AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  October 1,2010, 9:43am
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I've recently receive two messages (about 24 hours apart) from the same person what seems like a cookie cutter message. It was written semi-impersonally and only gave reasons for why they hadn't responded earlier.

The mini background: About one month ago he "winked" at me on Match. I read his profile (sans photos) and sent a message within a day or so. I pretty much wrote him off when I didn't hear back from him, I assumed he was non paying and couldn't respond.

So, now I get these two messages, which are very cookie cutter (and almost identical) and then a third very short message telling me he posted photos and referenced my screen name on the site. This was about a day and a half after second cookie cutter message.

I'm somewhat turned off just because of the cookie cutter message. And I'll probably send him a "Thanks but no thanks" note.

I'm wondering if this has happened to others and if it is common. What did you do if this has happened?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  October 1,2010, 9:59am
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I've gotten a few of the copy and paste messages, some also inserted something personal at the beginning or end, to make it appear as if written to me only. They come across as more of a monologue, that they send to everyone . Agree... trolling is a turn-off
AndieIsMe wrote :
It was written semi-impersonally and only gave reasons for why they hadn't responded earlier.
So, now I get these two messages, which are very cookie cutter (and almost identical) and then a third very short message telling me he posted photos and referenced my screen name on the site. This was about a day and a half after second cookie cutter message.
I'm somewhat turned off just because of the cookie cutter message. And I'll probably send him a "Thanks but no thanks" note.
I'm wondering if this has happened to others and if it is common. What did you do if this has happened?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  October 1,2010, 10:11am
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I've seen that before...I assume it's the person sending the same message by mistake, usually because of juggling too many matches and they aren't recalling the messages sent, or a glitch in the software.
From what I've heard(and seen) there may be more trolling w/guys than women...most of the messages I get are very personalized, which is nice. I never get the sense that they did the"insert name here" thing...as they ask me about questions on my profile, which is refreshing.

I do notice a lot of matches want to "chat"..."wanna chat?"which I don't mind, up to a certain point...but the point is to meet, for me.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 1,2010 at 10:18am.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #4  October 1,2010, 10:47am
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Not at all.

This is Match.com you are talking about right?

If so, in general, if you are a guy, and aren't tall, dark and handsome, the response rates from gals are perhaps 1-2% at best.

Sure, in the beginning, a new guy member does actually attempt to send personalized messages to gals he would like to get to know.

Then, as time goes on, and he sends one message after another after another, burning countless hours personalizing each message, and getting no response back, not even a "No Thanks", he eventually comes to the same conclusion as almost all guys do on Match.com...

That you simply have to create a somewhat generic/cookie-cutter First email, that LOOKS like a custom email, but really isn't.

You then just spray that email to each gal, perhaps changing a couple words here and there, but wasting no more than a minute or two per email.

If he gets any takers from that first email, THEN he will send a better, and personal email.

Don't blame us guys for this.

Blame your fellow gals who never acknowledge our emails, not even with the easy "No Thanks" button that takes you all of 1 second to press.

Now, on EH, the dynamic changes, because sending the first set of questions takes care of the "Interested or not" factor.
If they respond, then I know there is enough interest on her side that I will indeed take the time and write her great and personalized answers and eventually emails.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #5  October 1,2010, 12:43pm
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ScottK wrote :
Not at all.

This is Match.com you are talking about right?

If so, in general, if you are a guy, and aren't tall, dark and handsome, the response rates from gals are perhaps 1-2% at best.

Sure, in the beginning, a new guy member does actually attempt to send personalized messages to gals he would like to get to know.

Then, as time goes on, and he sends one message after another after another, burning countless hours personalizing each message, and getting no response back, not even a "No Thanks", he eventually comes to the same conclusion as almost all guys do on Match.com...

That you simply have to create a somewhat generic/cookie-cutter First email, that LOOKS like a custom email, but really isn't.

You then just spray that email to each gal, perhaps changing a couple words here and there, but wasting no more than a minute or two per email.

If he gets any takers from that first email, THEN he will send a better, and personal email.

Don't blame us guys for this.

Blame your fellow gals who never acknowledge our emails, not even with the easy "No Thanks" button that takes you all of 1 second to press.

Now, on EH, the dynamic changes, because sending the first set of questions takes care of the "Interested or not" factor.
If they respond, then I know there is enough interest on her side that I will indeed take the time and write her great and personalized answers and eventually emails.
This mirrors my experience exactly in almost every respect.

Nothing really to add except that I think online dating for men generally, who are truthful and forthcoming, should be viewed generally just ANOTHER possible avenue to meet dating propsects, and for the most part, a terribly poor ROI with regards to time, effort, and money.

My own personal belief is that the REAL gems I have encountered generally - would be many of the men and women that post right here on this board,

.....but age and distance are an a persisting obstacle for many, (certainly me). Overcome at times though by the wonderful meet and greets occasionally organized here.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #6  October 1,2010, 1:19pm
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ScottK wrote :
Not at all.

This is Match.com you are talking about right?

If so, in general, if you are a guy, and aren't tall, dark and handsome, the response rates from gals are perhaps 1-2% at best.

Sure, in the beginning, a new guy member does actually attempt to send personalized messages to gals he would like to get to know.

Then, as time goes on, and he sends one message after another after another, burning countless hours personalizing each message, and getting no response back, not even a "No Thanks", he eventually comes to the same conclusion as almost all guys do on Match.com...

That you simply have to create a somewhat generic/cookie-cutter First email, that LOOKS like a custom email, but really isn't.

You then just spray that email to each gal, perhaps changing a couple words here and there, but wasting no more than a minute or two per email.

If he gets any takers from that first email, THEN he will send a better, and personal email.

Don't blame us guys for this.

Blame your fellow gals who never acknowledge our emails, not even with the easy "No Thanks" button that takes you all of 1 second to press.

Now, on EH, the dynamic changes, because sending the first set of questions takes care of the "Interested or not" factor.
If they respond, then I know there is enough interest on her side that I will indeed take the time and write her great and personalized answers and eventually emails.
This!

A million times over!

I have nothing to add, just posting for emphasis.

And yes, I have a generic first email that I use for sites other than eHarmony, for the exact reasons stated above. It's too bad some women choose to not accept communication because of this, though. What a shame.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  October 1,2010, 1:28pm
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Harryoss wrote :

And yes, I have a generic first email that I use for sites other than eHarmony, for the exact reasons stated above. It's too bad some women choose to not accept communication because of this, though. What a shame.
maybe they don't, like Andie..because they know it's generic?
the chicken & egg..yeah..
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #8  October 1,2010, 1:34pm
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I think many have a standard intro piece they send out ...especially through Match as a way to start communication....for some its difficult to set off the communication.

Personally I would respond to see what happens...if I was getting another set of cliched replies then I will stop communicating.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  October 1,2010, 1:38pm
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Hmmm....I keep seeing this gripe on the boards that women just never respond on other sites or even this one and guys just can't get dates.....

However, the women on the boards, myself included, are going out on dates with men from the dating sites....who are we going out with? Are we all dating the same two guys who get all the dates? I don't think so. I also know that the guys I meet have plenty of dates as well......soooo....something here is just not adding up for me.......
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #10  October 1,2010, 1:53pm

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DancingFool wrote :
Hmmm....I keep seeing this gripe on the boards that women just never respond on other sites or even this one and guys just can't get dates.....

However, the women on the boards, myself included, are going out on dates with men from the dating sites....who are we going out with? Are we all dating the same two guys who get all the dates? I don't think so. I also know that the guys I meet have plenty of dates as well......soooo....something here is just not adding up for me.......
It's pretty simple, 90% of men are aiming at 20% of women (the highly attractive ones) just like 90% of women are aiming at 20% of men (the ones that come across as highly desirable for various reasons)

So, yes, most women are just passing around the same small group of men. Same for men all trying to date the same small group of conventionally attractive women.
 
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