Bad first date....what now?


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kikigirl123 is offline kikigirl123 Post #1  October 5,2010, 3:07pm
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Here is the situation:

My match (who lives an hour away) came to my city for the first date. We had originally arranged to meet for coffee, and then go from there. Well, there was traffic and he ended up getting there an hour late (7 pm), and we decided to go for dinner as he was hungry. Long story short, he ended up doing most of the conversation, he was funny, I laughed at his jokes, etc...But the whole time, I seemed to "not be there" (Body language and such). I had spent the afternoon helping a friend move, then had had pizza that was totally messing with my "inner workings".

Anyway, after dinner (which he paid for), he wanted to go somewhere else (it was 9:30 PM), but again, looking back, my body language was so closed off that he ended up dropping me at my car (we had walked to his car to grab his jacket). We parted ways with the usual " I hope we can do this again", but the whole time, I was like in outer space. No kiss or hug (again my body language screamed 'I want to get out of here'). He on the other hand was a gentleman to the very end.

Well, to compound everything, I did not call within 24-hr for the "traditional thank you", did not check whether he had made home safely, etc...

So, of course he hasn't called since that date, and I wasn't reallly expecting him to, given that it had been a disaster.

Anyway, 10 days later, I'm wondering, should I contact him and offer an invite to a second date? Earlier on during OC, we had looked forward to checking out some of the arts event in my city. I have Symphony Orchestra and Ballet tickets, and was thinking about calling him, saying something about the first awkward date, and then inviting him to next Sat's event (I'll pay for both tickets).

I did like him, and as far as I can tell, he was strongly interested until the first date (which of course negates all the previous virtual/phone interactions).

Emailing though eH and texting are out of question. Phone call is the way to go...and hopefully I don't get the answering machine.

What's a girl to do? Call? Would you give such a date a second chance?

PS: My dating skills are not the sharpest, and I was pretty nervous that day. Should I bring it up during the potential phone conversation?

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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #2  October 5,2010, 3:15pm
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If you were interested why didn't you follow up with the mandatory 24 "thank you" call/email/text? But 10 days with no contact after the first day I wouldn't bother actually. Spend you efforts on maybe finding someone else.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  October 5,2010, 3:25pm
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May I ask why it's taken 10 days to realize all of this? That's the part I am confused about..

It's one thing to have this happen..then call him up and tell him you truly enjoyed his company, weren't feeling very well, tired, etc..and that you would love to see him again, your treat,..

But something tells me that you he is just 'so/so' to you and maybe no other prospects right now so he seems like an ok guy to go on a date with...

For me..even if that happened..if I was really excited about meeting him previously and 'clicked' with him (all things considered)...I would immediately be calling the next day...
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  October 5,2010, 3:27pm
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If you were to call him, what makes you think that he would want to go out with you again? It sounds to me like you did just about everything you could possibly do to show that you have no interest in him whatsoever. The fact that he never followed up either means that he also came to that conclusion.
 
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kikigirl123 is offline kikigirl123 Post #5  October 5,2010, 3:31pm
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I'll just admit I'm my own worst critic. I've been mulling over this forever. Not saying the 24-hr thank you thing was a poor oversight (on Monday I though "ouch! just missed it), then another week went by and I kept telling myself, I had butchered too many rules of the protocol and he'd probably moved on.

As far as having several interests, I don't juggle many potential very well, and after this debacle, I turned my matching off, and sort of waited to collect my thoughts before making the next move (either contacting him, or just learning from this bad experience)....I know, I move at the pace of a tortoise

Anyway, this one seems like I should just let it go...which is what I've been telling myself the whole week
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #6  October 5,2010, 3:32pm
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The 10 day thing has me baffled too!
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #7  October 5,2010, 3:34pm
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What the heck, why not? What do you have to lose? You could call/text/email and say that you weren't at your best the night you went out and would like to try again. Seriously, what's the worst that can happen, he says no? How is that different from where you are now?
 
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kikigirl123 is offline kikigirl123 Post #8  October 5,2010, 3:34pm
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MicMan wrote :
If you were to call him, what makes you think that he would want to go out with you again? It sounds to me like you did just about everything you could possibly do to show that you have no interest in him whatsoever. The fact that he never followed up either means that he also came to that conclusion.
My thoughts exactly...that's what I've been telling myself since the post 24hr mishap...the longer I have waited, the worst it's become. And things on eHarmony move so fast, he is likely actively pursuing other leads now.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #9  October 5,2010, 3:34pm
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kikigirl123 wrote :
I had butchered too many rules of the protocol and he'd probably moved on.
One thing I'll tell ya, stop following "the rules" Read the forums, you'll see that will only serve to get you "the player" title!
 
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kikigirl123 is offline kikigirl123 Post #10  October 5,2010, 3:38pm
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ISearch4Love wrote :
One thing I'll tell ya, stop following "the rules" Read the forums, you'll see that will only serve to get you "the player" title!
Yeah...so how do I come clean? Even assuming that he has no other interesting lead at the time, I don't want to give the impression that I was exploring other options during this time and am getting in touch with him because they did not work out. Nobody wants to feel like leftovers
 
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