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kreg85 is offline kreg85 Post #1  October 6,2010, 1:41pm
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Been out on 3 dates with a gal that I really like. I'm planning to surprise her with a picnic in the park next time out. I know her basic likes and dislikes but want to find out fav wine, food etc so that I can make this date special... Her best friend (who knows about me) is on facebook - wondering if it'd be out of line to ask him (he's gay- so he's not in the equation) about my date's favorite foods wines etc. I have never met him or spoken to him... Would it be out of line to contact her friend to get the inside scoop on the things she likes in order to make this picnic special?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  October 6,2010, 2:26pm
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It could potentially come across as a bit creepy and cowardly or very cute and romantic. It really depends on how the guy would react to it and how he would tell her about it - which he will. Given the risk factor involved, I would not do it.

I don't get why you can't simply talk to her and in the course of conversation find out what she likes to eat, drink, her favorites, etc. This is pretty common social small talk. When she sees that you got her favorite stuff and remembers that she had mentioned them to you, you'll get brownie points for it.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  October 6,2010, 2:28pm

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its best to not.

you don't know if she's told him about you or what.

i suggest talking to her, the girl you are dating.

ETA: early in the dating game, the 007 stuff makes me itchy. if you had been introduced in RL, then yeah, maybe.
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #4  October 6,2010, 3:20pm
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At first I thought, "Why not?" but then, reading other posters' responses, I do have to agree that it's unnecessarily high-risk.

Plus, this:

DancingFool wrote :
I don't get why you can't simply talk to her and in the course of conversation find out what she likes to eat, drink, her favorites, etc. This is pretty common social small talk. When she sees that you got her favorite stuff and remembers that she had mentioned them to you, you'll get brownie points for it.
It should be easy to say over the phone or something, "Oh, I'm making X for dinner tonight. I love X," or something like that. And she comments that she doesn't really like X, or she prefers Y, and so on. And, if she doesn't come right out and say what you're wondering, you still have the perfect set-up to ask. Or even, I've had food-related stuff come up while talking about a friend who's vegetarian (which I couldn't be, since I love meat), or a friend who really likes wine, organic food, etc. Just talk about that stuff & see where it goes.

And the "brownie points for listening" thing is definitely true!
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #5  October 6,2010, 4:07pm
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If I were in her shoes I would say it is all in the thought that counts. Just take a bottle of white and a bottle of red and keep the food kind of middle of the road. I'd be happy to use this opportunity to learn about your favourites, just take those.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #6  October 6,2010, 4:08pm
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See, now, I'd be really impressed if a man did that for me.

But, I see the potential downside, too. Darn.
 
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kreg85 is offline kreg85 Post #7  October 6,2010, 4:17pm
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Thanks for the advice - her friend does know about me as I have been with her when he calls and he tells her to say hi to me... I definetley don't want to creep her out... just want to make it a special night for her. Her ex husband apparently wasn't into doing "the little things' and putting in an effort. I also get the impression the guys she has dated were mainly looking to get into her pants and thats about all... I have tried to find out what she likes through random conversation but she is vague about it at best. Her friend has known her for 20+ years.... Guess the best avenue will be to go with the "its the thought that counts" route and see what happens...

Unless someone gives a compelling argument otherwise....
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #8  October 6,2010, 4:24pm
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kreg85 wrote :
Thanks for the advice - her friend does know about me as I have been with her when he calls and he tells her to say hi to me... I definetley don't want to creep her out... just want to make it a special night for her. Her ex husband apparently wasn't into doing "the little things' and putting in an effort. I also get the impression the guys she has dated were mainly looking to get into her pants and thats about all... I have tried to find out what she likes through random conversation but she is vague about it at best. Her friend has known her for 20+ years.... Guess the best avenue will be to go with the "its the thought that counts" route and see what happens...
It's definitely the thought that counts. You'll have plenty of time to learn her favorites & so on in a more natural way down the road, too. Just bring a nice variety of things, so you have a back-up plan if she doesn't like one thing or another.

Good luck!
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #9  October 6,2010, 4:27pm
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annother wrote :
See, now, I'd be really impressed if a man did that for me.

But, I see the potential downside, too. Darn.
I'd probably like it, too, but she might find it creepy. Just too hard to tell...

Also, if she likes it but her friend finds it creepy, it could embarrass her. I know some of my friends might think it's weird.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #10  October 6,2010, 9:56pm
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Don't ask her friend that you never met about her. That can easily come off as bad, no matter how well intentioned.

Just cover your bases with a variety of things. Like someone said a couple different wines, some different crackers and cheeses...and some fruit.

Oh make sure to pick out the spot ahead of time...don't wing that part. Enough shade? Not too much car or foot traffic, not a lot of bugs or dogs around either. Something with a good view near water.

And as a surprise...um maybe tickets to something she likes for another date.
 
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