Embarrassed to admit I'm trying online dating?


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amlyko is offline amlyko Post #1  October 3,2010, 7:23am
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Hi everyone-

I'm about two months into trying the online dating scene and so far it's going better than I anticipated. I've met two guys in person and have been communicating with a few more, even though nothing has worked out yet. There does seem like a lot of potential with eHarmony and I know I am ready for a relationship... it's been over three years since I've dated anyone seriously.

However, my biggest obstacle seems to be the fact that I am embarrassed to admit to trying online dating. First, I feel like a failure for not being able to meet anyone in the traditional way. Secondly, I moved for a new job and am quite concerned about what my new co-workers will think if they find out I am meeting people this way. Not that it matters what they think, I just know my job and personal life are pretty intertwined, so anyone I date would become a part of this work "family."

My question is since I feel so embarrassed about online dating, is that a sign that I should stop? I want to be able to continue, since I feel like there's a lot of potential. It's this crazy embarrassed feeling I have that keeps me from sharing all this excitement in my life with the people around me!
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 3,2010, 7:50am
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amlyko wrote :
Hi everyone-

I'm about two months into trying the online dating scene and so far it's going better than I anticipated. I've met two guys in person and have been communicating with a few more, even though nothing has worked out yet. There does seem like a lot of potential with eHarmony and I know I am ready for a relationship... it's been over three years since I've dated anyone seriously.
Excellent.. that is good news.. keep it up

wrote :
However, my biggest obstacle seems to be the fact that I am embarrassed to admit to trying online dating. First, I feel like a failure for not being able to meet anyone in the traditional way. Secondly, I moved for a new job and am quite concerned about what my new co-workers will think if they find out I am meeting people this way. Not that it matters what they think, I just know my job and personal life are pretty intertwined, so anyone I date would become a part of this work "family."

My question is since I feel so embarrassed about online dating, is that a sign that I should stop? I want to be able to continue, since I feel like there's a lot of potential. It's this crazy embarrassed feeling I have that keeps me from sharing all this excitement in my life with the people around me!
e-dating is far more acceptable than you think..

-match . com has like 20 million members
-okc has like a million or more
-eH has 53 paying members with 15 million profiles...
and there are a bunch of other sites as well.

so you should not be embarrassed at all.. trust me, at some point you might even be matched with someone you know or work with..it happens.

My married friends, family and the colleagues that know I am e-dating are very interested in my e-dating journey, they love to hear stories and never pass judgement on me for not seeking a partner in the traditional way. There all know how hard it is to meet people IRL.

Bottom line e-dating is here and not going anywhere, and anyone who thinks e-dating is stupid or silly is either married or still patroling the bars for the one..(good luck to them!!) most of the people I know that used to make fun of it.. are all e-dating today..

So no! you shouldn't stop or hide that fact you are even e-dating.


Good luck and welcome to the boards
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 3,2010 at 12:20pm.
 
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WhiteCrane is offline WhiteCrane Post #3  October 3,2010, 7:59am
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I agree with TrekRyder. Lots of us are in the same boat.

I'm in a female-dominated profession, I don't have brothers, my male cousins don't live on this continent (so no family members to introduce me), I've met the people I'm going to meet at work and at church, and I need other ways of making connections.

My aunt married from a newspaper ad. This was, oh, probably late 1940s or early 1950s in the UK, where it was very much outside the norms of the day. I'm sure SHE didn't tell a lot of people!

But in 21st century North America? Whole different ballgame.

Like TrekRyder, the friends I've told about my online experiences are interested & supportive.

I would say join the crowd! Good luck to you in your search.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  October 3,2010, 8:10am
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I bet a lot of people you know are doing it and you just don't realize it.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #5  October 3,2010, 8:18am
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Honestly, most people are fascinated by it!

Seems like every time I tell someone how I met my man, they've got a story about someone else they knew that tried it, and many of them are success stories. Maybe 10 years ago, before everyone and their brother had the internet, it may have gotten some funny looks, but now almost every part of life has some web connection.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  October 3,2010, 8:43am
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Agree with below and BTW,...... LOL on the red underlined!
TrekRyder10 wrote :

e-dating is far more acceptable than you think..

-match . com has like 20 million members
-okc has like a million or more
-eH has 53 paying members with 15 million profiles...
and there are a bunch of other sites as well.

so you should not be embarrassed at all.. trust me, at some point you might even be matched with someone you know or work with..it happens.

Bottom line e-dating is here and not going anywhere, and anyone who thinks e-dating is stupid or silly is either married or still patrolling the bars for the one..(good luck to them!!) most of the people I know that used to make fun of it.. are all e-dating today..

So no! you shouldn't stop or hide that fact you are even e-dating.


Good luck and welcome to the boards
 
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newgemgirl is offline newgemgirl Post #7  October 3,2010, 10:47am
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Your first paragraph could've been written by me, lol.

I was a little embarassed initially, I only told 2 friends and my cousin, then my parents. Then I finally fessed up to another 10 friends.
I still don't go around announcing it to the world, and there are still many people who do not know, mainly my coworkers, but i normally try to keep my private life, private anyways.
It's nothing to be ashamed of, its a lot more common than you think.

Of course it's not the traditional way we are used to. It's new and foreign but you will come more to terms with it as the new norm. It has helped me a lot to get matches I know in real life, it reminds me I am not alone in this and a lot more people than you think are just looking for love - what's so taboo about that?

And I couldn't agree more on the fascination by it. Everyone I tell asks me so many questions and is genuinely excited about it. Many friends have asked me to log in so they can see how it works. And my married friends love dating vicariously through me.
The excitement and encouragement is contagious!
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #8  October 3,2010, 11:07am
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There are a lot of people that do online dating for various reasons. It doesn't mean that they're all a bunch of rejects of society.

Are there going to be people that judge you for online dating? Sure, but there are also going to be people that will judge you for meeting someone at a bar/church/grocery store/a volunteer event/class and so on. Don't let what other people think stop you from living your life. If they want to judge you for meeting a great person online, that's really their issue and not yours.

Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the fact that you have gone ahead and met people. There are plenty of people online that simply don't ever make the step of going from online to in person.
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #9  October 3,2010, 12:11pm
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I have found that it is only awkward if you seem embarassed about it. The first time I met a guy online I was reallllly embarassed about it for some reason. So when my friends asked how we met, I just kind of muttered something about a website, and they had no idea what to say, and probably got a sence that it was a bad thing. Now I don't even think twice about it, I tell ALL my friends. When I approach it in a totally matter of fact way "We met online actually, can you believe it?!", I always get a positive response. Infact a lot of people say "I was really thinking about joining, would you recommend that site?" or "Yeah I tried that once but I didn't have as good of luck."

So whether you are embarassed about it now or not, the way you present the fact that you met somebody online (and not try to hide it) will probably impact the way others react to it. This will in turn make you feel less embarassed, and you will present it again more confidently, which again will make you less embarassed, which as I previously suggested will allow you to tell people confidently, which makes you feel.... well, you get it
 
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dhknj is offline dhknj Post #10  October 19,2010, 7:26pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
at some point you might even be matched with someone you work with..it happens.
That would be disasterous for me (since I own the company), and, I suspect, for many other people. That possibility is a major reason for not posting a photograph and for keeping one's profile information generic.
 
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