Dating someone with a past


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
changster is offline changster Post #1  October 10,2010, 4:17pm
changster's Avatar

is back in the dating scene!

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 22

See profile

Hi everyone ...

So a quick question. What are your thoughts on dating someone with a "past"? When do you use the past as a dealbreaker, and when you do look beyond it?

We all have "pasts", some more intense than others. I went on a first date with a girl that went exceedingly well. It's the first time I've dated someone that had a kid (she has a 4 yr old son; she's 33).

Long story short, she got divorced about ~5 yrs ago from a pretty messy and disruptive marriage (had to get a restraining order on the guy!). We got along extremely well .. and she's a professional that also comes from a great family (she gets along well with them).

Is anything from the past ever a dealbreaker, no matter how well the date goes?
 
  Reply With Quote
pamcam is offline pamcam Post #2  October 10,2010, 4:21pm
pamcam's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

El Paso, Texas

Posts: 641

See profile

I wouldn't call that a past; I'd call it life.
 
  Reply With Quote
MicMan is offline MicMan Post #3  October 10,2010, 4:37pm
MicMan's Avatar

is living life to 83% of its normal capacity.

Board Leader - Sports

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 2,959

See profile

Are you looking for a guilt-free excuse to get rid of this woman or are you genuinely concerned about her past?

Her messy divorce is five years behind her and you said that the date went well and you seem to like the fact she's a professional and has an otherwise good family background. I'd judge her on the present unless she gives you reason to otherwise.
 
  Reply With Quote
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  October 10,2010, 4:46pm
scully98's Avatar

like a cowgirl!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 3,063

See profile

So are you asking, seriously, what is too much of a past for people to handle in general, or are you asking about THIS woman and her specific past? Sounds to me like you simply want to know if her past is more than people think you should put up with.

The answer to that is, if you have to ask, then it's too much for you to handle. And she deserves to be with someone who doesn't think her past is too messy for them to handle. Because a divorce and a young child is NOT a messy past. Even with the restraining order. (You'd be surprised at how many divorces result in restraining orders!)

To seriously answer your question, the only kind of a past that would make me not go out with someone again is a history of drug abuse, even if they were clean at that point, or a criminal history.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  October 10,2010, 4:48pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

i'm really shocked that she informed you of all of this on or before a first date. that is all.

this "full disclosure" dating is getting way out of hand
 
  Reply With Quote
LDJ is offline LDJ Post #6  October 10,2010, 4:48pm
LDJ's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2010

Venus, apparently

Posts: 1,524

See profile

A person who has encountered some challenges in life and over come them is a better bet than a person who has not faced any hurdles and learned how to overcome them. Provided she recognizes the issues, and any baggage she may bring to the table and is committed to working her way through this relationship with patience and sincerity, you have a more experienced partner and hopefully will enjoy a healthier and more authenitc relationship with her.
 
  Reply With Quote
lynseylove is offline lynseylove Post #7  October 10,2010, 5:15pm
lynseylove's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

New Orleans, LA

Posts: 4

See profile

Nanette wrote :
i'm really shocked that she informed you of all of this on or before a first date. that is all.

this "full disclosure" dating is getting way out of hand
I disagree. Personally, I'd rather have someone lay it all for me so I know what I'm getting myself into rather than gradually find out things that could potentially jeopardize my relationship with that person.
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  October 10,2010, 5:25pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

I don't look at the person's past, but how he/she is handling their past.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mythical is offline Mythical Post #9  October 10,2010, 5:29pm
Mythical's Avatar

wonders abound

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 209

See profile

Most people ask about my past because it's not usual for a man to have sole custody. So they ask. I try not to go into too much detail, just the basics, but it's much worse than the OP's match.

I would hope people would not judge me on that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #10  October 10,2010, 5:42pm
Getting_There's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 291

See profile

So she had her 4 year child in the year after her divorce (of 5 years ago)? Sounds like she's gone through a lot of trials and tribulation... Based on what you say about her it seems like she's living a stable and successful life now which speaks highly for her personality and character (esp. given all she's had to go through).

I would base my decision based on her present situation and not her past.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Waiting game. advice? | Dating | How long should I wait before following up? Grad students here »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Online dating is not a solution for real-world inadequacies nunayabizness Dating 36 April 25,2011 9:21am
Why are more people single? Can dating be bad? WeDesignOurLives Intelligent Conversation 14 April 5,2010 1:33pm
Becoming more than friends and online dating janettajayne Relationships 18 March 20,2010 4:11pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:39am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0