Letting the guy ask for the first date


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CestMoi is offline CestMoi Post #1  October 7,2010, 8:24am
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I've been exchanging emails with this guy on EH, and it's going exceedingly well. On paper, this looks like the best match yet -- he's into similar activities and lifestyle, wants a family, etc. He lives out of town (and realizes relocation might be necessary to be with the right person) and has family near me. He mentioned he might driving to see his family this weekend. I like being asked directly for that first date (I realize others might feel differently)... he just sorta threw the ball up in the air. So, I'm deciding my response. I want him to know I'm interested, but I want to do it without asking him for the first meeting. Hmmm. I'd love to hear if you have any ideas.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #2  October 7,2010, 8:26am
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I would ask if you are that interested. I am not intimidated by a woman taking the first step. Maybe he would be. If that is the case, he may or may not be the right personality for you. Like Nike's tag line, "just do it"
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #3  October 7,2010, 8:38am
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It seems to me like you're worried over a technicality, as in who does the actual asking.

So why not throw a really obvious clue at him and see how he responds. May be something along the lines of:

So you're going to be visiting family close to my town? I must say, the opportunist in me is thinking "how convenient".
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  October 7,2010, 8:40am
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If you like him, I see no reason to not be direct about it. What's driving you to want him to make the first move? A sense of old fashioned values? A fear that you're more interested than he is? Either way I see no harm in doing this. I do it all the time.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #5  October 7,2010, 8:45am
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I agree...if you are interested....and his family is near you...if you mention about meeting im sure he will do it.


The relocation issue...who knows right now....but he has family there so who is to say he wouldnt move back home?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  October 7,2010, 8:57am
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You don't have to ask him out. All you have to do is tell him that if it's convenient for him, it would be nice to meet and let him take it from there. If you get on a high horse and ignore this opportunity, it will read as complete disinterest on your part.

By the way, a bit too early to worry about relocation. You have no clue if you'll like each other in real life.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 7,2010, 9:15am
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Tell him "Oh that's great -- we could meet." That still leaves it up to him to actually suggest something specific.

DancingFool is right I think -- that would be the natural response, and if you don't make it, he might read that as non-interest.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  October 7,2010, 9:16am
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Have you spoken to him on the phone?
How far out-of-town is he?
When he started communication, did he know you lived in his family's area?
He wants you to suggest it, that's why he said "might".
Find out more.
Since he is traveling that way anyway, you have nothing to lose, niether does he.If the meet doesn't work out, he sees his family anyway .
CestMoi wrote :

He lives out of town and has family near me.

He mentioned he might driving to see his family this weekend

I want him to know I'm interested, but I want to do it without asking him for the first meeting.

Hmmm. I'd love to hear if you have any ideas.
Last edited by Wiseman2; October 7,2010 at 9:27am.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #9  October 7,2010, 11:40am
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I agree with the above posters. Ask him if he's ready to meet. Don't pass up the opportunity.
 
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CestMoi is offline CestMoi Post #10  October 10,2010, 8:26am
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Thanks for your responses.

He's said, "I have half an inclination to go to my cousin's...," and I responded, "I wonder why you have half an inclination and not a whole inclination. " It turned out, his cousin was potentially going out of town and he didn't know for sure yet, thus the "half an inclination." Anyway, he booked up w/other plans, so no meeting in person yet...

Oh, and I wasn't worried about relocation. I was just making a note of what was in his profile... that the distance (5 1/2 hours of driving) doesn't look like an issue for him. Oh, and it was clear in his profile that I do live in the same area as his family.
 
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