Where to go from here...want to move forward?


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sew79 is offline sew79 Post #1  October 1,2010, 11:54am
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Hey guys,

So...I just moved to a new city. I take my dog to the park quite often, and I met a guy there. Don't know if it matters, but he is 33 and I'm 25. We met probably 2 months ago and started talking...we ended up staying and talking for about 2 hours and he walked me home. Over the course of this time, I saw him 3 or 4 more times and the same outcome - we stayed forever talking, and he walked me home. The conversation was always effortless, and we have a lot in common. He asked for my number - he didn't have his phone on him, so I got his # and called him so he'd have mine. I hung up WAY too soon though and it didn't save. So the next time I saw him, he got it and we made plans to have drinks later that week.

I met up with him on a Friday and had a blast. He wouldn't let me pay for my drinks, and he suggested we go pick up my dog (literally right across the street from the neighborhood bar we went to) and bring her back over to play with his. I ended up staying the night, and yes, I did sleep with him. I feel like it might have been too soon according to 'the rules', but we had basically hung out 5ish times already and it just felt right. The next morning he was in no rush to bring me home, but eventually he did drive me back home.

He texted me that Sunday night, saying we should get together with the dogs that week. Tuesday, he texted me to get together on Weds. Weds, he texted me as I was leaving work, suggesting a time & asked if it would work for me. THEN, at about 6:15ish (we were meeting up at 6:45), he texted apologizing that his boss needed information from him that night, and he asked for a raincheck. I said "no worries" and we sent a couple of texts back and forth. Fast forward....I didn't hear from him until the a week and a half later, on a Saturday. He texted me asking why my football team was losing, and we joked back and forth. He finally said "We need to hang out soon. Let me know when you and Penny (my dog) want to chill."

Ok, so I know this is long but I want everything out on the table. I haven't texted him yet - and I know that he put the ball in my court but my mom has encouraged me that it's HIS job to make plans with me. Basically, should I text him or wait to hear from him again? It's almost the weekend, so if I text him should I suggest drinks again (more official I guess) or dogs at the park (more laid back, less presumptuous). I do really like this guy, but I'm not sure how he feels about me...at the park before we hung out he made a lot of bold-ish statements (i.e., I would have called you 2 weeks ago if your number had come up!), and he was super nice and flirtatious when we got drinks. But, I don't really feel like being an f-buddy. Any and all advice is appreciated - thanks!
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #2  October 1,2010, 12:08pm
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Well..the not hearing from him for a week and a half after cancelling...and after sleeping with him...and then he just casually mentions 'hanging out'...not the best sign...

You will get varied responses on how quickly to sleep with someone...that is totally up to you...it's your choice and not some stupid book or other peoples...

One of the risks that a person takes by doing this without establishing how you actually feel about someone or knowing how they feel..is where you are right now...

It sounds like you are someone that he wanted to sleep with..and now it is 'take it or leave it' with the dating part...

So..you can certainly text/call him and ask him to go out again...but just be aware that now that you have already had sex..he will be expecting that again and you can't go 'backwards' and now want/expect the wooing part from him...not saying it's impossible...just not likely....
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 1,2010 at 12:10pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 1,2010, 12:08pm
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Too late....you already are an f-buddy.... Besides walking the dog and taking you out for drinks and scoring on that he really hasn't shown much effort to actually date you has he? In fact he did not even bother to contact you for a long time after canceling last minute and when he did, it was not an invitation for a date now was it? Not exactly the actions of a guy who is truly interested in you.
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #4  October 1,2010, 12:08pm
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Do you like him? Then call him and ask HIM out. Why is it HIS job to make plans?

I get the impression he likes you, he certainly seems to be making all the effort...
As for the f-buddy... only a discussion with the party in question (HIM) will shed any light on that.
 
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Storvik is offline Storvik Post #5  October 1,2010, 12:09pm
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Your mum is being very old fashioned.

Go ahead! Ask him out! And suggest the thing you feel like doing, whether it being a walk in the park, or drinks.

If you want to make sure you're not becoming an f-buddy, you need to have a talk with him about it.

Don't make it more difficult than it is!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  October 1,2010, 12:17pm
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sew79 wrote :

He texted me that Sunday night, saying we should get together with the dogs that week. Tuesday, he texted me to get together on Weds. Weds, he texted me as I was leaving work, suggesting a time & asked if it would work for me. THEN, at about 6:15ish (we were meeting up at 6:45), he texted apologizing that his boss needed information from him that night, and he asked for a raincheck. I said "no worries" and we sent a couple of texts back and forth. Fast forward....I didn't hear from him until the a week and a half later, on a Saturday. He texted me asking why my football team was losing, and we joked back and forth. He finally said "We need to hang out soon. Let me know when you and Penny (my dog) want to chill."

Ok, so I know this is long but I want everything out on the table. I haven't texted him yet - and I know that he put the ball in my court but my mom has encouraged me that it's HIS job to make plans with me. Basically, should I text him or wait to hear from him again? It's almost the weekend, so if I text him should I suggest drinks again (more official I guess) or dogs at the park (more laid back, less presumptuous). I do really like this guy, but I'm not sure how he feels about me...at the park before we hung out he made a lot of bold-ish statements (i.e., I would have called you 2 weeks ago if your number had come up!), and he was super nice and flirtatious when we got drinks. But, I don't really feel like being an f-buddy. Any and all advice is appreciated - thanks!
Pick.

up.

the.

phone.

(not..to text)
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  October 1,2010, 12:20pm
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I added this to your other thread, but thought I would repost it here as well since it seems you've started two conversations:

I don't think that sleeping with someone early makes you a f-buddy. If it makes you feel better I slept with my ex-boyfriend early on (4th date or so) and we continued to be together for four years. I think it's all in the context of the situation, and trust me you would know if you were more of a fbuddy. It would have turned more into the only calling you late at night situation. I think the only thing you have to be careful of in this situation is not equating the sex with more intimacy/closeness than may be realistically there, which it doesn't sound like you are.

I think he's already making effort and it's a two way street, especially if you like him. You should call him and set up another date. Plus, by extending the hand to you to ask when you were free he was kind of in a way jump starting the plans. It's not like you had to feel out interest yourself.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  October 1,2010, 12:20pm
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Pssst...thinker...she is 25...we have to realize that the 'youngins'...do things differently....they see texting as perfectly fine...I know it's not what I would do...but I think we have to get used to this being quite normal and not a bit offensive to anyone at certain ages...
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  October 1,2010, 12:31pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
Pssst...thinker...she is 25...we have to realize that the 'youngins'...do things differently....they see texting as perfectly fine...I know it's not what I would do...but I think we have to get used to this being quite normal and not a bit offensive to anyone at certain ages...
It's not about that...
I text myself...I also know how to use a computer, install new hardware, debug software issues, etc..etc...this isn't about age.
And its not about what's normal, unless you consider normal doing the same thing over and over and over again...and getting the same undesired results...
It's simply about thinking outside the box...out of your comfort zone, if you will.

here's the thing: if you continually use one medium and are discouraged with your results, and yet don't change the medium or explore other, obvious ways to get in touch someone(god forbid we as humans should actually want to speak and hear each others voices)then you shouldn't be perplexed as to why.

Pick up the phone.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 1,2010 at 12:34pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  October 1,2010, 12:33pm
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TheThinker wrote :
It's not about that...
I text myself...I also know how to use a computer, install new hardware, debug software issues, etc..etc...this isn't about age.
And its not about what's normal, unless you consider normal doing the same thing over and over and over again...and getting the same undesired results...
It's simply about thinking outside the box...out of your comfort zone, if you will.

here's the thing: if you continaully use one medium and are discouraged with your results, and yet don't change the medium or explore other obvious ways to get in touch someone(god forbid we as humans should actually want to speak and hear each others voices)then you shouldn't be perplexed as to why.

Pick up the phone.

**
Ok, ok..just trying to make a lighthearted joke..obviously didn't land...
 
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