Handshake after 5 hour first date?


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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #11  October 4,2010, 3:50am
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Two things here;
1)Should have just taken it to the restaurant level earlier, rather than drag on until you are both starved and tired.
2) You should / could have just hugged her rather than asking. Even your asking makes her think you are the hesitant one, and judging from the dragging out the coffee forever , it seems so.
3)Passivity and hesitation can be perceived by women as lack of interest. Step up your game with a more decisive approach
confusedbywomen wrote :
We decided to meet for coffee 2 days later.
We met Friday and the date lasted 5.5 hours. It would have continued longer but I started to get hungry and said I needed to call it a night or move the date to a restaurant.
I asked her if we should part with a hug or handshake.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #12  October 4,2010, 5:47am
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confusedbywomen wrote :
Ok, I swapped essay length emails with a girl everyday for 5 days, then asked her out. We decided to meet for coffee 2 days later. ... We met Friday and the date lasted 5.5 hours. ... I asked her if we should part with a hug or handshake. She opted for the handshake.
It is generally accepted that one way to attract another person's interest is to always leave them wanting more. Please consider whether writing "essay length" emails, and having 5.5 hour first meets, is really in your best interest. Even if I thought I was attracted to someone, by the end of 5.5 hours I probably would no longer be.

And I agree with those who say that asking "hug or handshake?" makes you look spineless. Make your decision and take your chances. Holy cow, by 5.5 hours you ought to know.
 
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #13  October 4,2010, 8:33am
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My advice too is next time don't ask whether someone wants a hug or handshake. I wouldn't read too much into the fact that she chose handshake because of the fact that you asked her. I might think you were being hesitant by asking which I'd prefer. Also she might be shy like you.

I think the length of your first meet may be a better indication of how things went. If you were both having fun together that's what I'd gauge this on.

Good luck with this!
 
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rdeffley is offline rdeffley Post #14  January 26,2012, 9:13pm
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To be honest, I would say that you were your own worst enemy in this case. First, the date went on for way too long. First dates should usually go for 2-3 hours tops. You just want to meet, establish a connection, and leave her wanting more. Also, if you are nervous or unsure of yourself, women can sense it. You mentioned being nervous to go for any sort of physical contact. Not to mention the fact that you asked her permission on whether to give her a hug or a handshake of all things?

If the girl was interested in you, nothing is going to turn her off faster than you asking if you can shake her hand. In her mindset, she was out with a guy who was too unsure of himself to make any sort of physical contact, and then saw her as a friend in the end when he offered to shake her hand..
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #15  January 26,2012, 9:25pm
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rdeffley wrote :
To be honest, I would say that you were your own worst enemy in this case. First, the date went on for way too long. First dates should usually go for 2-3 hours tops. You just want to meet, establish a connection, and leave her wanting more. Also, if you are nervous or unsure of yourself, women can sense it. You mentioned being nervous to go for any sort of physical contact. Not to mention the fact that you asked her permission on whether to give her a hug or a handshake of all things?

If the girl was interested in you, nothing is going to turn her off faster than you asking if you can shake her hand. In her mindset, she was out with a guy who was too unsure of himself to make any sort of physical contact, and then saw her as a friend in the end when he offered to shake her hand..
FYI this thread is two years old...Oct. 2010. I am sure the OP has figured it out by now.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #16  January 27,2012, 3:35am
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Similar sentiments have been echoed but your sort of screwed the pooch twice.

Next time if you are feeling hungry, tell her you are having a good time and ask her if she wants to grab a bite with you to sort of continue things. You are already on a date with her. She's not going to think you are a creep for asking.

Secondly, just hug the woman.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #17  January 27,2012, 4:49am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
FYI this thread is two years old...Oct. 2010. I am sure the OP has figured it out by now.
Only 1 1/2 years actually

Even though the thread is old and the OP is long gone from the boards the basics of the question / scenario and the answers given are pertinent to all of us. The bottom line:
1) Don't spend too much time writing a novel in e-mail, move on to meeting sooner than later.
2) If you are going to do a coffee date keep it short. If you want to extend the date don't do it at Starbucks, move on to some other venue.
3) Don't be lukewarm with your approach. If you are interested, show it.
4) Handshakes are for business not dating.
5) If you want a second date set it up before the end of the first one.

And all of this is just as applicable to women as it is to men.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; January 27,2012 at 4:58am. Reason: Addition.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #18  January 27,2012, 6:48pm
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confusedbywomen wrote :
...

I am a bit shy about initiating physical contact so I asked her if we should part with a hug or handshake. She opted for the handshake.
...
Your mistake was asking her. Meek shall not inherit the Earth.
 
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MileHighArtist is offline MileHighArtist Post #19  January 27,2012, 10:21pm
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Offering a handshake comes across as a lack of interest romantically. Not knowing how to end the date shows a lack of confidence. Double edge sword for you. Next time either go for the hug or don't. Forget the handshake altogether.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #20  January 28,2012, 12:01pm
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I always offer a handshake... sorry, but this person is a stranger and I don't like my space invaded until I know you. Yes, some dates have morphed from handshake to a hug, but my extending my hand means nothing other than "It was nice to meet you." Even if I thought the guy was great .out goes the hand --- it may be a cultural thing though and may have something to do with my British upbringing.
 
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