How long should I wait before following up? Grad students here


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
IronBrig4 is offline IronBrig4 Post #1  October 11,2010, 10:03am
IronBrig4's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 43

See profile

I'm very new to online dating, and dating in general. Anyways, I made it all the way through the guided communication stages with this one girl (she initiated it). We started e-mailing each other outside of eHarmony over the weekend. We were really hitting it off and found out we had a lot in common.

I am wondering, however. She and I are both grad students so we're usually busy with schoolwork. Let's say I send an e-mail and she doesn't respond. How long should I wait before sending another one? I would want her to know I still would like to keep up the correspondence, but wouldn't want to come across as clingy.

And before you say it, this hasn't happened yet. It's been less than 24 hours since our last communication so I'm not worried. I am simply just wondering because I know how busy a grad student's life can be. We have to read several books a week and work on papers on top of everything else.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 11,2010, 10:13am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

Hi IronBrig4 -- welcome to EHA!

If I sent an email and got no response after 3-4 days I'd send a 2nd that just said "did you get my email?"

I have found that I start losing interest after some amount of time lapse. When that happens, then it's just moot -- I don't care anymore whether they answer.

I don't think there's a specific rule about these things -- do what seems right to you. If that leads to a disconnect, then probably you're not good matches for each other.
 
  Reply With Quote
RutgersJD is offline RutgersJD Post #3  October 11,2010, 10:16am
RutgersJD's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 2

See profile

Unless you are going to email her a second time and ask for a real date I say DON't follow up. If she wants to respond, she will. If you send another one then you are going to come off as naggy, needy, and impatient... 3 things that a grad student DOESN't need in her life. Go, read your books, communicate with other matches and live your life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mythical is offline Mythical Post #4  October 11,2010, 10:22am
Mythical's Avatar

wonders abound

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 209

See profile

When I get to email... I tend to think of it as a tennis match. I email, she emails, back and forth. Once I email, I leave it in their court. Sometimes it takes a few days to respond... Sometimes there are so many questions, it takes me a few days to respond.

Having said that, most people here will say that once you are to OC, you need to set up and meet and greet as soon as possible. Otherwise you end up becoming emailing buddies and nothing more.
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  October 11,2010, 10:38am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

Mythical wrote :
Having said that, most people here will say that once you are to OC, you need to set up and meet and greet as soon as possible. Otherwise you end up becoming emailing buddies and nothing more.
and in this case I can see that's where is could be heading....pen-pals


OP

Even grad students need a break from their studies, set up a phone call, work out a time and place to meet, if you hit it off, you can go back to the emailing until the next date.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  October 11,2010, 10:46am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

I'm very busy is a polite brush off. We are never too busy for someone who truly interests us.

Don't e-mail her and don't do the whole grad student busy non-sense. Nobody studies 24/7 without a break. Ask for her number - call her - take her out to lunch, coffee, dinner, whatever. Meet in person and see how it goes. Figure out communication from there assuming you still like each other after meeting in real life.
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #7  October 11,2010, 11:23am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
I'm very busy is a polite brush off. We are never too busy for someone who truly interests us.

Don't e-mail her and don't do the whole grad student busy non-sense. Nobody studies 24/7 without a break. Ask for her number - call her - take her out to lunch, coffee, dinner, whatever. Meet in person and see how it goes. Figure out communication from there assuming you still like each other after meeting in real life.
what do you think DF, should he take her ice-skating
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  October 11,2010, 11:36am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

TrekRyder10 wrote :
what do you think DF, should he take her ice-skating
Yes!!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
IronBrig4 is offline IronBrig4 Post #9  October 11,2010, 11:44am
IronBrig4's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 43

See profile

TrekRyder10 wrote :
what do you think DF, should he take her ice-skating
We live in the middle of nowhere, Texas, so ice skating is kinda out of the question. About all there is to do around here is tip cows over and throw stuff off the bridge.

Okay, I think I'll ask for her number on Wednesday or the next time she e-mails me, whichever comes first. Should I give her my number at the same time?
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #10  October 11,2010, 11:51am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

IronBrig4 wrote :
We live in the middle of nowhere, Texas, so ice skating is kinda out of the question. About all there is to do around here is tip cows over and throw stuff off the bridge.
Well then, you could earn some brownie points if you figured out a way to take her and a cow ice-skating
I don't recommend trying to throw a cow of a bridge though!

wrote :
Okay, I think I'll ask for her number on Wednesday or the next time she e-mails me, whichever comes first. Should I give her my number at the same time?
Yup..after she gives it up, send your digits, that way she'll know who is calling and won't screen her calls..
Here is my number so you know who is calling.. talk to you soon
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 11,2010 at 12:58pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Dating someone with a past | Dating | The eHarmony First Date Checklist »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How long should you make a guy wait and does a title matter? Ahava1979 Relationships 38 November 24,2010 9:55am
H long do you wait for someone to respond to GC? SoilderLover Using eHarmony 37 October 21,2010 8:14pm
How long should I wait for a girl? mrsolo Ask a Dating Expert 13 September 30,2010 7:02am
How long should you wait for a response? Gigolz Using eHarmony 19 June 30,2010 6:12pm
I am not feeling it how long to wait Italo2275 Dating 24 May 15,2010 1:57pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:40am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0