear' on her name/number for down the road...LOL...
 
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brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #10  October 12,2010, 3:42pm
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I think I love you.
 
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