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truth32 is offline truth32 Post #1  October 9,2010, 5:50pm
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I've been dating this guy a little over 4 months. We live an hr apart. At 2 months, he met my family (most of them). He has called my dad a few times to help him with some personal stuff. He has, at 3 months, met my entire family and my siblings' significant others. I've met his family as well, a few times.

A couple of weeks ago, I could tell something was bothering him when he called me one night. We talked for a while about regular stuff (day, etc). I called back after to ask what was going on with him-and he ended up explaining to me for an hour how "confused" he feels, that he "knows" he really likes me, and there's nothing he'd want to change w/ me, but also feels like we need to get more serious, I deserve more time, etc...however, he also just got done with fulltime school and has a fulltime job, and feels "burnt out" and like he "wanted time to himself, too, to do 'nothing', see his friends again, work on his boat, cars, etc., so, I told him, "well if that's how you feel about me and all, then why don't you just take some time to do your thing? and we'll see how things go in a few weeks.." and he sounded so relieved, and happy, and we talked a while longer and then got off the phone, fine, i thought, he asked me to email him something the next day, etc. Well, I didn't hear from him-after almost 3 weeks, i called a few days ago, and didn't hear back. i texted yesterday, he responded immediately and told me he was workin on stuff at his house, what was i up to, etc. but still no call.

am i being naive here? should i take this as a breakup and move on without talking again, or ask him whats going on? i'm not sure what to do or think. At first I wasn't worried, but now I'm starting to wonder..
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #2  October 9,2010, 6:17pm
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I like the fact that you gave him space to do his own thing. From what you shared, it seems like he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I don't think it is personal, but he has to take care of business and he knows that he will not be able to give you the time/attention that you may need.

It's hard to say if the both of you officially broke up, but I do think that the relationship is on hold which could be construed as a break up.

Maybe it is time for you to conduct a gut check and see if it is time for you to move on or not. Nothing wrong with waiting for someone, but if they are not going to communicate with you for whatever reason, then that should give you indication that it may be time to consider other options.

B.Y.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  October 9,2010, 6:18pm
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I have a hunch this is over. If it were just a few days, I'd say he needed some time alone. Given that it's over three weeks, my guess is that he wants to end it but doesn't know how.
 
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truth32 is offline truth32 Post #4  October 9,2010, 6:20pm
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thank you. so do you suggest I just decide not to contact him again, assuming its over, or ask?
 
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CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #5  October 9,2010, 6:23pm
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I don't have any advice for you. It just sounds like he is confused and just doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't respond at all. It must be frustrating .

You may need to make up your own mind as to whether or not YOU are willing to wait to let him go.
I wish you luck.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  October 9,2010, 6:27pm
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truth32 wrote :
thank you. so do you suggest I just decide not to contact him again, assuming its over, or ask?
I suggest you discuss it with him and see what he says. If closure is what you want, then seek it.

B.Y.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #7  October 9,2010, 6:29pm
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It does sound like it's over but I'd ask if I were you since you seemed like you had been so close. Just see what he says.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  October 9,2010, 6:36pm
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truth32 wrote :
.....he ended up explaining to me for an hour how "confused" he feels....

am i being naive here? should i take this as a breakup and move on without talking again, or ask him whats going on? i'm not sure what to do or think. At first I wasn't worried, but now I'm starting to wonder..
I have never heard a guy utter the words "I'm confused..." about his relationship where it wasn't leading to a break up. Nor have I ever heard of someone "needing space" from their relationship where it wasn't leading to a break up. Funny how he has time for everything else in his life EXCEPT you.

This is a break up. You already let him off the hook easy, but it is still a break up. He will probably tell his friends and future girlfriends that it was "mutual," but there is nothing mutual about it.

Whether you talk to him again is up to you, but make no mistake about it, you two are broke up. Do not wait another second on him.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #9  October 9,2010, 6:53pm
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If I were you, I'd contact him one more time (either by phone or email) and tell him that in order to have some sense of clarity, you will wait a few more days. If you don't hear from him in that time, you will assume the relationship is over and you are both free to meet other people.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #10  October 9,2010, 8:00pm
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truth32 wrote :
I've been dating this guy a little over 4 months. We live an hr apart. At 2 months, he met my family (most of them). He has called my dad a few times to help him with some personal stuff. He has, at 3 months, met my entire family and my siblings' significant others. I've met his family as well, a few times.

A couple of weeks ago, I could tell something was bothering him when he called me one night. We talked for a while about regular stuff (day, etc). I called back after to ask what was going on with him-and he ended up explaining to me for an hour how "confused" he feels, that he "knows" he really likes me, and there's nothing he'd want to change w/ me, but also feels like we need to get more serious, I deserve more time, etc...however, he also just got done with fulltime school and has a fulltime job, and feels "burnt out" and like he "wanted time to himself, too, to do 'nothing', see his friends again, work on his boat, cars, etc., so, I told him, "well if that's how you feel about me and all, then why don't you just take some time to do your thing? and we'll see how things go in a few weeks.." and he sounded so relieved, and happy, and we talked a while longer and then got off the phone, fine, i thought, he asked me to email him something the next day, etc. Well, I didn't hear from him-after almost 3 weeks, i called a few days ago, and didn't hear back. i texted yesterday, he responded immediately and told me he was workin on stuff at his house, what was i up to, etc. but still no call.

am i being naive here? should i take this as a breakup and move on without talking again, or ask him whats going on? i'm not sure what to do or think. At first I wasn't worried, but now I'm starting to wonder..
I’m sorry you had to experience this.

I don’t believe that aversion to monogamy is a gender or genetic thing; I’m convinced it is all about personality. For some people like you, love is synonymous with commitment; others are incapable of expressing love as commitment. It doesn’t mean that they can’t or don’t love, it just means that their personality doesn’t afford them the ability to devote themselves to one person.

How do you know if the person you are with sees love (sex) and commitment as being mutually exclusive? Are there telltale signs?

The most obvious sign is how easily he or she lets you into their life especially the intimate parts. People who are revolving doors are really friendly and can be a lot of fun to be around, but they aren’t the “commitment” type. Someone who doesn’t take physical intimacy seriously isn’t likely to take commitment very seriously either. This is a classic instance where opposites attract each other and one person gets hurt because he or she couldn’t just enjoy the ride. It’s time to get off the Merry-go-Round and stop letting the situation you are in dictate your response. Don’t be afraid to put your terms upfront unless you aren’t sure yourself where you want things to go. Otherwise, you are destined for a repeat of the same heartbreak.
 
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