It’s about attraction and not about looks? Agree or disagree?


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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #1  October 9,2010, 7:23pm
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It is about attraction and not about looks. What does that mean? Well, think about it. Why do you see an average looking guy with a super model girl or vice versa? True, there are some features that most people will agree are appealing to everyone, but attraction is an individual thing and isn’t necessarily a direct function of how good looking someone is or is not. The song about the ugly girlfriend comes to mind. It wasn’t a very good song, but it did make a good point.

Likewise, I’ve seen some very good looking people with truly ugly personalities and their looks could never make up for their other deficiencies.

I have a friend who is extremely non-photogenic. I’m being nice when I say the camera makes her look plain. But, when you see her in person she is stunningly beautiful! Until now I couldn’t explain why guys turn into babbling idiots around her in person, but when I show men her photo they all say she is plain.

I believe that attraction isn’t just caused by how a person’s features are arranged, how they dress, their weight, height, body type, eye color, hair color, complexion, pheromones, etc. Attraction is also a result of how a person carries herself, her confidence, her voice, ambience, aura, energy, attitude, self impression, intellect, experience, and how she sees others and treats people.

Sometimes attraction has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. One-sided relationships exist because attraction is independent of reciprocation. A person can be indifferent or outright unkind and it won’t change the fact that you are attracted to them.

Finding a partner and the whole dating experience in general wouldn’t be anywhere near as painful if we better understood the how’s and the why’s of attraction. Love may be a choice, but attraction is not. Understanding that you have no control over what you find attractive at the very least might help to explain some of our questionable relationship decisions, ha ha! We all have a grocery list of things we want, but how often is what we end up with the exact opposite, LOL!

I appreciate the value of knowing your limitations, but if you don’t consider yourself very attractive odds are no one else will either. You don’t have to change what you look like to make yourself more attractive - - all you have to change is your attitude. Success is all about attraction and not about looks. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the people you find most attractive are the ones that find you truly interesting? Maybe the key to being more attractive is taking a genuine interest in people?

What are your thoughts on this?
 
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wavestarved is offline wavestarved Post #2  October 9,2010, 9:19pm
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I've always found that people start at a kind of baseline physical attractiveness. As you get to know them and their personality, they actually become more or less physically attractive. Like someone can be kinda plain at first, then you talk to her and suddenly she actually looks hotter, (and, unfortunately, vice versa). It's one reason why I try not to judge too harsh on the photos
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #3  October 9,2010, 9:24pm
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I agree with you that attraction is a very individual thing. What makes a man attractive to me differs to what other women find attractive.

Attraction may not be solely based upon looks, but it is an important part of it. I have experienced two different kinds of attraction. The one where I clap eyes on a man and think 'Pwoar ... what a babe!' and the other kind where I get to know him quite well and find that over time he becomes physically attractive to me, when he was not at the outset. Overall, I had to find the man physically attractive to me, to want to date him or enter a relationship with him.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #4  October 9,2010, 10:38pm
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I agree.

I've had friends who fall head over heels for a guy, raving about how cute he is. He may be only average in my eyes, but to her -- and perhaps even moreso as she's gotten to know him -- he's a prince.

Likewise, I don't have to find a man classically handsome to want to get to know him better. Sometimes it's a man's expression when he's joking, his kindness or the sexy way he laughs that can make him attractive to me.

Finally, the way that you see each other can add to someone's attractivenss, as well. A guy may be average-looking, and I may be average-looking, but if he sees me as beautiful, that may add to the attraction. It can be a mutual, combination kind of thing.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  October 9,2010, 10:40pm
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Individual elements that i find attractive in one person i may not find attractive in someone else, it's a bit of a package deal that either rings bells or it doesn't.
I'd agree that the perception of a persons looks can be radically altered by other factors, i've met a number of women that couldn't be described as classic lookers but who were devastatingly attractive, and others who were conventionally gorgeous but who turned me on about as much as the average house brick.
Attitude is a huge factor, someone who walks around projecting "Look at me, aren't i gorgeous? Worship me" or "I'm so ugly, i know you're not even going to talk to me except out of pity" will drop off my radar pretty quickly, while someone who broadcasts "Well hello big boy, and what tricks do you know..?" will have my concerted interest.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #6  October 9,2010, 10:42pm
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I agree with this. Looks open the door, but the rest pulls you in and keeps you there.

Some people may think, hey my looks shouldn't matter, it's the real me that should matter instead. I'd say your looks is part of the real you. It shouldn't mean everything, but it's definitely important.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #7  October 10,2010, 5:56am
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wavestarved wrote :
I've always found that people start at a kind of baseline physical attractiveness. As you get to know them and their personality, they actually become more or less physically attractive. Like someone can be kinda plain at first, then you talk to her and suddenly she actually looks hotter, (and, unfortunately, vice versa). It's one reason why I try not to judge too harsh on the photos
You make a good point about not judging people too harshly on their photos. I’m laughing because I’d bet you a million dollars that you looked at my photo and immediately archived me, ha ha!

It is a rare gift to truly be photogenic. It is disheartening to think that a two dimensional 60 x 60 pixel photo taken on a camera phone is what is standing between you and the love of your life!

One of the first matches I communicated with had only a blurry photo of themselves posted on his profile. I couldn’t really tell what he looked like, but it was a full body photo taken in his house. What I could gather from the photo was that he was physically fit and liked an orderly home. I didn’t have a problem with that because what initially drew me was his profile and that he looked like a happy person.

When we got to O.C. I asked him to email me more photos. I had a real interest in this person, but I wasn’t prepared for the photos I received. They weren’t distasteful, but they made him look really plain and, well……..uhm…….., kind of nerdy! I’m ashamed to admit that I found myself wondering if I was still interested in meeting him in person. I’m glad I did because he was a lot better looking in person than he was in his photos - - in fact he was gorgeous! We actually had a couple of really great dates together, but mutually agreed to just be friends. My disappointment was that he deliberately down played how attractive he was. I asked him as a friend why he felt it was necessary to do that and he said he did it because he can’t stand superficial people. Lesson learned.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  October 10,2010, 6:34am
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When you are searching for a romantic partner you are looking for a whole package that is attractive to you. Looks is part of attraction. But the "look" that I find attractive is individual and not necessarily what you find attractive.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #9  October 10,2010, 6:35am
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Diana_P wrote :
It is a rare gift to truly be photogenic. It is disheartening to think that a two dimensional 60 x 60 pixel photo taken on a camera phone is what is standing between you and the love of your life!
This has been and will always be an issue with e-dating, scrolling through profiles is much like pulling the handle on a slot machine, everyone is waiting for the 3 cherries to line up.

Very few people put the wrench time into their profiles and some have no idea that their pictures or lack of are sabotaging their own e-dating journey.

So to answer the title of the thread.. Yes I agree, it's about overall attraction and not about looks. And I agree with what wavestared posted.

I don't know maybe I have a keen eye or something, but everytime a matches photos were so-so.. they were jaw-dropping in person.

In my experience, people with exceptional photos (above average in looks) that is all they are looking for themselves. I also find these people put less effort into they dating lifes, being chased all the time allows them do that imo
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 10,2010 at 6:55am.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #10  October 10,2010, 6:52am
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My "system" is similar to wavestared's as well. If there's something I find appealing in his pics on eH, that's enough for me - I've met short, tall, skinny, chubby (not obese), and incredibly buff.

I've always been aware of the fact that the people I've dated are better looking once I get to know them so I've carried that over into the online process and it's worked well for me. I will say, I like the unphotogenic guys - it's a happy surprise when they're so much cuter in person.
 
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