Handshake after 5 hour first date?


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confusedbywomen is offline confusedbywomen Post #1  October 3,2010, 6:41pm
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Ok, I swapped essay length emails with a girl everyday for 5 days, then asked her out. We decided to meet for coffee 2 days later. I gave her my phone number in case there was a last minute change of plans and she did the same.

We met Friday and the date lasted 5.5 hours. It would have continued longer but I started to get hungry and said I needed to call it a night or move the date to a restaurant. She decided to call it an evening too and so I walked her to her car.

I am a bit shy about initiating physical contact so I asked her if we should part with a hug or handshake. She opted for the handshake.
I called her early sunday evening to setup a 2nd date but got her voicemail and left a message saying I enjoyed meeting and would like to go out again, this time for dinner.

I have been on 50+ first dates in the last few years and the good ones ended with a hug. Personally if I was not interested in someone on the first date I would end it in under an hour. But she stayed and we talked for over 5 hours. Should I be concerned by the handshake or am just over reacting?


thanks for any input!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #2  October 3,2010, 6:51pm
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Kind of sounds like she finds you interesting as a person, but may not be interested in you romantically.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  October 3,2010, 7:03pm
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When I'm hungry I get cranky. Maybe she thought a warm handshake was better than a cranky hug.
 
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CluelessinATX is offline CluelessinATX Post #4  October 3,2010, 7:09pm
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Every first meet of mine that ended in a handshake, ended in a poof. I surprised she didn't try to end the date earlier if she was not interested in you. You might be getting the "Do you want to be friends?" email.

Good luck.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  October 3,2010, 7:50pm
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I'd like to echo what everyone else is saying, my guess is she really enjoyed your company but probably didn't feel a romantic connection. I've often had dates that go a long time (for some reason 4-5 hours seems to be my average), but have not always wanted a second. Usually the case is that I am really enjoying that person's company but may not feel the romantic spark. Or, more likely, I'm on the fence and hoping that turning point in the date where the spark happens.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  October 3,2010, 7:51pm
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That said, I cannot say I've ever shook hands on a date. A hug to me is pretty standard.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  October 3,2010, 7:58pm
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you didnt even want to take her to dinner? idk i would have just shaken your hand too. i would have figured you were lukewarm
 
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MusicmanTN is offline MusicmanTN Post #8  October 3,2010, 9:22pm
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Personally a hug is standard, as a courtesy from both individuals. Maybe that's just my "southern gentleman" roots, but it shows mutual respect and affection without the necessity of defining the meaning, with the added benefit of being able to "feel" the thoughts of the other and not need words or have to ask the questions "Is she interested in me as a friend or partner?" or "Should I ask her out again soon?". Also, although I do like to continue a date that's going well for extended hours, I've learned that though I may not be over staying a welcome sometimes seeing too much of someone the 1st time can eliminate curiosity and by the end of the date I've aquired a new best friend... leaving romantic interest waning somewhere behind. The old adage is true..."Leave her wanting more."
I'll admit that I do lean toward wanting to avoid too much personal contact on the 1st date, and more often than not I'll refuse a kiss even if I strongly desire it(at least on the 1st date). But avoiding contact entirely can come across as either showing lack of confidence or lack of interest in being more than just friends, and she'll react accordingly.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #9  October 3,2010, 9:59pm
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Given the 5+ hrs of talking its hard to tell if she is just shy and reserved or not interested.

If you called her and left a message so the ball is in her court. If she doesnt call you back then she wasnt interested and didnt like you like that.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #10  October 3,2010, 10:48pm
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When I was new to online dating, I wasn't really comfortable greeting or parting with a hug. I actually mentioned this to one guy in an email before our first date, and he thoughtfully offered me a handshake at the end of the date instead of moving in for a hug. We ended up dating for nearly six months.

Nowadays, I commonly hug (or more, depending on our chemistry). But it's entirely possible your girl was just shy, or not naturally touchy-feely, or wants to move slow, or whatever. Only time will tell!
 
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