Overseas Dating, Does He Love Me? I need your advice


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Prescious2 is offline Prescious2 Post #1  October 8,2010, 9:35am
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Hi I met this 24 year old Punjabi Indian guy online. I am 40 years old. I met him about a month ago. So far so good only problem is he calls me like 20 times a day and when he finally gets me, he asks me where have I been and who I've been talking to. He tells me please give me more of your phone numbers just so that if he can't get me on one line then he'll get me on the other. He tells me all the time that he is constantly thinking about me and that he has to talk to me all the time. He tells me all the time that he does not know why he likes me so much and that he doesn't understand why.*

Here is another problem with him, while he is online with me half of the time he is drunk and smoking to the point where he staggers. I keep asking why are you smoking and drinking all the time. He said it's a habit he's trying to break. BUT at the level that he is drinking and smoking, TO ME something is wrong in his life for him to try to escape thru drinking and smoking BUT WHAT? When I ask him what kind of stress or problem in your 24 years of life is causing you to drink yourself drunk and smoke like that, he says leave it.*He told me about his past girlfriend cheated on him and that he does not want to talk about her. He gets very angry when I talk about his EX. He says please don't ever bring her up again. So finally I asked him why is he interested in a 40 year old woman and he told me that*has dealt with alot of beautiful girls and they cheated on him and played games with him so now he wants a woman.

You know there were a couple of times when I'm on webcam with him he is constantly saying please don't leave me. If he calls, just answer the phone and if I'm angry with him, be angry but just don't leave him. So I said I won't leave you so why you keep thinking that?*

Also this part here I'm about to tell you is the deepest of all, there were a couple of times while on webcam, He cut himself contemplating suicide thinking I was going to leave him. I saw the blood and the cuts and everything and most importantly, I saw the fresh blood on his wrist. So I said why did u do that? He did this while drunk but he tells me that he does not know and that he does not want me to leave him. I have also seen him trying to cut himself while sober so i tell him never ever do that again and he says alright in a slow voice almost like he can't promise me that. But I have to admit, I get lonely real lonely myself so I really don't mind all the attention I'm getting from him.

Anyway he claims his love for me so much that now he wants to come to the USA to be with me and marry me. Oh before I continue with this, I must tell you that I have an online ad looking for marriage and now that he's met me, he practically ordered me yesterday to take it down. Anyway he says he wants to come to America to be with me and marry me. So I said slow down let's get to know each other first before you talk marriage so he says ok. But let me tell you this guys status first. He is Indian living in Europe illegally but he has Asylum there and he says he wants to be with me so bad that he is going to risk passing the Mexican borders in order to be with me. So I told him don't do that because says he can get into huge trouble if they find out that he has Asylum in Europe and trying to cross Mexican borders illegally to enter the USA just to meet me. I told him not to do it but he is determined to meet me.*

Also he asks me for my address so I said why and he says he wants to mail me something and that he has a surprise for me but I never gave him my address. So now he is Hindu and he is punjabi and he wants to marry me BUT I also have a Punjabi male friend in person and we are really good friends and so I told my Punjabi friend about this guy, and I asked him his opinion and he told me first of all does he have papers? So I was like I think so just to hear what he says and then my Punjabi friend told me Prescious if this Hindi guy does not have papers Then DON'T MARRY HIM because as soon as he gets his papers he will leave me. Then my punjabi friend says If he has his papers then it's possible that he loves you but if he does not have his papers do not marry him. My punjabi friend told me that he cares for me very much and that he does not want to see me get hurt. My punjabi friend told me that if j marry him that I should make him pay me. Because my punjabi friend told me what the Hindu men do that they marry an American and after they get their papers, they leave to go back to India with their American green card to marry beautiful Indian woman for a one million dollar Dowry. This man was so angry and said my friend is judging him and don't know him and he is not like that. He said is my friend God? Are all hindu people like this? He doesn't know me so how can he say that about me. So anyway to prove to me that he is not like that, we can stay like this forever we don't ever have to get married but begging me not to leave him

So anyway today we are on the phone and he can hear my other phone ringing so he says why don't you answer your phone OR whose calling you?*
So this is the whole story what do you guys think? Does he love me or what?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  October 8,2010, 10:41am
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Why are you wasting time on this mess?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  October 8,2010, 11:01am
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Bet you're wishing this one would poof!


wrote :
because as soon as he gets his papers he will leave me.
Listen to your friend..
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  October 8,2010, 11:04am
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I'm sorry on how blunt I am going to be, but it's for your safety...You need to IMMEDIATELY stop all communication with this person...This is a disaster...You have never 'met' this person if I am getting this right...This is a manipulative, emotionally stunted, in need of a psychiatrist asap for his suicidal behavior...

I am NOT joking when I tell you that from what you have written, if he were to come here and be with you..he could turn his anger, which he has shown all over the place with his dangerously possesive nature...He could harm/kill you, as well as himself...

After you stop communicating with him completely..I strongly suggest you get yourself into some counseling to find out what would bring you to seek someone like this out. To be desperate enough to look for an actual person to marry without meeting them...to put up with such behavior from someone shows that your self esteem is so low that you would believe a perfect stranger is 'in love' with you...And especially to believe that anything that he has said/done is showing care, concern or love towards you...It's the exact opposite...

I beg you to seek help for yourself before this gets any worse..
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #5  October 8,2010, 11:05am
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Honestly, reading your story, I have more concern about you then I do for this guy. Obviously, from what you have shared, he is a trainwreck. But, I am not going to focus on him. I will focus on you.

I am sure that you have enough sense to know that he isn't a good match for you. You acknowledged that he has a lot of issues from not controlling his vices, to temperment, to control issues, etc.

Yet, despite the obvious red flags, you are still talking to him. So, my question to you is...Why?

What's wrong with finding a man who lives in your town/city, state and even country?

Do you have a preference for Indian men?

I hope you do the right thing and leave him alone.


B.Y.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  October 8,2010, 11:50am

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Holy Tandoori...you gotta leave this guy for sure. Nothin' but trouble.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  October 8,2010, 12:02pm
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Red flag is the understatement, wow. Agree, she is caught up in a dangerous emotional bond.
BabyYoda wrote :
Honestly, reading your story, I have more concern about you then I do for this guy. Obviously, from what you have shared, he is a train wreck. But, I am not going to focus on him. I will focus on you.

I am sure that you have enough sense to know that he isn't a good match for you. You acknowledged that he has a lot of issues from not controlling his vices, to temperament, to control issues, etc.

Yet, despite the obvious red flags, you are still talking to him. So, my question to you is...Why?

What's wrong with finding a man who lives in your town/city, state and even country?

Do you have a preference for Indian men?

I hope you do the right thing and leave him alone.


B.Y.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #8  October 8,2010, 1:40pm
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #9  October 8,2010, 1:55pm
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You've gotten some good advice here so far. Hopefully you've come to realize what kind of danger you're putting yourself in.

So many inconsistencies and red flags in his story line and behavior.... How can he be in Europe illegally if he's been granted asylum there? And if he does decide to cross into the US illegally through Mexico it's very likely he wouldn't be able to get a green card later even through marriage (since green cards require a clean criminal background). Not to mention it's doubtful that US immigration authorities would believe that this guy is marrying you for legitimate reasons and they are definitely on the lookout for this type of situation when they do the required marriage interviews. This type of scam has occurred so much that the marriage green card is temporary at first (for 2 years); just prior to 2 years the US spouse has to file for a permanent green card and verify the marriage is viable and legit.

If you're interested in dating Indian men in particular there are many already residing in the US. The guy you're talking to seems like a scam artist and is not representative of Hindu/Indian men in general. But it's more likely you're going to keep attracting men like this if you are seeking men abroad and inviting them to the US for marriage. Instead why not concentrate on men already in the US who live in closer proximity to you?
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #10  October 8,2010, 2:01pm
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Dear Ms. P....40 year old Ms. P being controlled and conned by a 24 yr in INDIA.....I'll keep my reply very brief.

Please please.....listen to YOUR PUNJAB friend. And wake the heck up already!!!

Best wishes.
 
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