dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #1  October 9,2010, 7:31am
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OK, let me preface this by saying... I've been seeing a police officer who has almost no fear. Yes, healthy fear of the right things, but otherwise... none. Me on the other hand... scared of dumb stuff... spiders, haunted houses, etc...

So, of course with it being October and Halloween around the corner, we've been decorating like crazy. He is a Halloween nut, which I love, since it's my favorite holiday, too.

One of the most famous and largest haunted houses in the country is here where I live. It's 4 levels of absolute madness and takes about an hour to go through (yes an hour). This morning I got a call that - that's where we are going to tonight with a few other people.

Now I like scary movies, Halloween, Friday the 13th and stuff don't scare me, but I AM jumpy. (Although I did have nightmares after watching Amityville when I was a kid.) But when I was younger, I went to a haunted house and the Jason character took a liking to me, grabbed me while we were inside the house.... chased me outside after we got through the house, chased me around the house and I tripped and sprained my ankle and he kept coming at me with his stupid chainsaw. A few other times I've gone and just have not had good experiences. By law, they are not supposed to touch you, but of course, they do...

So now we are going to this huge, famous haunted house and I am not sure I want to go. He is sooo excited and he's been talking about taking me to one for days. Reminding me none of it is real, he'll be there to hold me, etc...

Should I suck it up and go? Should I have a few drinks to relax? Should I tell him no and hope he understands? I don't know quite what to do. On one hand, it seems exciting to go through this adrenaline rush with him, on the other, I think I am just too chicken. (I've been looking at the website, watching the videos, etc... I can see how it's all done, yet still...)

Ugh... I can hear the 16yr old in me screaming at the idiot in costume with a chainsaw...

I know this might seem stupid to some of you here, but to me, it's something I am worried about it. I don't want to disappoint him and frankly, I hate being such a "scaredy cat".

(and if anyone wants to see the website, shoot me a PM and I will give you the link.)
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #2  October 9,2010, 7:40am
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I'd probably go. He knows you're hesitant and maybe a little more subject to be scared, so he'll likely watch out for you try to make sure you have a good time. You admit it's been a long time since you've gone through one - you may find it to be a different experience now that you're older. And worst case scenario, you have a funny story to tell and you never do it again.

I'm a bit of a scaredy cat myself with haunted houses (and even have a similar story from my youth). But I've also found that how scared I am usually depends on my attitude. A drink or two beforehand certainly might loosen you up -- and remember the less you show fear, the less the characters tend to follow or bug you. In fact, I got in the habit of laughing if an actor got up in my face. They tended to leave me alone after that!

It's all in your attitude - I highly doubt that he's expecting you to show no fear - just be a good sport.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 9,2010, 7:46am
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I think any of your suggestions are okay, and I have done all of them myself under one condition or the other.

With refusal, you run the risk of effectively announcing an incompatibility, and inflexibility. This is a problematic approach, since it portends a future of having a "veto right" in the relationship. So, it's saying "I won't go all-in."

With acquisience, you are potentially being a doormat - in addition to the problem of enduring something you do not like! Personally, I favor woman who are willing / able to be clear with their own preferenaces, so refusal would not especially bother me.

***

My approach, in this type of situation, is to consider the cost / benefit economics of each option as primary, and my partner's willingness to accomodate, as seconday. This situation appears to present no tangible cost, so any degree of evidence my partner would accomodate me if the roles were reversed would probably make me agree to the request.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #4  October 9,2010, 7:51am
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I would go, it sounds like fun. We often make things a lot scarier in our minds than they turn out to be in real life. Go, live a little and don't let fears control your life.

Have fun whatever you decide to do.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #5  October 9,2010, 8:23am
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dazedconfuzed wrote :
A few other times I've gone and just have not had good experiences.
I don't get it. Surely, there is something you can do where both of you will enjoy yourselves. I'm all for trying new things and going in with an open mind, but, why do something that you know you don't like?
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #6  October 9,2010, 8:31am
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VB_Girl wrote :
I would go, it sounds like fun. We often make things a lot scarier in our minds than they turn out to be in real life. Go, live a little and don't let fears control your life.

Have fun whatever you decide to do.
I think you are very right about that.
Most excellent advice!! (said with a silly Bill and Ted mantra).



dmi wrote :
I don't get it. Surely, there is something you can do where both of you will enjoy yourselves. I'm all for trying new things and going in with an open mind, but, why do something that you know you don't like?
I totally understand that. Which is why I was on the fence. But I got a great PM from someone who just told me that it's a perfect opportunity for me to conquer my fears and not have to do it alone. I will be with someone I trust and admire and like a hellofalot. I know he won't let me get hurt. So...
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #7  October 9,2010, 8:40am
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Suck up and go - if he enjoys this Halloween stuff as much as you say he does, he'll find ways of making you feel less scared.

What better way to over come your fears than with someone you love?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  October 9,2010, 8:51am
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
Suck up and go - if he enjoys this Halloween stuff as much as you say he does, he'll find ways of making you feel less scared.

What better way to over come your fears than with someone you love?
+1000.
Besides, October is good huggin' weather!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  October 9,2010, 8:58am
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dmi wrote :
I don't get it. Surely, there is something you can do where both of you will enjoy yourselves. I'm all for trying new things and going in with an open mind, but, why do something that you know you don't like?
because like most fear..hers is irrational. It is based on one experience, one where she was younger, no one there to protect her..etc..
one that has nothing to do with her age now, her maturity level, her understanding or what the experience will be like with this guy who I assume really likes her.
Again, you can't conquer fear without facing it.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #10  October 9,2010, 11:50am
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My first question here is...where is this haunted house? 4 levels?!?!?! I think i have to check it out if its close to me. I have a feeling its probably too far, but hey.

Second. How comfortable are you with this man? Fear, in my opinion, is an intimate emotion. You need to be comfortable with the person you are with to show when you're afraid, even in an entertaining way. If you are close enough to feel scared with this man, then go with him, it should be fun. But if that causes problems, then you should not go with him.

Third, if you truly will not enjoy yourself, do not go but communicate why. If he likes you, he will understand.
 
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