Waiting game. advice?


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fireflynaps is offline fireflynaps Post #1  October 10,2010, 10:57pm
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Hi all,
Back to eharmony after a brief hiatus- I'd given up on EH and actually met someone on Match, we dated for 2 months, I broke it off a while ago.
I'd given up on EH because most of my matches end up being from out of state. I have a 2 year old daughter, and I cannot move, but maybe there is a chance my match can relocate.

The Rub: Whoever my match is needs to be ok with the fact that I have a 2 year old daughter, and is open to having a family with me as well. Seems rare. (I'm almost 37, most men interested are older, don't want kids or already have 2-3, not open to more.)
I've had a few bad experiences dating someone without children, but open to it.

I rarely am attracted to, or find much in common with my matches here, HOWEVER. That changed this morning. I logged on to see my 2 matches, (not excited!) and was floored... by one of them. Gorgeous. Seems great (on paper?) has a young boy, (and wants more) and we seem to have the important things in common.
This is the first match I actually am super interested in.

The best part is he did send me the first questions right away, which I responded to. However that was a few days ago and no response yet. (I sent him my first questions).

Bigger Rub: He lives in ALASKA. I am in MN. Ugh.
Question: should I not wait for him to respond and email him? Or just wait for him to respond? Part of me wants to send him an email saying, "Hey, I know you're a zillion miles away, but...?

Any advice?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  October 11,2010, 12:01am
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I remember you!

A few days is not a lot of time. Especially if he had his son or commitments over the weekend, he may not have even read your answers or first questions to him yet.

Why don't you give him a few more days and see if an answer is forthcoming? If it is not, you could always then move to the email option and see if he is interested.
 
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fireflynaps is offline fireflynaps Post #3  October 11,2010, 12:27am
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@meri75...

Hahaa.. I do sound overzealous, don't I.

 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #4  October 11,2010, 12:33am
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You are rarely attracted, they must be willing to relocate, they must be open to more family.

With these rigid criteria and fairytale needs of yours, you will be too old to have kids by the time someone is flexible and perfect enough for you.

fireflynaps wrote :
Hi all,
I have a 2 year old daughter, and I cannot move, but maybe there is a chance my match can relocate.
The Rub: Whoever my match is needs to be ok with the fact that I have a 2 year old daughter, and is open to having a family Why?? with me as well. Seems rare. (I'm almost 37, most men interested are older, don't want kids or already have 2-3, not open to more.)
I've had a few bad experiences dating someone without children, but open to it.
I rarely am attracted to, or find much in common with my matches here
Any advice?
 
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fireflynaps is offline fireflynaps Post #5  October 11,2010, 12:46am
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@wiseman:

Not sure about fairytale needs.. just your average divorced mother of a daughter who has a very involved father, so the best thing for my daughter is to not mover her away from her father.

& maybe I should clarify.. when I said I'd like someone to be open to having a family with me- that can either mean just accepting my daughter as their own, or the possibility of having another child.
I don't think that's too much to ask.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #6  October 11,2010, 1:54am
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I am guilty of this too . . . not having thick enough skin for people who make assumptions about your situation. lol
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  October 11,2010, 2:37am
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No, what you state below is not. You are tied ti your location because of your divorce and joint custody, so you need to find someone local.
Expecting someone to relocate for you was the unrealistic part. Someone will accept that you have a daughter, but... she has a father, and if that man will has his own children, they will come first.

At your age and above, many men do not want to start the whole new family again. They already have theirs.Just blended families are enough.

So in summary:

You need to stay put, find someone local. Don't expect them to relocate for your situation and uproot their family, work and everything for you.

If they have to be open to having another kid with you, that is additional pressure, if you let this go it would be easier.

They will not be replacements for your ex or finish all your expectations that you had with him. They will have their own lives, exs, kids etc. and can't adapt 100% to only your needs, wants and situation.


fireflynaps wrote :
@wiseman:

Not sure about fairytale needs.. just your average divorced mother of a daughter who has a very involved father, so the best thing for my daughter is to not mover her away from her father.

& maybe I should clarify.. when I said I'd like someone to be open to having a family with me- that can either mean just accepting my daughter as their own, or the possibility of having another child.
I don't think that's too much to ask.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #8  October 11,2010, 2:53am
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Hmm. . . need thicker skin.
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #9  October 11,2010, 4:06am
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Give him a few days.

Remember that a profile is only that. As great as some of them look, they aren't real people. You haven't met the real guy yet. Nudge him when eHarmony lets' you... seven days out... and then leave it. If he's not interested enough to bother with GC then he's not ready for you.


I totally understand your dilemma. I'm 45 and my youngest is 4. Most women my age are empty nesters, sending the kids off the college, etc. Last thing they want is to deal with a toddler, etc. Thankfully, I'm mobile, for now.

It may seem like a needle in a haystack, because in a way it is. But there are guys out there who are open to your situation. It's supposed to be about two people falling in love and being best friends for life, and the kids are part of the package deal who are accepted with open arms. But most people only want love if it fits into their parameters.

The right someone is out there... you just have to weed through the riff raff.
 
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fireflynaps is offline fireflynaps Post #10  October 11,2010, 4:56am
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livinagin wrote :
Hmm. . . need thicker skin.
yes, skin getting thicker by the minute.

yikes.
 
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