My First eHarmony Date....hmmmmm


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Tracyannk28 is offline Tracyannk28 Post #1  October 4,2010, 4:25am
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I had my first eHarmony meet yesterday afternoon and I think I can use some feedback...

So we were going to meet for lunch/drinks at 1 and he showed up (on time -yey!) and he said "Wow...you look even better in person..." Which was very nice to hear :-)

So the place we went to was a brew pub...we checked out the menu, sampled a few beers and made our selection. I said to him "I'm going to go for the pumkin spice ale...it tastes really good!" and He said he was going to have the Oktoberfest Brew...cool, so I excuse myself to the ladies room and when I return he had his beer (and a glass of water) but didn't order mine for me...so I had to wait 10 minutes for the bartender to notice me...

So we both had 2 beers and split an appitizer....when the bill came it was about 30 bucks. I wanted to pay half, because it seemed fair and stuff, but he insisted on paying, which was kinda nice...

So it was a nice afternoon and we decided to take a walk around town and came across his favorite bakery/cafe and asked if I wanted to go in and get dessert. So we share a piece of cake and had coffee - I paid for it...like I said, it was a first meet and I felt that he shouldnt have to pay for everything. We chatted outside at a table for a long time but it started getting chilly and was time to go...so we walked to the corner and he said "well it was nice meeting you...let me know that you got home safe" and gave me a hug...

this kinda bothered me because my car was parked about 3 blocks away in a lot, and his I guess was parked by the cafe...since it was getting dark I thought it would have been nice for him to at least offer to walk me, especially since I was never in this neighborhood before. But anyway, I got to my car safely (lol).

He texted me about 30 minutes later saying that he had a great time and wanted to know if I got home OK...so (to make a long story short) I texted him back and stuff and he asked if I wanted to get together again. I said "sure...give me a call"...

...he was a nice guy, attractive, interesting, but I thought those 2 things showed that maybe he was a little clueless....
 
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MagicalTrev is offline MagicalTrev Post #2  October 4,2010, 4:49am
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I'd chalk the ordering issue up to a little bit of nerves, maybe with a side of not wanting you to think he'd always order for you, and the car thing up to him not wanting to appear creepy or clingy.

But really, when it comes down to it, are those two things dealbreakers or first date quirks that you can live with at least until you get to know him better?

My vote is give him another shot.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 4,2010, 4:55am
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Yes, he is more than a little clueless but those things are hardly relationship breakers. Unless you are crawling with better options, I would not toss this one back quite yet.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #4  October 4,2010, 4:56am
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It just sounds like he's respecting boundaries to me - he didn't want to presume and order for you and he didn't want to force his company on you after you had determined to leave. Nerves make people less observant, too.

If you had a good time, I wouldn't take those two things as indicative of anything particularly negative at this point.
 
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Tracyannk28 is offline Tracyannk28 Post #5  October 4,2010, 5:03am
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does an apple a day keep the doctor away if the apple is dipped in carmel?

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lunabeach wrote :
It just sounds like he's respecting boundaries to me - he didn't want to presume and order for you and he didn't want to force his company on you after you had determined to leave. Nerves make people less observant, too.

If you had a good time, I wouldn't take those two things as indicative of anything particularly negative at this point.
One of my guy friends said that sometimes guys forget chivalry when their nervous...and I didn't thik much of the beer thing until the walking-to-the-car thing happened.

And I'm not going to forget this one...it was't a dealbreaker, just something to be on the lookout for...if he does call me, and we go out on a real date then I'll see if he has better manners...he was a nice guy though...and no, I really don't have any other options right now.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  October 4,2010, 5:03am
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Sounds like a great fun date, since you can't change him and he can't read minds .
Here's what I suggest: Speak up!
"I'll be right back, if the waiter / bartender comes could you please order a so-and-so for me, thank you?"

"My car is just around the corner"
Guys don't like to be judged for lack of mind reading skills.
Communicate !

Tracyannk28 wrote :

1)but didn't order mine for me...so I had to wait 10 minutes for the bartender to notice me...

2)since it was getting dark I thought it would have been nice for him to at least offer to walk me,

2 things showed that maybe he was a little clueless....
Last edited by Wiseman2; October 4,2010 at 5:08am.
 
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Tracyannk28 is offline Tracyannk28 Post #7  October 4,2010, 5:24am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Sounds like a great fun date, since you can't change him and he can't read minds .
Here's what I suggest: Speak up!
"I'll be right back, if the waiter / bartender comes could you please order a so-and-so for me, thank you?"

"My car is just around the corner"
Guys don't like to be judged for lack of mind reading skills.
Communicate !
yeah if there is a next time I will....I just never had to before. Most men have walked me at least half way to my car, or offered to. I just figured he didn't walk me to my car because he wasn't interested in me...so needless to say, when I heard from him so quickly post-meet I was very, very surpised...
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 4,2010, 5:56am
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Tracyannk28 wrote :
he was a nice guy, attractive, interesting, but I thought those 2 things showed that maybe he was a little clueless....
Here's the thing. Everything that you say was nice, I can find other posts complaining about these things. And everything you are worried about, I can find posts complaining about the opposite behavior.

Your real problem with your match is that he is not telepathic. He doesn't know how to read your mind. If you want to be walked to your car, say so. And as to this:

wrote :
He texted me about 30 minutes later saying that he had a great time and wanted to know if I got home OK...so (to make a long story short) I texted him back and stuff and he asked if I wanted to get together again. I said "sure...give me a call"...
I simply can't tell what your objection is here. That he texted? So soon? That he asked about going out again? Or that he wasn't more definite? That he didn't try to close the deal when you said "sure, give me a call"... which as all guys know, often means nothing?

I can predict exactly what will happen here. You will continue to think and re-think and over-think this until you convince yourself not to see this guy again. And that's a shame.
 
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Tracyannk28 is offline Tracyannk28 Post #9  October 4,2010, 6:11am
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melman wrote :
Here's the thing. Everything that you say was nice, I can find other posts complaining about these things. And everything you are worried about, I can find posts complaining about the opposite behavior.

Your real problem with your match is that he is not telepathic. He doesn't know how to read your mind. If you want to be walked to your car, say so. And as to this:

I simply can't tell what your objection is here. That he texted? So soon? That he asked about going out again? Or that he wasn't more definite? That he didn't try to close the deal when you said "sure, give me a call"... which as all guys know, often means nothing?

I can predict exactly what will happen here. You will continue to think and re-think and over-think this until you convince yourself not to see this guy again. And that's a shame.
No, no, no...there was no objection to the post-date text at all. Like I stated earlier, I was very, very surprised that he not only texted me, but asked to see me again because I didn't think he was interested in me at all. And I not only said "call me" ...I said "Sure! I'm definitely up for it! Give me a call :-)"

If he calls me and wants to go out, I'll definitley go...
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  October 4,2010, 6:17am
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Overall, it sounds like a really good date..

It could be he was so nervous that he forgot what you wanted before he ordered his drink...

In that instance before leaving the table..I would usually say.."I have to go to the ladies room, do you mind ordering me xyz if the waiter comes around..thanks" That way..he knows what you want and it's ok to order for you...

Same thing about walking to the car...yes...some men will automatically offer this as they have a 'protective' nature about them...and others, you need to ask.."Would you mind walking me to my car, I would appreciate that"...

If there is one major thing that I have learned during my marriage/divorce...is that most guys need to be asked certain thing that automatically occur to us women...And 99% of the time..it has nothing to do with them 'not caring' if they don't think of it themselves...

It's way too confusing these days for guys where some women want their door opened, chair pulled out, walked to car, etc...and other women who dont want any of those things...

Just ask in a kind way and most of the time, they are happy to do something that makes us feel good....The reverse goes for men I think...

It doesn't take away the nice gesture even if you have to ask...I used to believe it did in my 20's...the whole.."if I have to tell him, then why bother" kind of thing...

Men like to do nice things for women that make us feel cared for...Again..the reverse should be true as well..I don't mind in the least if my guy said.."hey..it would be nice if you called me at work to say hi sometimes"....as an example..I would be .."sure..would love to!"...

Communication is key...there are way too many missed opportunities, hurt feelings, questions, etc. when people start to fill in the gaps for themselves on something someone says/does...

Call him back to say what a great time you had and ask when he wanted to go out again?...and then take it from there...

Have fun!!!
 
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